Do you like my Kids book?

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Hi I wrote this story but I dont know why, lol. Please dont criticize though, I'm only a kid. Its fantasy so here goes...

The Palace of fire monkeys
Chapter one

Jason opened his eyes, A British bulldog leaped at him, the dog’s wet tongue took a long strike along his face. Suddenly a blurry figure stormed into the room shouting “Fluffy GET DOWN!” the dog leapt off the bed. It ran to the figure and dropped onto four legs and wiggled its pointy ears. When Jason straightened up he could see the dog on looking up at the blurry figure whimpering. “You Ok?” asked the figure, Jason rubbed his eyes and could now see the person clearly. “Yeah” he answered turning to the window. The sky was surprisingly dark considering it was summer. “Sorry about that…” the figure said giving the dog a signal to trot out of the room. “Oh don’t worry about it Alexander, its not a problem”. Alexander left the room muttering something about the bulldog. A science beaker on the wall was rattling, he picked it up and put it in his bag

P.S. If you like it I'll write more

it's a little short to comment on ...

i like the style, it's direct, no unnecessary decorating words, but just enough to avoid it to be boring.
whether i'd read it, is not a question i can answer because i'm not into reading right now and not a kid either, i'll ask my daughter(13).

and maybe make it a little longer, cause she devores books (she reads 1 darren shan in an afternoon in english, even if english is the 3rd language she learned) so you better hurry writing ...

Sounds interesting! I want to know what happens next.

:) thanks for the comments... Ok... I'll post a bit more if you like...

He appearedto hear a small BOOM! From the distance. He got up and saw a shadowy figure dart under the windowsill. Later on he went downstairs into the inn and saw Lucas on one of the sofa’s grasping a blue bottle. “Ah’ there yeh’ are” said the innkeeper edging onto his stool. “The usual…” said James to the barman while walking over to Lucas. “Did you hear the noises from the North Region?”. “I did!” the door swung open and a cloaked figure stepped in. “You!” shouted the man at the bar. A cloaked women stepped up and a staff appeared in her hand. There was a silver Eagle with an orb in its mouth that was glowing. “This has gone too far!” she shouted threatening the cloaked figure with her staff. A man from the corner of the bar was approaching the cloaked figure. The figure put his hand aside and the man was thrown against the wall. “Williams!” he shouted as the woman wiped the staff past his face. “Ha! that all?” he shouted sarcastically in her face while Lucas and James stood up to help. The bulldog that licked James pulled the back of the cloak and he turned round. Purple smoke came out of the staff and he wobbled about and fell on the floor.

Please dont make fun of it... I'm only 9... :lol: and I'm not lying by the way

You show good writing skill. Keep up the good work!

Thx Hartzofspace More coming soon!

Here's more!...

There was a few seconds silence and the bartender asked, “Who are you?” asked James sitting on a stool facing her. “I’m just a traveller…” she answered. “Doesn’t look like it”. “I know by far that’s a travellers staff and that has to be owned by Isabelle Williams” he said darting his eyes at the staff. “There’s only one of them in the world, and I know a real one” Said James sliding off the stool . “Ah! that’s what he wanted” said Lucas examining the figure. “Something tells me this has gone to far… nine attacks in a week”. The man at the bar tossed a bottle to Isabelle. “It’s fer’ savin my bar” he said as Isabelle searches the label. She somehow ripped off the label to reveal a purple label that said it was fire berry poison.

Thats it for today

Very exciting!

i'll try to catch my daughter's attention again,
but she's drawing at the moment, already for days, won't be easy ...