Married to an NT man, HELP I need some advise

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I was wondering if anyone could help me....i am married to an NT man. He is taking on-line classes with Utah Univeristy. About a month ago i found a yellow piece of paper with a girls name on it and two phone numbers. I did not want to freak out so i decided to trust him and forget it. Three weeks later i found a text message from this girl with her name and phone number. My husband called her back. My husband has not mentioned anything about this girl to me.....i am thinking that she is a classmate that was in one of his online classes (how else could they have swaped numbers?). I also think he emails her through UTAH's online system. I want to approach him and ask him about it but i don't know if i should.

I wonder why he has not mentioned this girl to me. If it is just a classmate would a guy mention it to his wife or not?

Can any of you help me.... It is hard to be married to an NT, as we are more honest about things . I don't know what to do about this. My husband tells me loves me and everything and he shows it. I don't know or undertand how to approach this. Is this ok if its an online classmate? Should i just trust my husband and forget it?

I REALLY need help with this...i feel like it is so eays for people to walk all over me and take advantage of me becasue i don't understand how to deal with situations like this, and i don't know how i should feel exactly.

Do any of you have any thoughts that would help me? thanks.

i think you may just have to come straight out and ask him, hon. i've been in a similar situation, and put myself through mental and emotional torture whilst i was working myself up about it. even when i got an answer i didn't like, it was better (in some ways) than not knowing.

it is a risk, cos you might hear something you don't want to, but then you might not.

a horrible situation to be in. good luck, dej, and there are plenty of people here who will support you - let us know what happens.

I email with my classmates, but don't have any need to keep this a secret from my husband. In fact I often tell him about interesting discussions, or funny things my classmates said.

So I agree, ask your husband about this. If they are just comparing class notes and he assumed you wouldn't be interested, he shouldn't mind telling you what's going on.

If you're wondering who it is, I suggest you just let it out.

Ok guys i asked my husband(who is a Marine) who she is, he made a face when i asked like (this figures, or she's just jealous). He told me that she works for the military Loan Dept. I left it at that, but now that i think about it, i don't feel that the questions i wanted to kow were answered..... He just told me what her job is.

Do any of you ever assume that the other person knows what questions you want to know, so you don't bother asking. Then you end up walking away with nonthing?

This seems to happen a lot in my relationship.

I had a serious problem of not asking thorough questions in my marriage. Unfortunately that is because I always run under the assumption that a person has a right to privacy and if it is important for me to know then I will be told. I trust people too much. I don't ask questions of my parents, of my family, of really anybody.

Not to sound like technogeek, but I gotta blog this. I'm going off on a tangent. The point is: yes, I do have a problem of not asking all the questions that I have.

i could be completely wrong here, but if she works for the loans department, perhaps he's getting a loan, and doesn't want to know about financial difficulties. the fact he just told you her job might mean that he was expecting you to put two and two together, and work out the bit about finances. this is an interpretation i'd put on it, dej, but i might be completely off beam, here.

sounds as though you might need to ask for clarification, and sometimes, that feels like nagging (to me).

I know guys and your right, i need to learn how to ask the questions i need to know about the first time without asuming that people can read my mind. People can take that as being nagging when you come back about the same things....

thanks again

dont worry about it sounding like you're nagging... you have a right to know what's going on and he should be able to understand that it is unsettling to find other women's numbers laying around that you aren't familiar with.

I continue to be in these types of situations with my fiance/husband (may as well be after six years). His days are 98% behind a computer for work or at home. He peruses many sites that involve other women including fetish sites and he's a big time Live Journaler globally. As much as it may seem practical, sane, logical and good practice to ask about a woman or women that come up for question I am treated as the one in the wrong. I am told I am jealous, insecure, emotionally out of check, suspicious, not respecting boundaries and so on. From here, I would still suggest asking him but think about it first to prepare yourself for unabashing, unwavering, unresolved criticism. You mean well in your right mind though it may not be recognized. Beyond that I don't know. I just don't know. I've dealt with him watching a former girlfriend's webcam while she tried on Victoria's Secret gifts from him for him. I was supposed to understand. We currently have a mutual friend who sends fetish pictures and fetish stories to him while trolling his fetish stories and fetish Live Journal. I meet a guy who's into thrill sports to adventure for thrill, nothing else and he gives me a psychiatric analysis on the poor guy. Suffice to say I still haven't sky dived yet - dammit. I figure its okay for him to have female friends and its okay for me to have male friends. According to him, my interpretation of that equation is out of whack. I know I have a full deck of cards - a tad cinged around the edges, but complete. I'm still burning both ends of the candle to finagle a comprimise, a coexisting truce to have friends of other genders. All the while I'm being encouraged by him to pick up other "little girls" to bring home for "us". This is not easy. I have my rules and boundaries. He has his which have more "flexibility" than mine and I'm expected to comply or I'm not being a contributing partner. Cripes! I don't know what to suggest except go ahead and ask. I joined this forum to have this question, along with other questions answered. Mind you I don't want to burn him at the stake but there are times where I get so angry and frustrated I isolate.
Surely there's a way to work with/around this situation.

OMG, this is so typical male, both NT and AS. They don’t tell you things to avoid an argument (because they had an argument about it with an ex) and get in more hot water when they are caught, which they always get caught. It’s the lie or withholding of information that is soooo wrong, not them talking to a loan officer/classmate, etc. He may be hiding loan problems from you.

What you need to do is confront and not get pissy. Ask, ask, ask. Is there a problem with loans? Can you help? Is it class work and can you help. My bf is AS and used avoidance as a coping skill. His ex will call and he hides it from me, meanwhile I tell him when I see or talk to an ex, and pick up the phone in front of him so he knows there is nothing to hide.

NT males are far worse. They will hide everything. He just has to get used to disclosing without being challenged. He thinks you are jealous because an NT girl would go nuts over this. You merely want information. Ask, ask, ask.

I'm only 21 so I am not the most experinced person here, but I have been in these kind of situations before and I will say my piece.

Say it, end of the day, he will either explain and if you dont come accross as a stupid porinoid person, he will understand and maybe be more open, maybe even find it sweet that even when your married you still worry about things like that, I know id feel something if my gf said something like that to me, i'd know she really cared still hehe.

OR (and sorry for this) he will either react in a weird way, defensive or maybe just be open to the fact he either wants to, or is, nobbing her. If he wants to, id say he probably wouldnt be honest but maye act in a way which could make you question more, and then you can maybe keep your eyes open

I know the second option isn't what you want to here. But pretending nothing is wrong wont get you anywhere, knowing is better then not, even if it's not what you want to hear

Are you into the fetish stuff or are you just going along with it?

I have a painter friend who I'm constantly trying to get to check out comic books. ( The old 50s and independent stuff no Superheroes) She finally told me she just didnt care. ( She told me in the middle of a comic shop, bad timing.)
One thing I hear from Women a lot here is they're tired of being taken advantage of. I've had female friends for years and I see it. AS men dont know how to ask girls out and AS women cant seem to tell when theyre being lied to.

I would say getting numbers from girls, emails , letters and conversation is no big thing. I'm not dating anyone but if I were she shouldn't be worried about all the business cards and emails I get from women, because theyre all either old friends or related to the arts I'm envolved in.

If I said I just met a great woman at the grocery store and shes NOT an old friend or a potential hobby/business associate then thats something to be suspecious of. If you take away the hobby and the old friend what do you have left? Attraction.

The strange thing is this is a fetish thing so it's part of his hobby. If you're into it too OK.

I would say thats not completly true, my gf meets blokes all the time and gets numbers and stuff because she thinks ahh there a nice friend to have. This for me is really hard to get used to since I am like who, why, what he want blah blah but I will get used to it, I am starting to and it's only been 2 months.

I can't say that is the truth for every women though