is it abuse if he stopped

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So like my dad used to spank me for discipline whenever I did something wrong, but he stopped after I turned like 9. i'm kinda scared to ask this because I don't know if I'll like the answer

If it is abuse (and I don't know enough to know that) then it would still be abuse whether he was still doing it if if it had stopped

But discipline isn't abuse in itself

okay thanks. I'm feeling better know that It not abuse ^_^

I think this really depends on how one views corporal punishment.

I don't really approve of corporal punishment, but I think it's a stretch to define it as inherently abusive even if it's not ideal to rely on it.

If the goal is to injure or humiliate, or if it's done publicly, or if the motive is largely about venting anger rather than correcting behaviour I'd consider it abuse, but I don't think getting smacked on the backside in a society that's largely accepting of spanking amounts to abuse.

You're the one who knows him best, do you think his goal was to abuse you or modify your behaviour using the tools he had been led to believe were appropriate?

For me, the things that make corporal punishment definitely count as abuse are when it's arbitrary, when it's combined with other (verbal) abuse, when it's done to humiliate, if it's done with the goal of inflicting injury, when it's done as an emotional release, etc.

I can see the arguments for viewing all corporal punishment as abuse, but I also think they're pretty navel-gazey and require one to ignore the real world.

I'd argue the older the kid, the more likely humiliation becomes a factor whether intended or not. A small kid and a teenager or preteen will understand being spanked differently because of that age difference.

An older person is more likely to have feelings of either being infantilized or sexualized (or both) from being punished in that manner. I think this is a big factor in why a lot of parents who spank tend to phase it out as their kids get older; that and the child's ability to reason improves with age so talking to them becomes more effective.

It’s a tricky topic. I think corporal punishment, including spanking is wrong. A lot of parents believe that it’s in their kids’ best interest to do it if that’s what their parents did or if it’s considered acceptable by the surrounding culture.

Where I live, spanking is allowed from a legal standpoint, but it can’t be done hard enough to leave a mark, so if there are welts or bruises, that would be considered abuse. If it were up to me, I would make spanking, slapping, or any other physical punishment illegal because the research demonstrates that it can be harmful, and I think it can too easily cross the line. Of course, that doesn’t mean people do it to inflict harm. Some genuinely think it’s the right thing to do because that’s what their environment has led them to believe.

Yeah but I can't answer the question properly because I don't know if she was actually being abused or not

I don't like the thought of hitting children but that's me

My parents definitely crossed the line, but I think it was mostly that they didn’t know any better. It would’ve been different if there was maliciousness involved.

When I was a teacher and knew that a family used spanking as a punishment as most probably do here, I’d be vigilant in looking for signs of abuse - physical and behavioral, but most often there weren’t any. Many of those families were warm and nurturing like any other. That’s not to say that I didn’t make reports if I saw anything concerning with any child. One of my reports ended with the removal of an adult from a home. That didn’t involve a physical punishment.

Sorry if that’s way off-topic. In my experience, most of the time spanking isn’t physical abuse even though I don’t like it. I think one knows one’s own parents best although not everyone has the insight to think about it. It’s good to think about it because it can allow one to make different parenting choices with their own kids. Parents aren’t perfect and make mistakes. I know that I certainly do.