Does anyone else find this confusing too?

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I find it every confusing when people are all of a sudden nice to me when they are usually mean to me.


I can remember the time when I was in the third grade, these second graders were always mean to me. They made fun of me, said I was mean, vain, etc. because I always had accidents on the monkey bars we all played on at recess. I was always kicking them by accident because they were always in my way and when I do a trick on the bar someone would get in my way as I was doing it and she get mad at me and so would all the other second graders on the bars. But one day when I was on one of the bars, one of the second graders was playing on top of the monkey bars and she is getting down and as she brings her left leg down, it hits me on the side of my face and she says "Oh I'm sorry Beth, are you all right?" and I nod. She was very nice when she said it.
In my neighborhood there was this mean boy who was two and a half years younger than me and he was a bully. He made fun of me, called me names but occasionally he be very nice to me because he be playing with me and not putting me down or calling me names.

On the internet there have been people who are mean to me because they do insults and put me down and call me names but then all of a sudden they act nice to me because they are saying nice things to me or they sound very sensitive towards me. What is up with that?


And there have been people who are usually nice towards me and then one day they start attacking me. One of my online friends did that to me on a forum and we haven't been friends since. I never knew what happened between us. He has defended me on a forum we both went to when a few people would attack me because of my naivety and other people were standing up to me telling those as*holes what better off the world be if everyone was naive and innocent as me, and the other said the world be better off if no one understood sarcasm and everyone said what they mean and were very honest. Even my online friend defended me too telling that as*hole what better off the world me if everyone were like me and then few months later he started attacking me.

I've had friends who were mean to me too and then all of a sudden they be nice to me and then mean again. It was both off and on. I had a friend in 4th grade I befriended and then in 1996, she started to get real mean to me because she started to bully me and in the 5th grade, it was worse. I never figured out what happened between us that set her off. I never even figured out what caused the second graders to be mean to me too.One day they all liked me and the one day they started to get mean to me and I thought it as just a phase and it would all blow over but it never did because they got meaner and meaner and they started to make fun of the way I talked and make stuff up about how I say words.

It's called passive agressive behavior, and it's bs, it's head games---when I get this from someone, that's IT right there, I cut them out of my life---I don't put up with that crap from anybody, and usually this person doing this crap to you isn't worth your time...when I was younger, I didn't know it was what is known as a "head game" you know, it's supposed to eff with your head? I'd give people more chances to do this to me....duh....I learned. Took me a really long time to get this....like I didn't get it until I was around 30
There are actually people out there who don't do this btw Good to know, huh?

What does IT stand for?

The last straw, I believe. I think IT was the pronoun "it."


Don't managers normally play these games with their employees? Mine did. I really don't like fast food jobs or retail all that much - so much work and so little pay. Get lots of hours one week and the next week: none. Then more after that. Worse than a sine wave it was, just being strung along. I hate it when they tell you to do things and then blame you for them; tell you that you're "allowed" to disobey policy as long as you obey them - and then use that as an excuse to punish you. Why?

It is their bad behavior toward you---nice, mean, nice, mean, and it is also called giving someone a "mixed" message...It is called {passive agressive behavior,} look up that term and you will understand completely what certain people try to do to other people...and yes IT is also the last straw...like Imaparakeet said....when someone pulls this crap on me, THAT'S IT, THE LAST STRAW, EXIT FROM MY LIFE PLEASE OR ELSE, is my attitude with people who act that way...

My brother's girlfriend is nice to me when she wants something and hostile to me when she doesn't. She resents that my brother takes time every week for a few hours to come over and help me and my father out; she wants that time for herself. So she's hostile to me because she's mad that she isn't getting her own way in the relationship. I really can't respect her anymore after months of this cr*p, but I'm still civil to her because I don't want my brother to be stuck in the middle.

Maybe some of this nonsense you're dealing with is the same?

Dis happen 2 me alot ppl being nice 2 me but den dey b***h behind me which i fink is 2 faced n on top of dat i had 2 work 6 dayz instead of 5 dayz 4 me dats takin da piss cos all these NTs r workin 5 where as im doin 6 dayz.

are you a chav

If you observe closely, you'll see that bullies will be nice to you when they're in a vulnerable situation, and cruel when you are the one in a vulnerable situation.

My colleague who I share a tiny office with used to bully me terribly, from my first day. Now, today, after some setbacks at the company, she resigned. She doesn't have another job, she doesn't know what she's going to do, she misses the secure family sense that belonging to a large corporation gives you. So today she was all nice to me, helped me, confided in me, etc.

As my driving instructor once told me: when something in the traffic makes you less than 100% confident, slow down. This is what bullies do with their cruelty. They slow it down or stop it altogether when they're in a vulnerable situation. They have an amazing intuition for when they're in a vulnerable situation and when they're not.

These are the situations I use to get back at them.

what's a chav?

I don't know what that had to do with my post but I didn't wear jeans when I was little. I hated them. I also hated button up tops and tank tops. I only wore knit clothes. My aunt told me a funny story about how I hid the jeans under my bed when she brought her daughter's clothes to my house she outgrew to give to me and I didn't like the jeans so I hid them under my bed and kept the knit pants.

I receive this kind of behaviour towards me too, way too often. I've had a slight grasp of what it's about, but never really understoof. Now I think I get it.

The biggest problem, I guess, is that if they're being nice to me, I simply can't make myself not to be nice at them. This is partially because I've learned to not do anything in such a situation as in it wasn't justified. Has gotten me into trouble too many times. I also naively think they might really mean it.

When they're nice to me, I'm nice back. But I give them fire in a passive-aggressive way. That's the acceptable, polite NT way.

I've experienced so much of this, and it confused and frightened me as a kid, and it still does as an adult. I've especially encountered it in the workplace. One woman was incredibly friendly to me, very complimentary, shared her personal life with me, sought my opinion, seemed to advocate for me at work...then she started having little issues with how I communicated, and there were misunderstandings. When I asked for clarification via email, then saw her at work the next morning, she flipped out on me in front of everyone, said I had "a lot of negativity," and claimed it was really affecting the rest of "the team." She said a bunch of other stuff, too. When I asked her why not her or a single person (I thought I got along fine with everyone there, truly) had said any of this to me, she claimed "they" were all "too intimidated" by me. ?! Actually, nobody else had a problem with me - just her - she was just trying to make me paranoid and insecure (and it nearly worked). Although she took credit for my hiring, she now said she NEVER had wanted to work with me, and was still pissed at me for something that happened three years ago. (?!) Oh yeah - and we were NEVER friends.

I'd truly thought we were friends! I thought if she shared her personal stuff with me, I could share mine with her. NOT!

I realized the last six months of my employment there had been a lie. I had to quit, because she was sort of in a supervisory role, and even though she's had a history of "incidents" with other employees, I knew nothing would be done because they'd never find a replacement for her who'd work her hours for such measly pay. And sure enough, nothing was done. I thought there might be some justice, because the director asked to speak to me in private, and was very supportive and said something would have to be done. But later I realized SHE was just playing me, too - she just was checking to make sure I wasn't going to try to sue them, or something. She turned out just as two-faced as the crazy coworker. It's good that I left.

But it's so frustrating! People confuse me SO much.

To be fair, this person had exhibited a history of slightly nutty behavior, but like an idiot, I thought if I was friends with her, she wouldn't turn her crazy on ME. Boy was I wrong! I won't make that mistake again (I hope).