Are you, 'you'?

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I don't know much about it, and wouldn't know where to start, but I've noticed recently around the Web a mentioning of 'taking the mask off'.

Seems we 'mask' to fit in. I guess I did. I didn't get my diagnosis until several years before the book changed and they stopped making new Aspies. I was in my early to mid forties. So I tried (unsuccessfully as it turns out) to be the NT that I thought I was.

I Masked up.

Now I wonder, who would I have been if I'd just been myself. Who is the untainted Aspie? Is such a thing possible? Aren't we all, including NTs, whatever character we develop...

If you're a long term, heavy maker, do you ever think about who you might be under it all?

I wouldn't know how to untangle what's conscious masking, what's unconscious masking, what was masking but has become authentic and what's naturally authentic.

I know I masked a lot when I was younger, but simultaneously I don't believe I was particularly good at it. I believe I mask less at this point in my life, but at the same time if most of my masking wasn't conscious how can I recognize it?

I remember reading about Jim Carrey saying that when in character for movies was no different to type and duration to him being Jim Carrey between movies, and as such 'Jim Carrey' was a character, as able to be developed and presented to an audience as can any movie character.

I guess in that light, our masking is just human and quite valid.

Yes and no.

As in related to autism socialization masking? I don't mask. If anything, I do the inverse of masking. I am very much 'untainted'; as in, I'm not persuaded, nor driven to people please.

As in egosyntonic traits vs my behaviors?
About half the time unfortunately, it doesn't match the idea of who I'm let alone who I want to be.
Being asocial and never bothered faking social interests aligns with who I'm and what I do and would do.
But not everything executive dysfunction and everything under the mercy of whatever crap the subconsicous childhood programming is screwing me and itself up.

As in the entirely realm between psychology, spirituality and philosophy like; this person living in this reality -- the mind, the body, the feeling, the name? Nope. I am consciousness.
Everything above I stated is the function of the mind and identity that is the (Buddhism) Ego.

My ego (Buddhism) i.e. identified self is frustrated that my ego (Freudian) i.e. rational decision maker self is weaker than my id (Freudian) i.e. impulsive and subconsicous.

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I sometimes consider an analogy of atmospheric molecules such as O2 and N2. They travel at about 1,000 mph and bump into each other passing on acquired heat or losing heat. In a way we also "bump" into each other and are shaped by each encounter. Fear of a negative reaction can contribute to masking or even withdrawal.

I still use the term Aspergers as I find it more descriptive than the miscellaneous category of "autism". My theory is that Aspergers is a neurological variant perhaps driven by a more complex, sensitive,or faster neurology that results in a more intense inner life of sensory and cognitive processing. This in turn makes us appear more stand-offish and self involved. It also can account for many developmental delays.

Everyone masks to some degree. Consider a Christian in a Muslin country or in Hollywood.

Everyone masks to some degree. It is part of normal social functioning. Altering your behavior in any way to make a performance for another being counts as masking. I have a camera that I sometimes put up in the heavy traffic cat areas in my house. I have noticed that one of my cats changes her behavior quite a bit to manipulate me into doing things for her. She alters her voice to be more "baby-like", she will roll around and show her belly, act more playful. It works! I generally give her what she wants. She is different when it is "just cats." She also acts a little differently around dogs.

Most of us are not too put out by changing our mannerisms a little bit for others. But for some people, this is tremendously difficult, takes quite a bit of their energy, and may also be associated with painful past experiences. So you are likely to hear more about masking from populations who find the masking especially draining- such as people on the autism spectrum, other neurodiverse people, and some minority races or other minority social populations may discuss it as a problem rather than a normal occurrence.

It is really a thought exercise to imagine being totally "authentic." Not only would you have to behave as though the perceptions of others did not matter, you would probably have to not even be aware that others HAD perceptions. Observation by another changes behavior. This is apparently even a rule of quantum physics, but I can't claim to know too much about that.

I'm wary of the term "masking" because I've seen it applied to behaviour that isn't particularly trying to conceal or deceive. I think all human beings present themselves to some extent. If I know that nobody is going to be anywhere near me for a long time, I might let my dress standards slip a bit. I'll modify things in the light of what they might look like to others.

How much of the real me others get treated to depends on what kind of people I think they are. I'm not going to get nerdy in front of an anti-intellectual unless I don't give a spit what they think of me. I don't like making other people uncomfortable if there's no need to. I see no sense in knowingly inviting the contempt of others. I like being courteous and I tend to expect the same in others, though I'm often disappointed.

I think it's important not to confuse masking with wholesome personal growth, with seeing behaviour that you approve of and trying to emulate it.

Generally speaking, if I know somebody doesn't hate or look down on people with ASD, I'll have no problem admitting to them that I'm on the spectrum. But I'm not going to scream it from the rooftops or bore people by trying to tell them about it. I'm not likely to volunteer the fact of my condition if it doesn't come up naturally in conversation.

I'm something of a role player. If I like a role, I might give it a spin to see what happens, like trying on a hat. If the experience is good, I might keep wearing it. But it's more of a hat than a mask. It's no particular secret who I am. Some aspects of it will be secret to some people.