Can the Women's Discussion be women only please?

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SpaceStace
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25 Sep 2007, 5:50 pm

I would find it a lot more comfortable discussing women's issues in the Women's Discussion Forum if it weren't so full of men. What's even the point of it if men are constantly in there? Considering how many men post in there, I can't even imagine how many lurkers there are. Although it says very clearly and sternly in the header, "NO guys allowed!", the men here clearly do not respect that boundary at all, and I find it distressing.

Since the men routinely violate that clearly defined boundary (and I use the word violate very consciously), please, can we restrict that forum to only those registered as female? [Like the way the member's only forum is done]

Does anyone else feel the same?



shadexiii
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25 Sep 2007, 6:00 pm

This is an old issue.
The "no guys" thing isn't treated with any level of seriousness.
Guys being "creepy" is understandably a concern.

There's no way of really stopping them, all it would take would be to make an additional account listing you as female to bypass any sort of restriction.

Yes, that would be breaking the rules.
No, that wouldn't stop some people.



DR_NaTan
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25 Sep 2007, 6:02 pm

It would be impossible to enforce as it is nearly impossible to determine the sex of most people on the Internet anyway.

Goto the membership list and pick a person that has a long history and self IDs female. Then read their last 100 posts to see if they seem reasonable and are active here. Then personal message them to act as a proxy for you in the womens forum.



SpaceStace
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25 Sep 2007, 7:05 pm

Oh well. It would have been nice to be able to be more open in a truly women-only space but if it's not feasible then it's not. I just won't say anything I would only say to women.

Maybe instead of saying no guys allowed it should warn naive newbie women like me that while it is intended for women only, there will always be some men with no respect at all for women's boundaries, so don't say anything here you don't want guys to hear and comment on.

I know now that that's the case, but what if some poor woman comes in there and talks about abuse or something thinking it's a "safe" place? I'm sure I'm not the first nor the last to be so naive as to think men wouldn't violate clearly marked women's space? :oops: I would hate to think of some girl being hurt instead of helped by this place because of something like that.



shadexiii
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25 Sep 2007, 7:10 pm

SpaceStace wrote:
I know now that that's the case, but what if some poor woman comes in there and talks about abuse or something thinking it's a "safe" place? I'm sure I'm not the first nor the last to be so naive as to think men wouldn't violate clearly marked women's space? :oops: I would hate to think of some girl being hurt instead of helped by this place because of something like that.

In terms of topics such as abuse, I don't see the harm in having males able to read it. If one were to say something blatantly and intentionally offensive or hurtful, that's inexcusable, regardless of the sex of the person responsible.

I can remember numerous times where I have seen posts asking for advice from males, or from females, posted in various places on here. I even made such a post a couple times myself. If it is a subject you don't feel comfortable just throwing out there, that's an option.



violentcloud
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25 Sep 2007, 7:46 pm

SpaceStace wrote:
I know now that that's the case, but what if some poor woman comes in there and talks about abuse or something thinking it's a "safe" place?


Since the men's forum was removed, we don't have the *illusion* of a 'safe' place to discuss sensitive issues. I know there were plenty of reasons for removing it, but you can't justify having a forum that the male members can't even access when they don't have a forum of their own - unless you're a fan of apartheid, in which case such an arrangement will be right up your street.



shadexiii
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25 Sep 2007, 7:50 pm

violentcloud wrote:
Since the men's forum was removed, we don't have the *illusion* of a 'safe' place to discuss sensitive issues. I know there were plenty of reasons for removing it, but you can't justify having a forum that the male members can't even access when they don't have a forum of their own - unless you're a fan of apartheid, in which case such an arrangement will be right up your street.

I've had this issue elsewhere with this argument. Even being male, I simply have a difficult time thinking up what kind of issues a guy might have that he'd only want to talk about with other guys. Maybe ED, but past that...not a clue.



violentcloud
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25 Sep 2007, 8:02 pm

I can think of plenty! Although some members are quite happy discussing some issues openly, I can think of many things I'd rather not discuss in such a manner.



calandale
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25 Sep 2007, 8:47 pm

Sure, but why is the line only
on gender (by the original meaning)?
Why not on many other divides, as
well?

We have to trust one another to be
reasonable. What you feel uncomfortable
talking about, probably shouldn't go on
a public forum. Though, the amount of
information that one reveals about oneself
is entirely up to that person. As such, if you
wish anonymity, you can be as personal as
you like, without worry, so long as you don't
reveal anything which identifies you.



violentcloud
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25 Sep 2007, 8:52 pm

...and failing that, create a second account to use when disussing sensitive issues, so nobody knows it's you. After all, a fair few people have already sacrificed most of their anonymity.



Claradoon
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25 Sep 2007, 8:54 pm

I would like the forum to be restricted to women only. There will always be guys pretending to be women, also known as trolls, that can't be helped. I don't think the inability to evade trolls = open invitation to the world.



shadexiii
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25 Sep 2007, 8:57 pm

Claradoon wrote:
I don't think the inability to evade trolls = open invitation to the world.

If those that would otherwise be accessing aren't trolls...what's the harm? Wouldn't a troll cause a feeling of less privacy than someone that is simply curious? More than that, if all it is is curiosity, what's to stop someone from making an account to gain access and simply lurking?



violentcloud
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25 Sep 2007, 8:57 pm

It's a completely reasonable request, but not when there isn't *any* place specificly for mens discussion. If someone wants to discuss something sensitive so badly, they can just create a new account and maintain their anonymity.



SpaceStace
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25 Sep 2007, 9:27 pm

I'm new here so I don't know the history here of why there is no men's forum (any more?) but my request that the women's forum be only for women in no way implied that men should not have a men-only forum, or any subgroup by race, religion, sexuality, age or anything for that matter. It was a reaction to the description of the forum on the index page not matching the reality of that room and a request that it do so. If there were a men's forum that claimed to be something it was not, I would... oh wait, if I saw a men's forum, I would respect that it's for men who want their privacy and not enter it. What a novel idea that must be to many people!

I don't even have any issues that are for women's eyes only. I just came here, saw a forum purporting to be for women only, entered the space under that assumption, and was surprised it was full of men. It's a feeling like: imagine you think you're alone for a while and then you find out you're been being watched the whole time - it's kinda creepy, even if you didn't actually undress or anything.

In practice, it's not a women's only forum at all, and unless it becomes so I think it's name and it's tag in the index are misleading and should be changed.



violentcloud
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25 Sep 2007, 9:34 pm

I think that a fair few people post in the Women's Forum purely by accident, due to the fact that new threads in it appear alongside threads from all the *other* forums in the 'posts since your last visit' thingy. I know *I* don't bother checking which forum the threads are in, I just click on ones that sound interesting. I don't think I've accidentally invaded the Women's Forum so far, though.



calandale
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25 Sep 2007, 9:56 pm

SpaceStace wrote:
I'm new here so I don't know the history here of why there is no men's forum (any more?) but my request that the women's forum be only for women in no way implied that men should not have a men-only forum, or any subgroup by race, religion, sexuality, age or anything for that matter.


Just how many sub-forums with restricted access do
you suggest then?
Quote:

In practice, it's not a women's only forum at all, and unless it becomes so I think it's name and it's tag in the index are misleading and should be changed.


I think that the name is fine. Changing
the description, since that was NEVER
the case anyhow, would probably be
a good move. Though, by having it
the way that it is, it may just keep some
men from posting there. Probably not from
looking, however. And, once one sees that
other men are posting, it becomes more
difficult to restrain oneself.

But, there become difficult issues surrounding
those with gender issues (by the modern meaning),
of which there are a number here.