I realized I've been feeling this way. It's a good thing I've become aware. Yet it still sucks. I thought my neighbours were watching me and moved in just to do that. I thought my other neighbours were watching me in the shower. I'm sometimes convinced that I have multiple stalkers. Sometimes I hear myself in conversations where it turns out nobody was talking about me.
Recently I was performing exorcisms on myself. It turns out I am most likely not possessed by anything. It's scary to feel that way. I start to feel like I'm not myself and my vision goes blurry. My stomach will hurt and I think other people notice that I feel this way.
These feelings have made it hard to trust, make friends, and just get along at home sometimes. I accuse people of things and get mad at my family. I am getting more aware but not fully. As I still have vivid nightmares and Hallucinations of people who scare me telling me things to confirm beliefs. It's weird feeling as I try to find meaning in it and can't. I have to drink less coffee as it's contributing I think. I start feeling very jittery when I drink it.
I don't have a psychiatrist or DR currently. I struggle to navigate the system a lot. I have gotten in arguments with my DR over my diagnosis, my medications and haven't been the most open. I feel upset about that. Lately I've been consistent on medication. It's helped. I need to take it to stay at home. I find I get angry if I'm not consistent.
06 Mar 2025, 5:01 pm
