We should accept the possibility of never experiencing it.

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I’ve been on here for a while and like everyone else have noticed the struggles people have with dating/relationships/sex. I myself am no different with this as I never been on a first date or even had a woman flirt with me before. Which of course adds to the rest of how my romantic life is nonexistent. With all of this, I have come to realization that me along with everybody else needs to be ok with the possibility of never having a romance in our life’s.

Let’s get two things clear: dating always wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair from the beginning. It’s not fair now. And it won’t be fair in the future. Also romance is never ever guaranteed in our life. You can go through your whole life never having a romantic life. Because of these two things, it means that some of us are just too ugly and/or too weird to ever have a romantic life. It also means that the best version of ourselves still could result in nobody wanting to be with us romantically.

With these two things about life, it’s the reason why I believe that each of us should accept the possibility that romance very well may not be meant for us. With this mind, we individually have to learn how to be ok with that. How to be ok that it may never happen. Some of you will say I’m being too negative/pessimistic with this. But remember, there are 50+ year olds out there in which they’ve never been on a date, relationship, have sex, etc. I think most of them didn’t expect to reach that age never having any romantic experience but they did and it could easily happen to any one of us. It’ll probably happen to me.

Now obviously there are people on here who currently or have experienced romance in their life so they aren’t really going to relate to this post. But I do think it’s worth noting that you could have easily be in the same situation that a lot of us are in now. That’s just how life can go for anyone.

I thought I never would. I was wrong.

I'm thinking that being okay with never finding romance is an essential step to finding healthy romance. If you're looking for it, then you're making decisions and changing to get it as an end goal, which can ultimately sabotage it. If you're not looking for it, it will be more likely that you naturally meet someone that fits your life good enough to be a healthy partner. It's like that wise saying that's something about you have be happy alone before being happy with someone.

I agree with your assessment of your situation and others in a similar situation to yourself.

Not sure it always works this way. If you put no effort into obtaining something, then you usually won't obtain it. If you are a male, most women just won't come and ask you out unless you are very attractive. You usually have to do the risk taking.

If you continue to believe that...then that will turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy!! !

You MUST change your mind-set if you are to ever to find love!

I got my 1st girlfriend when I was not seeking a relationship. We met on a forum for a common interest & we had some odd things in common & became best friends before she told me she liked me. However I only got my 2nd & 3rd(current) relationship by majorly seeking. I highly doubt I would have met anyone organically like my 1st girlfriend if I was not seeking & stating that I was wanting a relationship. Both my 2nd & 3rd girlfriends expressed interest in me partly because they knew I was wanting a relationship & they though I'd might be interested in a relationship with them.

That said, I do think it's better not to be hung-up on having a relationship if your able to be self-sufficient & can manage OK on your own. I'm not like that though & never will really be capable of living by myself partly for financial reasons & disabilitites limiting independent functioning. Living together being a serious interdependent relationship is aLOT better for me than the alternatives of living with parents that resented me for still living with them or being homless on the street or worse.

Happy to hear that for you.

Not really. Everything I mentioned is a possible avenue of how life can go for someone. You can have the greatest hope that you’ll find romance in your life. But hope or a changing mindset isn’t going to get you in a relationship. I just say learn to accept and be ok with the possibility of never experiencing it. It’s not so much defeatism but rather being realistic about it all.

No. You actually have to be looking for it. How else are you supposed to find it?

There is a difference between accepting the possibility that one might remain single forever, but still carrying on the search, but with less pressure, having accepted and made peace with the alternative option - and resigning yourself to being single forever as a fact, and just giving up completely. If you keep trying, it's acceptance - if you give up, it's defeatism. It's not "acceptance" just cos you've "accepted" defeat. That's like saying you're being "positive" cos you're "positive" you're going to fail.

There is also a difference between going out into the world and living your life as normal, but keeping a lookout for the possibility of a potential partner - and the goal of finding a partner being the single most consuming activity in your life, where all other life activities are centered around said goal of finding a partner.