What is stopping me from changing?

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I seem to be having one of the nights of wanting to be silent until someone talks to me again but my mum and her partner haven't approached me thinking they know why I am being quiet again and won't speak to me because of being at work all day and just want to relax and is frustrating for them when I talk about certain issues.

I feel fed up because I've been doing only two days of work a week and sometimes hate having days off. Our hours at work have been cut and I don't feel like getting a second job or want to leave the job. I also feel like valentine's day has just made feelings of loneliness worse and feeling like time is wasting away being at an age where I should be in a long term relationship by now but I still feel conflicted about because I'm not ready for kids still. I posted a valentine's card to someone I knew from school but she hasn't spoken to me for a long time because of a falling out and I feel stupid for it.

The thing there's a part of me who wants change but I don't know how and I also feel as though I'm still single because I'm waiting for something to happen when it happens but I'm always worried that I'm taking too long especially if I'm into my 30s and I really wish this ticking clock feeling would go away and let me decide when I decide and thinking that people will stop being attracted to me.

Lighten up Chris. You're too critical of yourself