What is your relationship to your MOTHER?

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Were you breastfed? Was/Is she mentally stable? Was she distant, cold and aloof from you? Were you emotionally abandoned as an infant?

Yes, yes, no, no.

I think having an unstable parent can exacerbate behavioral problems in all children, whether NT or on the spectrum. However, I think ASDs are caused by genes and maybe influenced complex environmental factors. If there's any truth to the "refrigerator mother" theory, it's only that autistic mothers are genetically more likely to have autistic children, and observers wrongly interpret this as bad parenting causing ASDs.

Oh wow, good questions! I mentioned something concerning my mom in another thread. I'll copy and paste it here, too:

"Guess what my mom told me on the phone tonight? First a little background... I asked her if she remembered how picky I was about my clothes when I was growing up, how tags bothered me, and how I'd throw a fit if a shirt had a band in it that touched my waist and how clothes had to fit me just so-so. She said she didn't remember that in particular (OMG I threw such big fits, how could she forget!?!?) but she did say:

"You were... ONE.............. WEIRD................ KID!! !" She emphasized it like that.

I had her on speaker phone when we were talking and my husband was sitting next to me. He heard what she said and we both looked at each other and our jaws dropped!! ! We just stared at each other like "WTF!??" It's like the older my mom gets, the more she just lets loose with her thoughts and tells it like it is. But I was glad that my mom made that declaration because it's just further proof to me that I am indeed not NT. I'm not weird on purpose, I'm weird because I am wired neurologically different."

As per your questions:

1.) Were you breastfed?

Yes but not for long. Seems like she said I had difficulty with it. (Why do you ask?)

2.) Was/Is she mentally stable?

I've always thought something was a little off about her, but I never could figure it out. Now that I've found out about ASD, I'm thinking she might be either AS or HFA. Or maybe it is just that she's had a very very hard life.

3.) Was she distant, cold and aloof from you?

Yes, yes and yes. She has always had a stoic look on her face, doesn't smile near enough and doesn't show much emotion. She has a big heart though... she loves very deeply. She just has a hard time expressing it.

4.) Were you emotionally abandoned as an infant?

No.

OK - I'm asking cause I'm making correlations between the hormone oxytocin - aka the trusting, connecting neuropeptide and the lack of and importance of in such disorders as autism and other behavior related issues. My theory is that oxytocin plays a huge role in the ability to formulate connections of the heart with another, the world and a higher spiritual entity.

It's introduced into the brain via breastfeeding and reinforces the immature/in potential neurotransmitters that allow for empathy within the forming infant brain. Infant suckles, breasts stimulate brain of mother, mother feeds infant more oxytocin and more neurotransmitters are initiated within that child - for life. Structures and pathways in the brain necessary for every single type of relating are built with the building blocks of oxytocin. Now I am learning that within this structure is also the path of esteem - self and others. Learning to read people can be done via the mental faculties and bypassing oxytocin-made receptors - but via the oxytocin pathways it is innate, understood and empathic.

If on the other hand within the womb and during breastfeeding the child was rejected - even SUBLIMINALLY (!) i.e. on a psychic level - unconconsciously - the infant WILL pick this up and incorporate these *vibrations* into its psychic patterns which set the path for and throughout life - as distant, cut off, isolated, enshelled and within a sphere of one's one.

That's my theory.

what gives with the CAPS?

I dunno, I was breastfed for nearly a year and my mother was definitely very strongly bonded to me. Yet I still feel very certain that I have an ASD, and I know from discussing it with many other people that I do not read people in the typical way. My self-esteem has also been very poor at times. The only explanation I can find for my AS is genetics inherited from my father's family. My father has the same poor social, organizational, and memory skills as I do. His mother died years ago, but from what I observed during her life and from stories I've been told, she was also very nurturing and had a close relationship with him.

However, I do think that the strong bond between my mother and I was important to improving my functioning level and helping me to pass for NT, because my desire to please her led me to take seriously the social advice and academic expectations she had for me.

I wasn't breast fed.

And despite having an extremely strained relationship with my mother, I still felt bonded to her. She was my mom. Oxytocin or not, I still followed her around like a baby chick.

Our relationship was not overflowing with tenderness and affection. But to be fair to her, I am still distant with everyone.

Here's another facet of the equation - that as each fingerprint is unique so is the emotional and psychic makeup of the soul - so maybe one of the conditions happens to be not forming bonds prenatally and after and others present themselves in other relational formats - such as via generational (via ancestorial) patterning.

Breastfed-no
Emotionally stable-yes
Distant, cold, aloof-no
Emotionally abandoned as infant-no

My mother and I are very close. She was the one who instilled in me a love of books and reading early and also a love of animals. We have had pets in the house since before I was born. We have had five dogs and probably at least three times as many cats over a period of four decades.

Digger1- Caps are used to show strong emotion. I was expressing my mom's voice.

It's operation as hormone is rather distinct form it's operation as neurotransmitter.


No, it doesn't even pass from the blood into the brain, let alone via oral intake.

all sustenance travels from mother to infant via the blood (during metabolization) , including breastmilk and chemical compounds (hormones, toxins) etc.

Yes I think so.
Not sure she was definetly not an Aspie.
Yes
Yes I don't remember when I was an infant but all signs point to yes.

yes/yes/no/no

I was very close to my mother as a child, as on her lap until I was too big to do it anymore. Used to run from my room to my parents with my eyes closed at 2am to snuggle up next to her.

Yes, but there is a blood-brain barrier which only allows certain chemical compounds to pass into the brain. For example, dopamine can relieve Parkinson's disease symptoms, but it does no good if just injected or taken orally, because it cannot cross into the brain. However, a biological precursor of dopamine, L-dopa, can pass through the blood-brain barrier and be converted into dopamine there. So a mother doesn't transmit oxytocin directly to her child's brain via breastmilk.

lol, reminds me of something my philosophy teacher was talking about a while back when explaining about why psychiatrists always ask what your relationship with your mother was like when you first go in (regarding something in Plato-the Republic)... then I saw your post about looking for the truth, which is another big thing with it (philosophy). Sorry-random train of thought there, was making a connection in my mind... feel free to ignore these ramblings, lol-I just found it interesting and have no clue why I felt the need to share.

I think my mom is an Aspie, as well as me and my son-if that explains anything. I wouldn't say emotionally abandoned, but emotionally detached at times. Not all of the time-just as I am with my own. We both (my mother and I) have a tendency to put things off at times when interested in something or thinking really hard, so I suppose that could reflect as emotional abandonment to any observer, but it's not what is going on. There is a very strong bond of sorts, yet a very small bond at the same time if that makes sense.

Maybe I'm biased due to my own experience

As far as the rest goes, yes for the most part. She's a bit high strung and can come across as completely insane at times... but I wouldn't necessarily call it unstable now that I'm older and can find her logic in the way she handles things for the most part-it takes a while, but it is there. Growing up, I thought she was nuts.