..what would it change if I knew I have autism?

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So I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine about autism. I always thought it's a bit interesting but never really knew much about it. Then it turned out there's plenty of free tests online (I know that they can only be used as guidelines or reference point) and my scores were for example 42/50 or 46/50 which led me to a conclusion that it might be the right time to read a bit about it.

Well, it almost felt like a big relief and it was this kind of long anticipated feeling of being understood where all the pieces fall into place. At the same time my thoughts were dancing between "ok, so now I'm weird" and "even if I know I'm autistic, how will it change my life?".

I was trying to look at my own life from a different perspective. So I'm a 40 M living alone in a different country for many years, have no close friends here. I have now a stable career and earn good money but was comfortable earning close to minimum wage due to a frugal lifestyle. I am definitely socially very weird, I always tend to avoid people, I am single. There's only a handful of people that I will talk to and where I feel there is some sort of emotional connection between us. Since I can remember people always almost hated me for having my own rules and never breaking them. I always thought - why does it even bother them? It won't hurt anyone that I do things my way. So for example I drink absolutely zero alcohol, zero coffee, no drugs, used to be super fit (was into dance, martial arts, acrobatics), didn't watch TV or any movies at all for almost 20 years and had no clue about all the movies that people were talking about.

I can't make up my mind whether I am doing alright with my everyday life. I have a job, health is very good, I enjoy cooking and won't even touch any junk food etc. but at the same time there is an insane mess in my room. It has always been like this. I sometimes have a feeling that I can dive deeply into something that I find fascinating and that I can see/hear/sense things that others can't. I am also a synesthete, I see connections between numbers and emotions (and also between sounds/chord progressions and emotional tension). I love numbers.

There are times when I can see see some nice results of who I am (recently won a piano competition, speak 4 languages on a daily basis, still learn a couple more etc.) but in general I have a very low self-esteem and see my future in very dark colours.

And I am thinking now - I can go and see a doctor and let's assume I will be diagnosed. What would that change in my life?

What you describe is very typical for someone on the spectrum. We are very good at some things but not others.
Life is much easier if you have a boss that understands that!

For some, getting an official confirmation of a strengths and weaknesses helps.
For others, it is something we already know!

Definite advantages to officially knowing:
- Removes any lingering doubts you might have
- By learning about Autism you can learn about yourself
- Might be an interesting conversation topic with friends
- When friends, etc., bump up against your Autism traits you can say:
I have a Doctor's note for that!
Possible advantages:
- *IF* you are somewhere that speaks English, you can share these with your medical practitioners:
-— https://autismandhealth.org/inc/content/pv_fac.pdf
-— https://autismandhealth.org/
-— https://aaspire.org/
-—-—-However, I've not had much luck getting them to use this information.
- Close friends and significant others might be able to make things mutually better for the both of you
- Employers might be able to make things mutually better for the both of you
-—-—-Or they could use the information to make things worse for you!

But, in any event, welcome to WP! A polite interest in the topic is the cost of admission. Having Autism is not required.

Here are two very specific answers:

I now wear the 'invisible disabilities' lanyard when I am traveling. This means I can board when the line is small so I'm not surrounded by the stress of too many people, and most (not all) travel staff have a heads-up that I might be acting weird or not meeting their eyes, etc. and that's OK. It just makes things a little more bearable for me, which is really helpful.

Also, proof of a diagnosis means you can get a lifetime U.S. National Parks pass for free.

Most employers don't understand autism. If you need accomodations it may be better to be specific in what you need.