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Hey Wrong Planet Forums!

I've been lurking on and off for quite some years now and finally decided to post. I have no idea what you're "supposed" to write in an intro post on here so... Bear with me.

I've been in kind of a "grey zone" with regards to a diagnosis pretty much my whole life. I wasn't speaking much as a younger child and I missed a few other developmental milestones, so my mom brought me in for an autism evaluation (she is a special ed teacher with some neurodivergence herself!) But they wouldn't have me evaluated because I was homeschooled! (Anyone else have that experience?) I did wind up eventually going to a more traditional classroom environment but the problems never really went away. So over my life I got called the R-word, "short bus", etc, told there was something wrong with me, belittled, asked if I was autistic, social isolation, the whole nine yards. I'm sure y'all get it.

My first school didn't have a "gifted" program so I'll never know if I was, but I do know I was at the top of my class and loved academics until I moved and my mental health completely plummeted around age 14-15 (when I realized I was transgender... But in a very conservative, religious environment that didn't take too well to trans people). I eventually had a psych eval in college circa 2017 after being put on academic probation for failing grades, where I got an ADHD diagnosis and was told I likely have "nonverbal learning disorder" (which isn't in the DSM and, to me, sounds a lot like autism).

I joke that I have the "mental illness charcuterie board" because there's just so much crap going on up here (mainly, OCD and psychotic symptoms that both wax and wane). It gave me a huge interest in psychology for a while, lol.

I'm now in my mid-late 20s and doing a bit better for myself. I have the support of my wonderful partner who is autistic himself, a really great therapist, meds that help, etc. I work ~32 hours a week and am in school half-time for Public Health, which I'm really enjoying! I love academics again?! Yay.

I'm thinking of going in for an adult autism evaluation because I just want to know for sure and I want to be able to explain to people (especially people who could make my life harder, like cops) why I stop being able to speak when overwhelmed sometimes or why I talk to myself and rock back and forth and stuff. I don't feel confident telling people IRL I'm on the spectrum if I'm "just" self-evaluated.. But I'm also not the greatest "masker" (unless I'm masking my emotions, in which case I'm a closed book ) because people tend to pick up that there's something "different" or "off" about me. Lately I've been really overwhelmed and it's so hard to make even simple decisions in the moment. Ugh. Plus, I have congenital hearing loss and just got hearing aids a few years ago, so I think I'd be playing social catch-up even if I was neurotypical!

Also does anyone else get the type of meltdowns where you scream, hit yourself, bite yourself, etc? Or periods where you are so overwhelmed or overstimulated, that you physically can't force words to come out of your mouth? The former is bothering me the most lately. I injured my hand a bit during one yesterday, and it's feeling better now, but I'm concerned that I will seriously hurt myself especially as I get older. I just can't control it, especially if I'm alone. How do y'all handle or prevent it??

Anyways, that's my lengthy story, lol. Aside from all this brain stuff, I REALLY LOVE rats, public health (especially stuff about climate change and mental health reform), furry/anthro stuff, art, writing, hiking, and cooking! I LOVE FOOD! I may be awkward and quiet but I make up for it when I feed people

Nice to meet y'all

Also, I hope this post doesn't come across as too negative... Sorry if it does! There are things I love about my neurodivergence as well

Welcome to WP! I hope you like it here.

And...

That's why I got an Adult Autism Assessment, though I got mine weeks before my 65th birthday. I was already retired so no work accommodations would be needed, but I wanted to know! The only place I've tried to use the information is with some of my medical providers; so far I've gotten nowhere on that.

I will mention, however, that I thought the Adult Autism Assessment was kind of fun!

And the one clear benefit I get from "knowing" is that when my bride bumps up against one of my Autism traits I get to tell her:

I have a doctor's note for that!

If you are in the U.S. check with your medical insurance before you do anything, though. If you follow their procedures, and stay in their network of providers, you might be able to save some money.