how to get a girl who's way out of your league

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http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to- ... r-league./

I have a girlfriend but this might be useful to those of you who are currently single...

There is a lot of good information there along with some very useful tips, I just feel the driving need to point out that if you can get a girl she is not out of your league.

This is just semantics, but I feel that saying someone is "out of your league" is placing a greater value on them for one reason or another and therefore self defeating.

I am not implying this is what you meant, just......being me I suppose.

I'm sure you hear this all the time but this site has made a huge impact on my life. Thank you.

I agree but I'm not the one who wrote that article...

Wow! Wow!

This dude gets it!

I went into that article preparing to be very offended, based on the title, but that is seriously one of the best relationship articles I have ever seen. The title is misleading and so are the dumb pictures interspersed. This isn't an article about getting people who are "out of your league". This is an article about how to be a decent human being, how to be with someone who is worthy of you, and how to treat that person well. I'm very impressed with the advice. Thanks for posting it. I hope lots of guys will read it.

A lot of guys will read it, but will they read it? I am alot like the guy they mention in that article, I care more about the woman in question than the appearance (for the most part, I like the women that have technical and/or musical knowledge, as it gives me common ground with them in terms of interests, as well as possible conversational topics right off the bat.) I'm not afraid to speak my mind, as it were, and provide my feelings on any given situation. I am more "myself" than I ever was in high school, and yet I still can't get a woman (it was easier in high school, where women actually hit on me alot, whereas I just get ignored now...)

Not very true

If a girl is out of my league, I don't even bother approaching her. Attractive girls always seek out the best alpha-male they can find (as part of millions of years of evolution). Since I'm far from anything resembling an alpha-male, I know what I deserve and what I don't deserve. This is not whining; I feel more-or-less content with the looks I have. Sure, I wish I could have better looks, but I also know I can't fight nature. So I go for the girls I know I have a chance with, and I feel happy that the girl is the getting what she's looking for (namely, a loyal boyfriend), and she's less likely to have high standards that I won't fit. Don't get me wrong: this may look like taking the easy way out, but it's simply knowing what I'm capable of. As for the girls that are out of my league, I hire a very attractive escort, and enjoy the fantasy. Because for me, dating a hot girl (for free, that is) will always remain a fantasy.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 19 Nov 2007, 3:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Good advice, and I believe I'm basically am like how this guy is describing.

Actually, it's basically advice for once in a relationship... which I don't really think I'd have a problem with.

The biggest problem, and I believe this holds true for many Aspies... is getting over that initial communication hump and knowing when to go forward and ask for dates... and when to hold back.

I like talking and communicating and understanding... the good relationship things. And while I am pretty soft and easy going... I'm not a pushover. If I don't like something... I'm not going to sugar coat it. The comfortable natural middle ground this guy is talking about...

Come to think of it, the hardest part for me... and this is true for regular friends and girl friends... is just getting over the hump of asking someone to do something outside of the place that I normally see them. I believe I've seen some initial attraction, I have gotten girls laughing and such... just being casual and honest.

But asking for a phone number or to go do something later...I just can't push myself past this barrier.

[quote="alei"]
This is just semantics, but I feel that saying someone is "out of your league" is placing a greater value on them for one reason or another and therefore self defeating.
quote]

Well said. You're in whatever league u feel that you're a part of. Nobody is strictly better than someone else, as everyone has thier advantages & disadvantages. As long as you're not intimidated by what someone may have over u, then you're just as good as they are.

I like this quote the best...

"no matter how attractive a girl is, that she has (mostly) the same stuff inside of her as you"

But I completely agreed with everything, it seemed to describe very well the way I'd want a man who was interested in me to act.

I can't say any of this is bad advice, particularly the concept of not coming across as a pushover, but it's a bit too idealized. It assumes that the girl actually wants someone who values her. It seems obvious to me that most girls don't seek out men who hold a generally positive view of them, but rather whatever view they (the girls) have of themselves. This is why being a jerk is often productive - many women have negative self-images. A guy who doesn't reinforce that is seen as being kind of stupid/clueless for not knowing or seeing what is obvious to her. It ties in with the advice about not being too accomodating or dedicated. Doing so is seen as deference and "weakness," aka clingy. In her mind, if the guy really knew her, he should be wary of even dating her, let alone being overly positive about her.

Now, I'm not saying that guys should be jerks, just that more women than will admit it (or even realize it) behave this way. I'm usually the nice guy who loses their respect because I'm too open and accomodating. It's a silly game.

That diatribe aside, the advice makes obvious sense. Be yourself, value yourself, and value the person you're interested in. If they're right for you, it'll work out.

I bow to the master.

Well said. Most women hate honestly. If you want to end the date, just be honest and be yourself. Of course they'll never admit to this...

Wow, this post just triggered a real moment for me. I've been really bummed the last few days and this just made me realize some stuff. Thank you.

Or, you might say, it assumes that the reader wants a girl who wants someone who values her.



I've been running this over in a section of my mind for a couple hours now. Parts of it struck me as true, and part of it didn't, but I couldn't figure out exactly why this was, at first.

I think what gives me pause is the fact that, in my personal experience, the guys who have been the "clingy" types are actually not nice--they are just mean in sneakier and more inconsistent ways. Obviously my experience doesn't necessarily indicate that this is how all clingy guys are, but I have the feeling that it wasn't an unusual experience either.

Guys who make too many sacrifices for women in order to be accomodating seem to build up a grudge or a feeling of being "owed" something for their efforts--probably because that's how they're thinking of it. He does her a "favor" by pretending to agree with her on something and he expects her to repay the favor by staying with him. Being accomodating isn't nice if it doesn't come from the heart and it has a bunch of strings attached.

You seem genuinely nice jfberge, so please know that I'm not directing this next part at you, but I'd like once again to note that I've known many guys who complain about being rejected for being "too nice" but are in reality sadly mistaken about how they come across to women. They're actually rejected because women think they're jerks.

It's never free