How do I convince my mother that I have Asperger's Syndrome?

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For the past two months I've been repeatedly telling my mother that I am different and that she needs to start accepting me the way I am and stop making so many assumptions about my internal emotional state, but no matter how hard I try to convince her that I have a "condition" that makes me different from most people and that sums up very nicely all my quirks and mannerisms, she insists that I am a perfectly normal individual; in her mind, I'm a normal guy with a bad attitude.

By neurotypical standards I'm such a weird person (no friends, no romance, repetitive hobbies that don't require me to get out of the house, no eye-contact, poor communication skills) that the fact that my mother is unwilling to acknowledge that I have a condition only makes me wonder whether she is delusional, trying to keep me motivated, or terribly stupid.

What's the most pedagogical way to get a person like my mother to understand my condition? She's old, and not exactly the intellectual type. I'd buy her a copy of Tony Attwood's book, but I think that book is beyond her.

Number one: you can't force someone to change their mind.

Is she not accepting you? How old are you? If you are still in school, maybe there's a counselor there you can talk to about this.

Parents have a whole list of goals they hope their kids make, and if they don't make them, they worry. I think people worry too much about that kind of thing as everyone, NT and AS progress at our own individual rates.

If you're a grown up, accept she doesn't quite get it, and take care of your self.

You may never. One of my missed DX's was Bipolar and there is a very good chance I have that as well. I never could get it across to either of my parents very well. Of course now that I see AS being the more predominant and I have found the words here at WP to express what is happening to others better, I might have stood a bit more of a chance. Especially since I think my Dad was Aspie. But, even he didn't and couldn't fully understand me. As an example, he did very well in school, thrived in it, I did not and it was frustrating to him, so much so one could say I was abused for doing poorly in school. The odd thing is, I actually learned an awful lot from him, through his obsessions and more importantly I learned to think and to be able to think out of the box at a very early age.

I would ask myself how important is it to do this. That as you go a bit further here, you too may find words to express what is happening better at a given moment. But, I don't think anybody can fully understand it, without having lived it. As valiantly as my wife tries, she is still surprised when I can explain things to her better. It also took effort for me to understand her as well. I would suspect perhaps the same might be true for you and your Mom. To sit down and try to explain it in a sitting or two isn't the way I would go. I would give it time, a bit at a time and when I thought I could explain what might be happening, the subject at hand, in terms that someone might catch a glimpse of it. For the most part I don't find it even needed to bring up.

She's looking through what they call in the dog world as "kennel eyes". It's what Mom's do.

WHen you find out, let me know. The only person that will accept my dx is my brother. Nobody wants to believe their loved one has autism. It sounds depressing, and I have to say that most people don't want to know someone has Autism.

Best,

Idaho Aspie
www.AllThingsAspergers.com

Good luck! Your mother sounds like mine. Some claim that AS is an extreme male brain. Personally, to me, it looks like a hybrid, with attributes of both. But, to a woman, it would look MALE! A lot of the differences your mother will see, like the ones you mention, just look MALE. So she doesn't see a difference. As for sex, etc... waters are murky now, so she won't know what to really expect.

I STILL don't know how my mother and step mother feel. They are the only ones I have told.

I am still trying to convince my mother. Maybe try to explain to her as I am to mine. That You are not looking for a scapegoat for your actions, but more of a way to layout some common ground so that she can understand you better.

Best Wishes.

I'm trying to convince my mom I have autistic disorder and not AS, but to no avail.

My dad's more open-minded, though.

Short of an official Dx, it may not be possible. I'm in the same boat with my father. When I try to discuss it with him, he dismisses it out of hand. (I've stopped bringing it up.)

When I mention that I come home from parties profoundly depressed (and how I'm usually happiest at parties sitting in a corner playing guitar by myself), he always insists that if I went to more parties, I would eventually "figure it out". Thanks, Dad.

With me, I sometimes wonder if part of the problem is that I was the "gifted" child in the house - reading at age two (now realizing that I was probably hyperlexic), eventually an honors student, went to a good college. (In retrospect, I think I was saved by going to small schools - when I got to a large college, it was a disaster.) I'm sure in his mind, I couldn't be "gifted" and have something "wrong" with me. (I almost wonder if he might see me being AS a slight on him.)

I honestly think that I would need to be officially Dx'ed for him to believe it. Everything short of that is just me "not trying hard enough" and "trying to find an excuse".

You dont need to convince her of a label. That doesnt do anything for acceptance. What you need to do is convince her that there is a methodology that will improve your relationship with her. By this I mean you might have to be indirect.

For example, instead of saying "I cannot deal with a lot of people all at once"(true for me anyway), rather say something to the effect of "I do best with people one on one."

People will bend over backwards to help you "do best" but they will argue themselves blue that you "can" do what you say you "cannot".

These examples are specific to me. If you do not feel articulate about your personal issues, reply here and I can phrase them for you.

I sort of feel the same as other people posting on this thread. I dont want to tell my family I think I have A.S. I think it would devastate them, and also the fact that autism is perceived in society as a "pathology" means it would upset them to think of me like this. They would also probably suggest I was making it all up.

I think that de-pathologizing autism would help but I think it will take a long time for society to make such progress.

My mother asked me, "are you saying this is my fault? Is that why you're saying you have this disease? So you can tell people I gave it to you?"

She has since read up on it on the net, but I can't really tell what is an act with my mother, everything she does is self serving.

I recommend getting your mother a book on the subject, make sure it's one that highlights people with your sort of symptoms.

Christmas is coming up .