Do I tell her?

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As anyone who has encountered my posts already, you will know that I am in love with a girl who happens to be my boss and business partner. We are going out to a show next week, and when I showed her the tickets (can not ask, 'tis a failng of mine), and said yes, she said this would be as friends, because dating and working together would not work out. I agree that it would be a complicated situation, but there is one underlying factor that I can not get over. I am unable to entertain the idea that nothing is ever going to happen, because I feel that we would be good together. We have a lot in common, and get on really well. She is helping me to overcome my insecurities about public speaking, as it is something I will have to do for this business to work.

Do I tell her that I am attracted to her, or like her a lot more than she thinks? Do I say that I do not like the idea that nothing will ever happen?

I know this sounds hopeless, but I have never felt this way for this long (she was with someone until recently, and I am not brave enough to take the chance in that scenario) about a girl before. Her being the only person I have empathy for does not help matters. I know telling her could create a really bad situation, or it could not. Being so bloody terrible when it comes to these things, and as I would normally talk to her about these sorts of issues, I could do with some other opinions. She is the only one I talk to about my AS, and has been a really good friend, but the thought of us just being friends (not that just being friends is a bad thing) is hard to take in.

Speedy

take it easy man, what's the rush?

I know this is hard and seems unfair, but she's already brought up the fact that she doesn't want to mix work and dating. At this point, I think pushing the issue might cause harm to your friendship and business relationship. The only other choice you seem to have besides letting it go is to end your business relationship with her and then ask her out.

My sympathies, this must be a very difficult situation to have to deal with.

There is no rush, as such, only these thoughts go round my head ALL THE TIME, and some sort idea as to where to go with them would make them stop, and I can think about something else for a change. Constantly thinking about things is not always fun and games, and repetitive thought is not very helpful. Coming to a conclusion is helpful. If you went inside my head, you would have to leave because of the streams of thought constantly going past, I can not leave, it is my head. I know that something can not happen right away, that much is obvious, but never is not a thought I like. Will stop ow, otherwise I will go on a lot longer.

Thanks Spot, I think you may be right, telling her so soon after the initial friends talk could be a bad thing. Yeah, it is a b***h when it will not leave.

On a semi-related note, i went to a Christmas dinner (you have to sometimes), and a cracker had one of those fortune telling fish things that you put on your hand. Mine said in love. My dear mother said "you can't if she only wants a working relationship", I replied, "that does not make it go away".

There's a friend who listens to you and knows about your AS. So,
Enjoy the friendship!

I could never date anyone from work.

Tim

Before you even asked she said that nothing could happen. I think you just need to move on, and that's not even taking into account the complications that are there anyway aside from that.

I have slept on this matter, and have decided to keep things as they are, as there is too much to risk. Moving on is going to be hard, but I am Speedy, and I shall prevail.

If she took the time to say it was just as friends, she probably can tell you like her and doesn't feel comfortable with the idea of a relationship. Perhaps it's still possible, but only if she decides on her own without you telling her you like her. Based on the experiences I've had, if she did decide to like you, it would be after you have already moved on and no longer have any feelings for her.

Gonna agree with you there Al.

One thing I've said is no matter if the girl is cute at work, I will not ask her out or attempt to date her. Bad idea.

I think, though, that you should tell her. She deserves to know. It isn't right to keep this bottled up inside, really, really, really bad idea. Besides, you never know, as much as a hopeless loss you might think it to be, it might turn out a whole lot different then you imagined. Sometimes the girl is waiting for her prince to make the first move, never a good idea to wait for the girl to make the first move......makes all your guy friends think you don't have the cojones to ask a girl out.

Alex, Gamester, I agre with you both. I agree with everybody! No, wait a minute, that is not right. I have made a conscious decision to put the work first, but as it was her idea to get me to write my issues down, I think I may mention that this particular issue was something Ihad to write down. I will reinforce the putting work first bit, though, she is very understanding, and will probably hit me if it goes wrong. Then I will laugh at the punching part.

The real bugger is the whole body language thing. I do not know what signals I am sending out, and have no idea what is coming back. I guess it is kind of like being a bad radio amateur.

I will see how things go.

Thank you for your views.

You are too speedy , speedy.

Besides, dating a coworker isn't usually a good idea but I know a couple at work and they're just doing fine.

I guess I should have said that I have known her for two years, and been nuts about her for over a year. Not so much speedy, just waiting to get the thought out of my head.

Just because it goes on in your head does not mean it has to come out your mouth. You think it will make you feel better to get it off your chest, but it will create worse things in the long run.

She is using work as an excuse to not date you. If she wanted to date you she would do so regardless of your business relationship.

Keep it professional and fun. If she ever wants to change things, believe me, she will.

If you tell her she will forever be uncomfortable around you. This means no more joking, no more shows, no more relaxed and opened conversations. You cannot take back what you say, ever.

I am glad you took the time to sleep on it.

Hey fivescents. You raise a very good point there. Only trouble is, being a behaviourist, she keeps on asking me what it is that is bothering me so. I keep telling her that I am not ready to tell her. She is so darn persistant, and I told her that if I told her what it was, I could not untell her. She said so.

As Gamester said in another post with a similar theme, it is a case of making the right decision, which is not necessarily the decision I want to make, but will be better in the long run.
Thanks