To all Aspie men who are angry with women.

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Aridarr
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30 Aug 2007, 7:56 pm

Whenever any of you makes the claim that all girls/women are like this, or that, you are utterly wrong.

The way that women treat you is more a reflection on yourself than on the gender itself; just as the way that men treat me says more about me than the male gender.

Sorry guys; it's not them; it's you.

Think about it; if you met an overweight, unattractive girl, you would treat her badly in comparison to a beautiful supermodel type.

These women are doing the same as you would in that situation.

If a woman rejects you, it isn't because women are unfair; it is because you don't make her happy.

That is what love is about; being with someone who makes you happy. Neither women nor men have control over who makes them happy. If someone rejects you, they are not being judgemental, or bigoted. They are just obeying their emotional reaction to you as a person. Why should anyone tolerate a romantic partner who doesn't make them happy?

That is why aspies have so much trouble in romance; they don't understand what it is that makes others happy as well as other people do.

And if a woman is unkind in her rejection of you; it could be because she has her own life and set of priorities that don't include you.

Just as you may have all the time in the world for one girl and ignore another; they are the same.

People (meaning women and men), especially in romance, tend towards behaviour that causes emotional distress to others. This doesn't mean that they are bad people, or playing games with your emotions; in most situations, they are probably just confused.

As people, none of you are socially perfect; many of you upset people without meaning to.

So-called 'neurotypicals' are no different; they make mistakes too.



Todd489
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30 Aug 2007, 8:27 pm

I never feel angry at women for rejecting me. I only feel angry at myself. Why would I blame them?



hakemon
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30 Aug 2007, 8:35 pm

so, the first girlfriend i had, that went satanic, that was a reflection of me? I doubt it.. im a christian, and don't doubt it..

second girlfriend, religious differences, both similar, but hers wouldn't let her be with me.. we are still good friends though..

no third..

so, to the original post, i really really really doubt it..


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Pugly
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30 Aug 2007, 8:40 pm

Aridarr wrote:
Think about it; if you met an overweight, unattractive girl, you would treat her badly in comparison to a beautiful supermodel type.


Not me, I'd probably go for the overweight unattractive girl. Well it depends on how overweight and unattractive... but yeah... no supermodels for me please.



Aridarr wrote:
That is why aspies have so much trouble in romance; they don't understand what it is that makes others happy as well as other people do.


That's the trick... how do you even make someone happy? That's a really difficult question... I can only be myself... I can only hope that someone finds me amusing. I know just by saying what you feel... that doesn't really make someone happy.


Aridarr wrote:
As people, none of you are socially perfect; many of you upset people without meaning to.

So-called 'neurotypicals' are no different; they make mistakes too.


Yeah, I don't really put down someone for rejecting me. I think it's pretty obvious none of us are socially perfect... no need to sate the obvious... pour salt in our wounds...thanks... :wink:

Reject means hurt feelings... there is no argument about that. Ever failure is a learning experience for me...

The one thing is though... I think many NTs reject AS and don't give them a fair try. I mean all the subtle social cues... you can reject someone for basically anything a typical AS person will do in a conversation. They don't even get a chance to make someone happy...


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psybot
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30 Aug 2007, 8:46 pm

Aridarr wrote:
Whenever any of you makes the claim that all girls/women are like this, or that, you are utterly wrong.

The way that women treat you is more a reflection on yourself than on the gender itself; just as the way that men treat me says more about me than the male gender.


Very true!



Aridarr wrote:
Think about it; if you met an overweight, unattractive girl, you would treat her badly in comparison to a beautiful supermodel type.


Invalid assumption. Untrue if personality of "beautiful supermodel type" carries unattractive manners. Do not mistake the "you" in that sentence for a stupid male please.

Aridarr wrote:
If a woman rejects you, it isn't because women are unfair; it is because you don't make her happy.

Correct.

Aridarr wrote:
People (meaning women and men), especially in romance, tend towards behaviour that causes emotional distress to others. This doesn't mean that they are bad people, or playing games with your emotions; in most situations, they are probably just confused.

So they're probably just confused.

Aridarr wrote:
So-called 'neurotypicals' are no different; they make mistakes too.

no different?



username88
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30 Aug 2007, 9:08 pm

Aridarr wrote:
Think about it; if you met an overweight, unattractive girl, you would treat her badly in comparison to a beautiful supermodel type.

Not true at all.

There were so many times however when there was a girl so beautiful, that she could be a goddess who would hit on me the moment we met so she didnt know I had AS. Thus I would end up making a fool out of myself and my heart would be crushed every time. Its because I look normal, but I cant act it. There has been times where even slightly unattractive girls did the same thing, and I would have the same opinion about them but it turned out to be a disaster anyway. Its always been my problem though, and always will be. I never know what I do wrong until its too late, Ive never been accepted or understood, its a mystery why I havent killed myself yet.



samtoo
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30 Aug 2007, 9:19 pm

My ex was really, really harsh. :/ That was not at all my fault.
She called me foul names in day to day life... I swear she did it just to keep my self-esteem down. That can't be a reflection on me...

That's all very well to make that statement but there's one conflicting statement to that one that is all too true - some people are just jerks. It's not always a guy's fault if a girl treats him poorly. Sometimes she is just... a b****.


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Last edited by samtoo on 30 Aug 2007, 9:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Todd489
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30 Aug 2007, 9:34 pm

Aridarr wrote:
If a woman rejects you, it isn't because women are unfair; it is because you don't make her happy.


Interesting point. I think my inability to approach women comes from a deeply-rooted idea in my head that I am incapable of making people happy. This probably stems from the fact that my parents were never really proud of me for anything. If I got a ever B on an exam the first thing they would ask is who got an A, and why I am not as good as them.

Looks like I'm having a Freudian moment :P.



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30 Aug 2007, 9:41 pm

Aridarr, sadly it all comes from somewhere and I doubt most people, guys or girls who are bitter regardless, got there from thinking bitter thoughts without cause. You can say that you aren't mean, I can say that as a guy I'm not just out for sex, that I'm not a cheat, that I'm not gonna diss a girl for being different, but in the end all I'm doing is speaking for myself - I'm not like most people and being your hear I'd guess I'm probably going on a pretty well educated guess that you aren't either.

I think the hardest thing for so many people on this board to remember is that everyone's bitching past eachother. the day I see a woman saying 'all aspie men are....', that's when I might think that I'm getting broadbrushed. The rest, mostly its people just people of either sex blasting off about the things that for all their struggles they can't control about the general populace (and sadly all too often things they can't control about their own sense of attraction - which is a definite reality for either side of this).



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30 Aug 2007, 9:45 pm

Aridarr, I think that your theory is bunkum, and even if true, it has one huge problem. There are a lot of females who are determined to be unhappy no matter what you do, and only pretend to be happy to get favors from males, which usually involve money, but may also involve converting said male to the living dead.

It isn't my fault if I don't make some women happy. Some women cannot be made happy. I refuse to try to make someone happy if all that she is is a drain on my energy, if she forces me into endless futile attempts to make her happy.

Sometimes it's the women. A lot of times women will draw men into bad relationships and will be a drain on them.



techstepgenr8tion
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30 Aug 2007, 9:50 pm

Remnant wrote:
Aridarr, I think that your theory is bunkum, and even if true, it has one huge problem. There are a lot of females who are determined to be unhappy no matter what you do, and only pretend to be happy to get favors from males, which usually involve money, but may also involve converting said male to the living dead.

It isn't my fault if I don't make some women happy. Some women cannot be made happy. I refuse to try to make someone happy if all that she is is a drain on my energy, if she forces me into endless futile attempts to make her happy.

Sometimes it's the women. A lot of times women will draw men into bad relationships and will be a drain on them.


Yeah, the relationship world is hard for all sides. Even when you consider the broader population who are fair minded your dealing with the fact that we're still judging things on how well we flow together over whether or not someone is a a good person (its far preferred that they are but it can't seal the deal or trigger sexual attraction). I think the only time being frustrated with the system as it stands is when people say that they have a right to be unhappy or vent but the opposite sex has no right to vent or speak their mind - that goes for both guys and girls.



GoatMan
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30 Aug 2007, 10:43 pm

Aridarr wrote:
Whenever any of you makes the claim that all girls/women are like this, or that, you are utterly wrong.

The way that women treat you is more a reflection on yourself than on the gender itself; just as the way that men treat me says more about me than the male gender.

Sorry guys; it's not them; it's you.

Think about it; if you met an overweight, unattractive girl, you would treat her badly in comparison to a beautiful supermodel type.

These women are doing the same as you would in that situation.

If a woman rejects you, it isn't because women are unfair; it is because you don't make her happy.

That is what love is about; being with someone who makes you happy. Neither women nor men have control over who makes them happy. If someone rejects you, they are not being judgemental, or bigoted. They are just obeying their emotional reaction to you as a person. Why should anyone tolerate a romantic partner who doesn't make them happy?

That is why aspies have so much trouble in romance; they don't understand what it is that makes others happy as well as other people do.

And if a woman is unkind in her rejection of you; it could be because she has her own life and set of priorities that don't include you.

Just as you may have all the time in the world for one girl and ignore another; they are the same.

People (meaning women and men), especially in romance, tend towards behaviour that causes emotional distress to others. This doesn't mean that they are bad people, or playing games with your emotions; in most situations, they are probably just confused.

As people, none of you are socially perfect; many of you upset people without meaning to.

So-called 'neurotypicals' are no different; they make mistakes too.


You are incorrect. When a female chooses to walk all over a male, expects him to pay for everything she wants, not giving him a choice in being a gentleman, then the fault lies with the female.

I have seen women manipulate men simply to convert them to their own religion, and use them as a sympathy case, a recruiting tool for their religious sect. I've seen women turn weakling men into nothing but childish pets shared amongst a harem, all the while being turned into more and more of a mindless, shy plaything. I have even seen women choose to dance with each other at the prom, not because they don't want a man, but to crush whatever "evil" cultural habits exist in which the man makes the first move in asking the woman to dance.

I want to meet a woman who is my equal, but I have yet to find one with the mental capacity and the morality to fit that role.


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hakemon
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30 Aug 2007, 10:49 pm

GoatMan wrote:
I have seen women manipulate men simply to convert them to their own religion, and use them as a sympathy case, a recruiting tool for their religious sect.

Yep, that would sound like my 2nd..


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juliekitty
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31 Aug 2007, 1:39 am

Remnant wrote:
may also involve converting said male to the living dead.


Damn -- you guys have FINALLY figured out my true motive!!



Last edited by juliekitty on 31 Aug 2007, 1:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

juliekitty
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31 Aug 2007, 1:42 am

GoatMan wrote:
When a female chooses to walk all over a male, expects him to pay for everything she wants, not giving him a choice in being a gentleman, then the fault lies with the female.


Yep -- let's not forget, the man has NO CHOICE in the matter.



Aridarr
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31 Aug 2007, 4:49 am

I still stand by my theory - although I would like to point out that the "overweight, unattractive girl" statement shouldn't be taken literally. Some of you wouldn't judge by appearances and would be happy with her. And, of course, taking into accounts personal taste, some of you would find her attractive.

The point I am trying to make is that there are some women you would reject, based on personality or appearance, no matter how much they wanted to be with you; just as many women would reject you for the similar reasons.

What really upsets me is that many of the men here condemn all women based on a few bad experiences. How do you know that all women are as you perceive them to be? Have you met all women?

I have terrible experiences with men, and I am not even dating. Every time I go out, I am perpetually sexually harassed by idiots, exclusively of the male gender.

Based on such experiences, I could quite easily make the statement that all men are perverts; just as some people here say that all women are b*****s. However, I won't do that, as I it would be a vast assumption. I strongly suggest that you allow the female gender the same respect; the respect that they are all individuals and should not be pre-judged.

I am also asking you to consider the possibility that these women do not actually set out to hurt you; that they are just obeying their emotional reactions.