First Impressions

Post Reply New Topic

Many years ago I accepted that I do not make a good first impression on people, sometimes without even speaking to them,( just aggresive/suspicious looks. ) I decided long ago that it must have something to do with the ' vibes' ' that I somehow give off, despite always trying to be amicable. Since realising that I am 'on the Spectrum' I have begun to wonder if there could be a connection. Is this a recognised result of neurodivergency, has anybody else noticed it ?

YES, 500%.

It's been established for a while now that "autistic prejudice" (or autistaphobia) has been rooted in one's interlocutor picking up on unusual non-verbal vibes, like abnormal eye contact (evasive, or too intense), or maybe the autistic person is kind of swaying from side-to-side, or that their movements to shake hands or whatever are "too jerky", they speak too fast or too loud, etc., etc... (I recall reading something like this in an article that I bookmarked, but can't seem to find it now.)

Basically, within a fraction of a second, people will "thin-slice" other people (to use Malcolm Gladwell's term from his famous book "Blink"), which has its roots in evo-psych from when prehistorical people had to quickly size up a stranger as it was a matter of life and death. Unfortunately, that sort of vestigial trait from the inner brain's limbic system works to our (Aspies) detriment

It doesn't help that it becomes a vicious circle, in which we experience more social rejection and this engenders more social anxiety, which manifests in our presentation.

It wasn't until I was about 30 that I became more able to mask this and get it under control... I found that what can make it difficult is lack of a feedback loop, since people will very seldom TELL YOU that something about you puts them off - maybe they'll tell you after the fact (as I did from a couple of dates with women, where they said they just found uncomfortable about me but couldn't articulate WHY) - then based on my own research, I determined that some of the aforementioned presentations were the root cause of this negative feeling among NTs.

Think about it: if you're a neurotypical, and 99% of the people you interact with exhibit more or less the same intro protocols, and then you occasionally come across the 1% who are unmasking and come off "odd", then you're probably going to prematurely write them off.

I think THIS forum article explains it very well: https://www.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comm ... ?rdt=50286

" I've got reason to think that people with autism give other people the uncanny valley. I think there is something about the way we move or hold our faces that subconsciously triggers it.

People always seem to want to either get away from us or hurt us, but the fact that they can never explain -why- is the most interesting part. They'll either say nothing, or use vague generic terms like 'weird'. The uncanny valley reaction happens in the unconscious mind which would explain why people never give you a reason for their hostile behaviour. They can't. They don't even really know they're doing it. "

I sometimes am heavily influenced by first impressions. It usually seems to be based on their personality. This especially is the case if they appear very aggressive towards everyone.

My best impressions of people occur when those people are ready to discuss ideas rather than themselves.

I have to say that I myself am a big believer in ' gut instinct ' which I have often found to be one of the best senses to be guided by, and it has served me quite well in trying to communicate with " the rest of them " but do you think that they are recognising this in us ? ( and then shying away )
Thanks for that response Jayo, there's lots there and I'm going to re-read again xx