How do you show love?

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I am NT but my boyfriend has AS. I'm completely in love with him and i let him know, but he has yet to verbally express his feelings for me.

He does lots of sweet things for me but never once has he ever said that he loves me or cares about me or that i mean anything to him.
It's been 6 months and normally that's enough time to buid an emotional feeling towards someone.

I try to be happy with how amazing he is in every other respect but, sometimes I'm a silly girl who just needs to hear some silly words of love.

How do you express love? Is that normal that he hasn't expressed any feeling towards me?
How can I help him to communicate his feelings without feeling like I'm attacking him?

I couldn't tell my first girlfriend i loved her, though i did.
I tried to get the point across by joking about it, saying 'I love you... in an angsty teenage way'. Maybe your boyfriend's doing this or something like that?
He probably has affectionate feelings for you, but is too nervous to show it.
Though if it's been 6 months, it's more of a certainty than a probability.

I can feel and I can talk about my feelings.

What I find difficult is doing both at the same time.

In other words when I have strong emotions I find I can't express them verbally.

So the time I am feeling the most is the very time I can express the least.

Like your boyfriend I prefer to show my feelings in a practical way rather than verbally.

Tell him that if he loves you, he should tug on your earlobe and that whenever he feels it but can't say it to just tug on your ears because you need to know it like a multivitamin dosage and he needs to do something about that. Maybe he'll get sick of reaching for your earlobes and have a breakthrough about saying it.

Lots of hugs. My girlfriend knows that I love her but she doesn't need to be told too often because of one of the AS attributes, consistency. She knows that she's the only woman in my life, she knows that there's no possibility of me running off with the 22 year old blonde across the hall, and she knows that if he hugs me she'll get one back (and I mean it).

Ed Almos

Well, I've got no difficulty in saying, "I love you," so I'm probably not the person to ask. I tend to touch my wife's skin a lot if I'm feeling affectionate, depending on location, appropriateness, etc. I probably cross a social line occasionally with that, though, and don't realise.

I think it is hard for the majority of aspies to verbalise their emotions, especially strong ones such as love. This is not to say love isn't felt, though I do believe it is muted in some with aspergers. I believe someone here once said they believe that many with Aspergers feel 'too much' to be able to express it. With me, I can feel most overwhelming love, but saying anything love related at the time I am feeling it and to the person I feel it for, is like something getting trapped in my throat.

I would say if this man has been with you that length of time, he must have feelings for you, or it would be pretty pointless for him, don't you think ? I mean, fact is, even NT males can be this way about feelings, it is one of the reasons for that whole 'Men are from Mars, women are from Venus' thing. Males and females do communicate and express differently for the most part.

Maybe if it is that important to you, a note might be easier. then he could write a note back. I can always express better in writing than speech.

You should both read the book "The Five Love Languages".

In short, people feel, receive and deliver love in different ways! He might be showing he loves you in a way you don't understand, so you don't receive the love he's trying to send, or vice-versa.

I'm going to do the same.

Marilyn,
Neither males nor Aspies are known to express such emotions in the ways most women expect.

HEY, he may REALLY love you and, if you leave for a time, get sick, or die, he may get emotions at a level he otherwise wouldn't. He may risk his life and welfare just to keep you comfortable. Yet he still might not say he loves you. For one thing, I imagine many men/aspies feel it is trite and really without meaning.

Besides, some will say they love you, and meanwhile not care a bit.

He probably does love you.

The nice things he does for you are most likely the way he shows that he loves and cares about you. He isn't just doing them to make himself feel better or anything-he is doing them for you, which shows he does care.

I don't always respond when my bf says "I love you"-sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I just kind of assume he knows since I talk to him about things and like doing things for him and with him, so I never really see the need to state the obvious

I really don't know, I'm pretty curious...

Any ladies want to love me to see how I love back...

You know... for science...

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=8SSHKSBCemI[/youtube]

well Marilyn, i have aspergers at 27. looking back i have to think about this. are you and him in school right now? cause i remember when i was in school i pretty much didnt really have the time to fall in love or even think about it, so focused on my education. but when i was out of school and working it was a different case. i did work hard and i was attracted to a beautiful lady, and i think she was attracted to me too, i just didnt have the guts to ask her out, especially on valentines day. guess i was to busy,frustrated and tired,physically drained from working graveyard. I did email her and instant message her for a while. even asked her out to a concert in a email but she ended up being busy and at one point "i emailed her and told her that i loved her, but i dont think i could deal with a relationship" and i did get a email from her after that, she seemed more open to me in email and then she completely stopped being on the internet, email, and instant message and lost contact with her completely cause she canceled her email or something... Even though i still do love her. even with it being 4 years since i last saw her or contacted her. try and give him your email or aim name if he has a computer. i seem to communicate alot better by email or instant messenger. just an idea. or something related to non verbal if possible. like a letter, or email, or instant messenger, etc cause verbal is the hardest to do for aspies usually. they usually "freeze up" if they try to talk to someone who they may have feelings for and or they may be interested in a specific hobby, ask him what he likes to do? if he uses the computer, watches movies? etc.

I personally have concluded that love is just a base biological instinct. I certainly wouldn't express it.

Do not give up. Research what they call the "love languages". He may never feel truly comfortable in expressing his emotions verbally. I can easily do this...however, in showing how I feel, I become flustered. He may be showing his love through what he is doing. Also, I strongly recommend you research more on asperger's to give you a better understanding of how he thinks.

Annabel