Man at synagogue wanting to connect too fast

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Summer_Twilight
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14 Apr 2025, 3:01 pm

I don't know if I have posted about this or not

Back in January, while having lunch at my former synagoge, I met a new man who had been visiting. Though I thought he was cute and had only seen him a total of two times. He also wanted my number because he said that he had started a youtube series which I was interested in.

His description:
He explained to me that he lived with bipolar disorder, lived on social security and made very little money by going and cleaning two gas stations under the table. Meanwhile he lived on one of those monthly rooms for rent. Finally, he wore the same outfit both times along with having greasy hair.

Redflags:
Although he seemed nice enough, I felt like something was off
1. During the second interactions, he seemed to enjoy being involved in the same activities that I was doing. This was even though we didn't sit in the same room for most of it.

2. He also tried to invite himself over to my house so I could show him a movie that he had never seen but I said no.

3. He texted me a few evenings later which was fine but texted me the next day by using a pick up line.
"Look I am sorry to bother you but I lost the link to an instagram page..."


- I told him not to text me so much because we barely know each other and that I only text people who I am close to

- I also said that I would rather invite him to hang out in a group.

-He said "I would also feel more comfortable getting together un a group before we try anything else." At that point, I said that I didn't have those feelings for him

-He also kept asking me "Will I see you this Saturday?"

In the meantime, I was looking at leaving that synagogue and visiting some other places. While he is not the main reason why I left, his behavior was one of the reasons I stopped going.



The_Face_of_Boo
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Yesterday, 10:41 am

Off topic:

I find the similarities betwen the Christian churches (Protestant in particular) and the Jewish synagogues very astonishing.

I wonder If ancient synagogus always looked like churches, and which influenced the other more.



TwilightPrincess
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Yesterday, 1:06 pm

Yeah, he sounds pushy.

IME, someone making you uncomfortable is a good reason to stop going or to look for a different religious community. I wish I would’ve quit going instead of putting up with ongoing nonsense for a long time. Hindsight is the best sight.


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Summer_Twilight
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Yesterday, 3:14 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
Yeah, he sounds pushy.

IME, someone making you uncomfortable is a good reason to stop going or to look for a different religious community. I wish I would’ve quit going instead of putting up with ongoing nonsense for a long time. Hindsight is the best sight.


Thinking about it a few months later, I don't think it was good idea for me to form any type of relationship with him. Just because he paid attention while other didn't does not mean that relationship would have been healthy. I especially felt sick and icky after he started acting sneaky in those text messages. I ended up blocking his number and one of his social media accounts after he tried to follow me the next day.

As I said though, he was not the only reason that I left. The real deal breaker was that I felt like that this congregation was not a good fit for so many reasons. For one thing, the people there are not very friendly or welcoming in general. They are people who tend to like their comfort zones.

Meanwhile I found a new congregation and I am lot happier there as the people there are much nicer. However, I am not going there looking for mate though my eyes are open



AprilR
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Yesterday, 3:19 pm

Pushy people or people who force closeness are def. Red flags. I think you did the right thing by blocking.



Participant626
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Yesterday, 3:48 pm

Nice job spotting the red flags! Isn't blocking a number a good feeling?


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Deinonychus
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Today, 1:09 am

I would go with your gut.If you feel something is off, chances are you are probably right.