The United States:
We were the first free country in the history of the world. Nobody before us had even thought of the idea of rebelling against their leaders. We invented money. Jesus was an American, but he couldn't get over here because Columbus (another American) hadn't discovered America yet. We won both world wars simply because we thought it would be a fun thing to do. We liberated Britain and France from Germany, and blew up Hitler in his bunker. We killed Kennedy because he knew about the aliens in Area 51. If it wasn't for us, the world would have been blown up by the Soviets. Ronald Reagan personally stopped the apocalypse by telling G-d to sit down and shut up. Because we're so great, we're going to gradually conquer the rest of the world. Except for Canada and Mexico, because we don't want those people to be Americans.
Actually, there isn't anything that is very interesting about the United States that isn't already common knowledge.
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My life is a dark room. One big dark room.
-Lydia Dietz, "Beetle Juice"