Anyone have that need to be needed?

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What I'm trying to say is this: When I look for any type of relationship (romance, friendship, or even just professional relationships), the one thing I need to feel the most is feeling like I'm useful in some way. I need to know that the other person (in whatever context the relationship is) needs me, possibly because if they need me, they're less likely to just get rid of me.

Of course, being this way opens me up to all kinds of abuse (i.e. I end up being the "tool" most of the time)

Anyone else feel this way?

I usually fall into the trap of being needed too much and this tends to send me into a downward spiral. Being needed places too many expectations on me that I may not be able to follow through with. Its something that happened a lot when I was younger, I would make myself indespensible and end up with little time or energy for my own undertakings.

These days I much prefer to be wanted than needed, there is a lot less pressure that way.

no not really. im pretty indifferent twords others

No. I am very independent. I enjoy being in a relationship because I have someone to talk to about my obsessions, but I wish I had more time alone.

I Konfess, I certainly Do feel the need to be needed. If someone were obsessed with me I would be totally flattered and feel validated. But I suspect that belies a deeper problem which wont automatically be solved by having someone who "needs" me like that.

...that need to be needed? That's called co-dependency.

Ok, so it is co-dependency. WTF do I do about it, eH?

"Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself" by Melody Beattie

No, I don't need to be needed. In fact, it can be a real turn-off. If someone were obsessed with me I'd run a mile and I hate running.

I respond much better to the 'slowly, slowly catchee monkey' technique, like a big-game fisherman chasing marlin. (Not sure that's an entirely appropriate dating analogy )

ditto, with the difference that i like running. so, it's even worse.

If someone where obsessed with Moi I would rellish it. But maybe that has more to do with narcissism than co-dependency.

That's probably it. Of course, given that most interactions with me (when I was a child) were ones of either ignoring me or bullying me, when people actually needed me for something, they were nice to me. That might be where I picked that up.

Quite the contrary - I'm specifically looking for someone who doesn't need me, but simply wants or prefers me.

I'm much too wrapped up in my own life and interests to be responsible for anyone else's. I need someone who can take care of themselves while I'm doing a three hour mix CD crunch or playing Medieval: Total War for the greater part of a day.

the need to be needed is natural and healthy i feel.
However, if ones giving is conditionalised it is codependancy.

After spending 14 years in CoDA , SLAA, and Alanon I feel very strongly that the aching to be saved or to do the saving leads to the same lonely place.

These days I prefer to go birdwatching, and care very little if people think I am a sexual or social anorexic.

My ex-wife was in SLAA before, and when, I met her. She had to explain to me what it was, and showed me her pog. We've been suspected, by those that know us both, of having formed a co-dependent relationship. Hmmm, maybe.

emmmmmm small world.

Good to make contact with you again.

Go well out there Ragtime