Lovely Vanilla Fakeness

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I'm of the opinion that vanillas (NTs) social interaction revolves around appearance and fakeness rather than form and substance.

I remember growing up, knowing what the UN was, who the Soviet Union was, and what MAD (Mutually Assured Destruction) was all about. I also remember being very confused with other kids my age (middle school/high school) didn't even know what the first two items were.

However, they knew the ins and outs of their favorite band, what was on sale at the mall, and other important topics. I had a hard time understanding why they didn't have any interest in current events, but I came to accept that I was different.

Why, now, can vanillas not accept that I'm different? Why is this an issue? It seems that I have no problem being different, but they do. Do I make them feel stupid? I don't mean to. Am I too direct and no-nonsense? How else should I be, if I am to be me and not a phony? I don't mind that you care more about Britney Spears than the economy, crashing sub-prime loans and rising oil prices, but why do you care that I don't care about Britney Spears?

For a long time I thought if I could help people see things the way I do, that it would change them to see things through my eyes, so rich and colorful. I've started to realize that this isn't possible. It seems vanillas are color blind, and don't care to see color anyway (at least a large part of them. There are a few that do wish to see colorfully, but are few). I wouldn't force them to see color, but they're not tempted by the thought that things are more than what they see. Maybe they can't fathom such a thing, or such a thing is more terrifying than beautiful to them.

It seems that vanillas are happy to carry on their lives in a lovely fakeness, of making things look and sound good, of doing and seeing and understanding the same things day to day. I don't care if they do this, but why do they take issue with me because I prefer things different? Because I prefer color, life, variety to vanilla, bland, and routine?

I suppose this is the way of things, that those in the majority dictate how those in the minority will be treated. I don't feel victimized, rather I see them as the tragic victims that lash out blindly at those who could teach them to see.

Hmmm...too pretentious?

Off topic here, but I'm curious as to why you chose "vanilla" to refer to NT's.

Vanilla is plain and uninteresting.

I beg to defer.

I'm the NT/AS line walker here and I do not think that NT's are vanilla. They're rainbowesque. they're unique. they have their qualities, they are unique.

I relate to what you're saying, but when I was reading your post, to be honest I didn't like the way you presented it. It did sound pretentious, yet when I re-read it, I realized that you make a point to say that you don't mind others being different than you, and that you see their interests as important too. I really respect that.

However, what I'm saying is, the problem is most likely exactly what you stated, which I quoted above. That's a problem a lot of Aspies have.

But there ARE NTs in the world who care about things besides pop culture, both Aspies and NTs alike. In terms of people not accepting you - yeah, that happens to me often. However, I've found that if I show a genuine interest in other people and their interests, they usually respect my interests as well. And since I'm not good at smalltalk and all that social "fakeness," I've learned to just ask questions. Usually, they return the favor.

I guess the trick is learning how to present yourself the "NT way." That's the main problem Aspies have, right? I'm not saying we should be forced to present ourselves the NT way, but sometimes I think that if we want to have social lives, we need to learn how to present ourselves the NT way. It's not the same as changing who you are, or not being yourself.

I look at it like two different languages. (I know, obvious choice, haha.) NTs and Aspies are not so different, but it makes sense for Aspies to learn the NT language to present themselves and connect, because it's an NT-dominated world (rather than vice versa). Learning to socialize the NT way doesn't have to be presenting a false identity, it's just how you communicate that identity to others so that they understand.

Okay, I'm probably going off-topic, LOL. Anyway, I do relate to what you're saying and I agree with a lot of it...

I like vanilla, so the comparison doesn't work for me.

Something more like sugar frosted, fluffy or 'lite'?

I like vanilla too, esp. in ice cream. It's just a term I use to describe alot of plain stuff. If you're more comfortable with NT, then that's cool. You don't have to use my terms.

Gotcha, thanks. I'm used to it meaning the same for an entirely different reason than someone being NT.

I once brought this up with a psychologist I used to go to.
He said that it is, after all, rough to show people that they've all been, as he put it, cut by the same sausage-making machine and that I did so accidentally with my choices, opinons, body language. . . Being mediocre is the bane of most people, by definition.

I suppose now, that they also have their share of insecurity and this is why they have all these little rules to buttress up their paradigm. That explains all the: "if you do this you are a pansy", "if you dress like that you are an idiot for trying to be cool", "japanese are a all. . . (something)", "if you go to this place for holidays then you are shallow rich bastard if you go to that other place you are a loser hahaha loooooser", etc. . .

I have relatives that were brought up with all these little ret*d prejudices being spammed at them everyday and basically I can't relate to them anymore as they grew up and lost interest in everything new. I myself couldn't stand sitting at the table with them because you saw this appaling scene of a resentful jock almost bullying his scared wife and little girls into listening to his random hate talk and agreeing with him on everything; also he just had to control every conversation.
Then I browse a random forum or hear coworkers say things like that and I know where all this is coming from.

There is another interesting thread going on somewhere on this board about how nerds seem to bully people within their group and look down at others outside of their group. They use their intelligence to "lash out blindly" at other people. But, they are a minority last time I checked! Many of those nerds probably have AS, but that does not stop them from treating others badly.

I used to think everyone should think like me. And often, I still believe that. But then I remind myself that if people are happy being vanilla, what is wrong with that? If they are truly happy, then they could teach quite a bit to the majority of the people on this site!! ! Happiness is all that matters. Why do they need to see things through your eyes? Ignorance is bliss, it doesn't necessarily imply that they are being fake.

I do understand your perspective. Of course, no one has the right to look down at someone else for being different. But aren't you also looking down at them for being different from you?

I know what you're referring to.

I can see where you would get this as I didn't articulate myself well here.

If they're happy being vanilla, great. But don't beat up on me for not being vanilla. I also think the reason they beat up on me is because they can't see things the way I do--I think they'd stop beating up on me if they could understand, if they could see things the way I do. They don't have to, I don't care if they do or not, I just wanna stop getting beat up on.

Is that clearer? I think I still might sound holier than thou, but that's my 2nd try at least.

Wow, this makes alot of sense. This is the best explanation I've seen, thank you.

boring/fake... yep.

eh, no. not any more than a dixie cup is.