Learnt behaviour: be quiet

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Most of my younger years clouded in silence by learnt behaviour and NT standards, so it's only in my older years that I'm more vocal blaming my child abuse on family members of mixed race and influenced by politics.
It seems strange but disagreements arise, tensions escalate and whilst I never expected grown woman to bully a child this is exactly what my step-mother did, she couldn't pick on someone her own size.
Another issue was my lack sexual expression and with autism I didn't learn how to manipulate a man for what I wanted in exchange for sex. I only realised this happened later when I wasn't performing and I was easily ostracised by blond women in power as I was trying to earn a living like a man, battling financial wage, not getting ahead in the other world.
I thought I was just outsted and didn't realise couples have relationship issues and that everything with blonds wasn't all going well as I thought, only later it came out by which time my abuse over selective mutism made it increasingly difficult for me to vocalise what had being happening all these years.

As a child I'd watch minnae moo and Kie, but I didn't understand that Minna Moe had a weight problem, or was just the sheer size of her which is similar to the American cartoon cow and chicken.

https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-sty ... -1.1497595

The Dutch Royals are always so graceful and it was always deemed best for me to keep quiet about problems in South Africa so as not to upset my dad's new wife. So I'd notice blond Dutch girls who were so big their calves were size of rugby balls as size of their legs was bigger than most men, or sometimes just plain overweight which is fine unless the husband is tall skinny guy then people perceive that Minna Moe and kie are causing a spectacle due to van riebecks genetics and his plump settler wife. Of which actually of 88 sailors to Cape point only 8 wives were allocated to these jailbirds who had no option but to do as instructed.
As I noticed over years how wealthy some got, I noted with blond wife some men tended to supply black Mercedes but we always walked home from school without miss prefects special treatment and how everyone always voted her in even as scholar patrol captain, and again learnt silence as deemed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nk172J4 ... 9kZQ%3D%3D

Not sure if it's just another love song or meaning behind all this music, what the musician meant?

Charlize Theron said her mother used to hit her with coat hangers, think South Africa's past left many of us growing up confused. Whether there is truth in Marilyn Monroe's real background, pics of her discovered at factory line and location, I don't know. But many new Netherlands settlers were already there so if South Africa was complaining and setting conditions for certain EU countries to be allowed to take resources from South Africa after war and depression, may be accurate. I suppose it easy to say oh, they should've put their foot down over neglect, should've stood on their own values but I suppose we take people back and try to work things out.
That's fine, but don't expect everybody else to adapt, I'm still having a hard time with my passport to leave, which isn't fair I never chose to colonise or unlike Germany wasn't prepared to settle for less.

My complaint is really how I've reached conclusion of how being outnumbered here has ruint my life, I felt exploited, unpaid, that offers were all for themselves and nothing for me. Originally the Boers lived in free state Oranje, and withheld opportunities from me, forcing me to get involved in western cape and how as young lady I'd known so little about politics, I'd only found out afterwards that Zuma was a Zula not a Xhosa and looked into how he became president. I didn't know how Indonesia or Indians were desperately working for the Dutch in hope of getting industry jobs or if Gupta brothers helped loot money from government, it appeared money ended up Swiss bank accounts, I don't know but I felt cultured and hadn't claimed refugee status, eventually I secured work with australians so I could take time off to think about the situation, research and try decide what I thought was right. But they'd already latched onto money and enough coloured vote for money to continue to do whatever they wanted.
So I realised we don't own our own ideas or even work, others can take over everything as if they could even do this for thselves. Disgrace was not even a cent paid to me, and I'd began to have renewed hope in people I met, australians because my life had become cornered, bullied, you name it
So after all these years I've sifted through various PTSD and tried to regulate.
Think, and come back trying to explain what how this happened

The next autism issues I have are whether citizens are required to think for themselves or work for things.
So ladies chat to my mom who wants to introduce me to some nice, quiet gentleman Boer who owns a farm, and my reaction is an absolute no, I'm busy now. But really how I noticed South Africa was girls encouraged to get modelling portfolios whereby they introduced to prospective business owners whom the government in relation to Germans had secured number of jobs under apartheid Nd proceeded to try educate and employ these men.
What don't tell you is that Oscar Pretorius is just worst case that made headlines, but regarding women's rights, other lady was cut old fashioned c-section scar and father given custody whilst mom walked onto the street. Huge cover up of political debates with Germans but since money involved try sort revenge, but instead change continued to take money comfort and set up not cricket but car race fixing of matches (whereby I was also part of accusations I was crazy for making such statements)
All I'm saying is that I don't think women in South Africa have any rights, here the agenda is absolute make dictatorship towards end product of nice quiet employed teacher/mother who has no clue what feminism is really about. But before ANC came into power the old government was so lagging behind the rest of the world in this department.

I've got all these issues off my mind, now. I think I should just try focus on things I enjoy Bout my life and try forget these years of fighting, let it go.

This was thing is Elon musk knows nothing about living in South Africa post-apartheid. I was robbed a few times, the one time took my phone but not violent and I forgave, thought about it what is it to be robbed of one's salary is more, to sit for that many hours every day for so little money, insane. And if that's not enough abusive comments, insults to my person.
Also going home not having money I need for my kids, these too are all crimes.
Then never white cleaning the street, digging up roads fixing, never work on mines...these facilities used exist, yet some do no work. When do white people join police and give their time, complain but heck,
I'm sure not going to donate my life as slave.