My life is over.

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I am so sorry to post this but it's hard to fight back the tears and I don't know what else to do. Go ahead, accuse me of feeling sorry for myself. I am nothing but a lone entity trying to make its way in a world that hates me. I thought that I was o.k. with everything and for a while I managed to convince myself that I have a lot to be thankful for, etc., but I can't lie to myself anymore. I feel so utterly useless. I try so hard to be cheerful because people hate me for being depressed. . I am so tired of being a burden on everyone. I just cannot feel any joy no matter what I do. I feel like I am residing in a black hole. I'm 37 and there is absolutely nothing to look forward to. I hate not being a young woman anymore. I have a part-time job and nothing to look forward to. Everything just feels so hopeless. I am a terrible person because if I was a good person then I would be happy and would be out doing good things. I try to do good things; I volunteer once a week at a place that helps people who are homeless and need groceries or rent and utility assistance. I just feel like a robot going through the motions. I wish it would all just be over. Everyone hates me. My friends hate me for being depressed and my family hates me for depending on them. Thanks for listening. I just don't know what to do. I have tried couseling before and they told me idiotic things like go sign up for a dating service. I wish I could just vanish and not be a bother anymore.

you can be a good person and be in your situation at the same time.

it took me several years to stop playing victim and being dependent on others, but i did. you can do the same.

i believe that, first of all, you must stop analyzing yourself so much. just stop thinking about your life for a while. a few minutes for start and then more and more. just start accepting the things around you for what they are. at this moment your life is the way it is and first step is to accept it.

then, if you wish you can change it. because, as you certainly already noticed, if you pity yourself, so you can draw attention of people around you, it works only for very short time. then, as you wrote, they start hating you.

strictly from the 'technical' point of view, if we live in desperation on daily bases, our neurons get connected that way. the more we use the desperation, the stronger the connections are. to reconnect our neurons takes some time, but it's possible only and only if we don't use the connections anymore.

Just about everyone believes they've become a burden on the world at some point. The truth is, they are all correct. Everyone who has wants & needs to sustain themselves is in some way a burden, but they also do many helpful things to balance it out. It's just when you're depressed, the good things u do seem minimal and your needs seem overbearing.

Basically, u just gotta lighten up some. You're keeping busy, & u still have family & friends in your life. Needing to tell someone your problems is perfectly ok, and u have just as much of a place as anyone else in this world to accept help & compassion w/o feeling guilty about it. I'm sure other people rely on u for things too. Most people who tally what they give vs. what they take will be depressed very quickly. U just can't dwell on it.

When life's difficulties gang up on you...first of all, don't try to do everything yourself. Do all you can about the things you can
handle...and then, put everything else in God's hands. You can depend upon God...he will not fail you. Let go and let God.
Second: Pray for guidance and believe in the direction NOW being given to you.
Third: Pray for and practice a calm attitude...disturbing thoughts will remain as long as you allow them to persist. But, when you
become peaceful, conditions will iron themselves out.
Fourth: Saturate your consciousness with faith...the creative faith that things will turn out right. In quietness and in confidence, you will find peace.
Fifth: Remind yourself of one great truth...HARD experiences will pass, they will yield, they can be changed...so just hold on with God's help.
Never forget that God cares about you and wants to help you...turn to him and accept his help willingly.
All of us experience troubles similiar to your own...but, God is our refuge and strength... and our source of help in a world that
is overwhelming with challenges and difficulties. God will see you through...and a brighter day will dawn for you.
The only thing you can ever really control in this life is your own mental attitude.
My joy comes in believing that I have an ENDLESS HOPE, not a HOPELESS END.
Good luck!

Six months ago, I felt completely the same! I was really terribly depressed. And do you know what helped me? The drugs (I mean the medicine) - but this isn't the right reason why I´m feeling o.k. now. I desperately knew that I had to change my current situation - I couldn't be with people any more. Now I´m only at home and go out when it is really necessary. I study at home and do everything through the Internet.

Believe me, there is still hope, even if everything looks so black. Think of something that you can change. I did my last attempt to "save my life from depression" and considered it as the most stupid and unreal thing that could occur to me, but it helped me a lot!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !

By the way, is there someone who can´t be in the presence of other people too?

Hi Star, by posting that you know that you don't feel good, and that's good. So tell us, Do you have something that you want to do, something unfinished? or know a person that makes you still want to live?

Thank you all so much for your replies. I suppose I am feeling some despair at the moment but I am still here and I am not going anywhere. This may sound idealistic and naive, but I would very much like to be involved in the disability rights movement. I am very concerned that our society in America is turning into a society intolerant of people who don't fit a certain mold. I did gain some insight from some of the posts here; yes, I was put down a lot growing up and I believe that being passive in life has been a defense mechanism for me. There are some friends I have that do accept me for who I am. I think sometimes they get frustrated with me. Maybe I should call them and tell them that I am going through a hard time right now but I realize that they can't make me happy?

I like to draw cartoons with political overtones. I am not much of an artist but I draw stick figures and let the words compensate for my lack of artistic ability. I drew a picture of a long haired hippie saying "Hope I die before I get old". In the next frame I drew the same man with a receding hairline saying "Hope someone cares for me when I get old." This is a commentary on the Social Security system in the United States. I drew a cartoon called "Gays in Heaven" about some extremely conservative Christians such as Jerry Falwell who go to heaven and are outraged that there are gay people there. The angel then replies "Now Mr. Falwell. Heaven is quite a diverse place. May I suggest you sign up for our introductory diversity class."

Wrong planet is a bit like a surrogate family. Some people here could be my sons or daughters, lol!

Thanks again.

Easy for me to say, but try to love yourself... don't have low self esteem when/if there are things out there to achieve... and I find that hard when I'm feeling incredibly down but I'm trying to keep it strong.

This probably isn't a lot of help... if I can help, I will help.

Antidepressants might help.
When I hit the mid-life crisis, which is extremely normal, I took some correspondance classes and went to college again to take fun classes (before, I was too intent on getting my degree)

It sounds like you have a few things you would like to do (disability rights movement, political cartoons) and you should pursue them! Getting involved in activities you enjoy should help you to feel better. I'm trying to do the same thing.

Autisticstar, you are NOT useless!


You and Brittany2907 should go over to Cape Cod where username88 is going to getan apartment in 5 or 6 weeks. You can live with your OWN kind!

Sounds familiar.

Don't worry. Life is all about pain, despair, and humiliation. The world is an ugly, unfair, and stupid place. It's made all the more difficult for people like us because we're wired differently from the rest of society. Your goal shouldn't be to try and make life a happy and fulfilling experience in any conventional sense. Just focus on making the ordeal bearable. Our time here was never meant to be a joy. It's a sentence.

If you're wondering what you've done to deserve all this, I've narrowed things done to a few possibilities:

1) This is all a nightmare and I only become my real self in dreams (unlikely, but poetic).

2) Life is a test which, if passed, ultimately gains me entry into a better place (sounds nice at least).

3) I am simply the plaything of a greater power with a sick sense of humor (getting warmer).

4) In the great scheme of things you, me, and everyone else in the world is worth precisely s**t. We're parasites just like every other miserable creature that has gobbed itself on to the planet. After death we are nothing. Our bodies become dirt and in one hundred years no one will even remember that we were here (hope not).

Regardless of the reason for our existence, getting by in this chamber of horrors requires inner strength. Forget about others bringing you out of your funk. People make poor anchors in a storm. They change, go away, and lie. Learn to rely on yourself. Don't compare what you have to what others have. Most are either feigning happiness or deceiving themselves.

As far as offing yourself goes, who among us hasn't considered the nuclear option at some point in our lives? My feeling is it's a cop out. In my daydreams I imagine that when my time comes I'll have a chance to give the powers that be the bird, exhale confidently, and move on to wherever without regret. I wouldn't want to give anyone the satisfaction of making me quit.