I desprately need help with my son!

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He was diagnoised on Nov. 5, 2007 as having PDD-NOS. They said that if it wasn't for his speech problem, they would have classified it as Asperger's. He will be 5 years old in February.

We've started going through the process with the school as to how to help him educationally. He currently goes to preschool for 5 hrs. per week. He is doing great there and they were suprised by his diagnosis.

Today was extremely difficult with him. One of his "things" is when he's really interested in something, he has almost tunnel vision with it. That the best I can describe it really. For instance, last year he was OBSESSED with Santa Claus. Not about the Christmas holiday OR even about the presents. Just about Santa himself. Well, that faded away. Then, it was Superman. With these subjects, it was literally ALL he'd talk about. His newest "obsession" is the Sonic the Hedgehog computer game we have. I only allow him to play it once per day. Then, for the rest of the day, it's ALL he'll talk about. Before he plays, I remind him that when I say it's time to stop playing, he needs to stop without yelling and screaming. Then, I give him a 10 min. warning, then a 5 min. warning, then a 2 min. warning. Then, I go over and put my hand on his shoulder and tell him it's time to quit playing for the day. Usually, that is met with yelling, but after a few seconds he calms down.

Well, today was worse than it's been in a loooong time. I gave the usual time warnings. When I told him it was time to stop playing he started screaming bloody murder. I ended up putting him on the couch to calm down. He sat there and screamed for about 5-10 min. After he calmed down I tried getting him to eat lunch and he flat out refused. About a half hour later, it was time for preschool. I gave him the usual time warnings with that too. He started saying he wasn't going, he didn't like it, it wasn't fun. I even mentioned that they got to play in the snow and have his Christmas party (which he knew about before). Nope, he wasn't going. I told him it was not a choice. So, I struggled to get his snow pants, mittens, hat, jacket and boots on. He held onto my head the whole time, so it was difficult. I got him into the van and we got to the school. I had to park down the street alittle ways. He was still saying he didn't like school and wasn't going. So, I dragged him out of the van. He went to the side of the road and went into a fetal position. I basically drug him to the sidewalk to he wouldn't get hit by a car. Then, I started walking to the playground area where his teachers were. I looked back and he was at the van trying to get in it. I handed his backpack to his teacher and went back for him. I told him to get in the van (which he was more than happy to do) and I drove up to an area that is reserved for ppl that work there to park. I again drug him out of the van. He went total dead weight. So, I drug him to where his teachers were (a few feet). When he goes dead weight, there is NO WAY I can carry him. He weighs 50 lbs! I explained to the teachers exactly what had happened. Once he heard "Sonic" he was talking a million miles a minute to one of the teachers about his game . It was just like someone had flipped a switch. I told them I was leaving to go cry . Then, two and a half hours later, I went to pick him up and asked how he did. Know what they said? He was absolutely fine . He's always been fine at school, once he gets there. He may complain about going and there has been more than once that I've had to physically get him ready to go because he refuses, but he does great once there.

I'm so sorry this turned out so long. I just need help with him and really don't know what to do with him. It's so hard because he's high functioning and if someone isn't around him alot, he looks just like everyother preschooler out there. But, he's SO NOT, LOL!! I bounce between frustration and total adoration of him .

For reference, he has a 7 y/o brother (whom is homeschooled), a 13 y/o step brother and a 18 month old half sister living with us.

Can someone give he some ideas of how to help him? Thank you SO much!

Last edited by mama2cntrykids on 19 Dec 2007, 6:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The best way to help him is to survive. You are doing excellent work. Truly excellent. But even with excellence, some days are going to be horrible no matter what you do. It's not your fault. It might not be his fault.
Go eat some chocolate (not too much) and smell a vanilla candle.

From your description, it sounds like you could transfer the timed reminders to flash cards, "5 more minutes" "1 more minute" etc.
I will say that screaming as a reaction to stopped play is pretty good, if he's not hitting or hurting himself in anger, then you're ahead of the game at this age.

The only thing I can think of as far as going to school is that he has problems with the snow garb. Is he this resistant with other clothes? It may be the transition itself and he needs a more structured way of transitioning from home to school. (flash cards or cartoon stories)
My son has had this issue (with getting ready for school)but never that severe. He's just more of a dwaddler.

I would find other activities that relate to Sonic, like coloring books, puzzles or some game. That way he can obsess all he wants but he's incorporating it into other activities at home.

Yes, the "flipped switch" effect is mind-boggling.

Thank you for the ideas! Yes, lelia, I did have lots of chocolate while he was at school. They were actually brownie bites with powdered sugar on them. Yum!!

Kim--When you talk about the flash cards and cartoon stipes. Could you clarify alittle? Sorry, I'm really new to the lingo . And yes, the sonic related items would be worth a try.

Thanks again. Anyone else have some insight?

I have to say I don't really understand the limits on video games. I have always been aspie-obsessed with video games. The only time they have interfered with my life is when someone else attempted to atificially intervene. I am a successful working professional with 2 kids and a wife, so it is not like all I do is video games.

In fact for a long time one of my obsession video games was sonic. Video games, especially sonic, have always been a sensory organizing activity for me, comperable to relaxation or breathing exercises. If he needs to play the game I just don't see a problem, I mean there are worse things he could be doing (i.e. screaming)... If my son was so easily distracted/obsessed/discussive about a character, you can bet he would have "Sonic Sandwiches" for every meal, We would be "collecting rings" on the sidewalk and "avoiding spikes" in the street. We would be trying to beat Dr Robotnick to school each day, and we would be helping his sister "Tails" with the things she needs help with.

I would just encourage you to embrace, use, encourage, and tolerate the passion. As you said, his santa obsession passed and his sonic one might as well. His obsession is part of who he is right now, and it just seems like such a beautful and easy "in" for you to relate to him and encourage him. Obsessions make life easier for an aspie, and understanding that will make it easier for you.

Oh and get him a blue jacket, and tell him it makes him look like sonic

Shaggydaddy, I don't know how old you are. But when you say you're obsessed with video games, you're older and can set your own limits. The OP has a 5 year old and feels that she should limit him. I grew up in the 70's in the country so I had like monthly exposure to arcade games. I was done when I ran out of quarters and I don't even think I was playing anything until 6 years old.
I didn't have access to home systems until I was 25.
So, I think mama2cntrykids is dealing with something in the right way.

Flash cards, just plain writing on plain cards. Instead of saying "5 more minutes", hold up a card that says, "5 more minutes".
Cartoon strips, simple cartoons that say what you expect with pictures of a clock, car, your son, the school. Whatever it is that you want to "say". My son has speech delay and pictures drove the point home. Now that my son is 7, I write him letters instead.

No, I can't draw well. The pictures are very crude but symbolic.

I am 27 now, from age 4 I was allowed unlimited access to the computer for games or whatever else I wanted. It was the greatest gift anyone could ever give me, because my computer obsession is what feeds my family, keeps a roof over our head, buys us nice toys, etc etc.

I wonder if he was obsessed with books, or chess, or math, or housework, or spelling would you feel the need to limit it? I have found people to be very hostile toward video games, and I feel that it is largely a generational problem, rather than a substantive one.

I'm glad you chimed in Shaggydaddy. I was coming back here to ask about setting limits on the video games. We set the limit because he'd play all day if we didn't. He loves it. A question my hubby has is this: What if we let him play to his hearts content, but it comes time to go somewhere or eat or shower etc.?? Then we still have a meltdown on our hands. How would you handle that/those situation(s)?

how would I handle it or how do I think you should handle it ?;)

Personally I would buy the handheld version.

But if that is not your style, or is too expensive or something, I would start by letting him "detox" for a few days from the artificial limits.

I would explain to him that you and his dad have talked and that you realize that Sonic is much more important to him than you realized, and that you have decided to let him play all of the sonic that he NEEDS to, but that this means that Sonic is not reserved for special times, but that it doesn't change what he needs to do other than sonic... like sleeping, eating, school, etc etc. So any time that we can, that you feel like you need to play sonic we will make an effort to help you get the play time that you need. If you feel like you played enough than you might want to think about stopping. If we all have to leave, just remember that Sonic will be here when you get back. You can alter your talk as needed, but I think it is important to let him know that you understand that his special interest is very important to him. And even if you don't think he will grasp the whole conversation, this is about respecting his needs and desires, so I think it is better to talk to and not talk down to him.

Plan for a few days in a row of 12 hours of sonic marathon. This is a detox for the limits he has been struggling against for the past few weeks/months. I think in order to self-regulate, especially with an aspie obsession, you need to not be regulated beyond your comfort level, and clearly he is currently regulated beyond his comfort level. I think after the second day you will start to see some difference. I would respect his need, but also let him know "5 minutes till we need to leave" rather than "5 minutes till your arbitrary limit is up" I think the difference is crucial.

Hello mam2cntrykids,

I am a Mum of 3 sons aged 9, 7 and 4. My oldest 2 have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome.

Your description sounded like some of our bad days - even the bit where the teacher tells you he was fine/happy all day. I used to question my sanity!!

Chocolate is my coping strategy!! I don't drink alcohol and I'm a vegetarian, so I figure I can have 1 vice. I eat chocolate everyday!

Setting limits on the computer is a tricky one. Currently my 9 year old is obsessed with WrongPlanet. I let him go on WrongPlanet for 4 hours yesterday (he's on school holidays). My husband gave me a lecture last night about limiting his time I figured WrongPlanet is helping his typing + socialising + boosting his self-esteem. Still I don't think I'd let him on longer than 4 hours.

It's a personal decision what limits you put on his computer time. I know recently my 7 year old was absolutely exhausted. I pulled him out of school for 1 week and sent him to my parents place for a holiday. He spent hours everyday playing the computer. However he still went for walks with my parents and played at the park.

Is he interested in anything physical? My 3 sons and I started Taekwondo 6 months ago and they love it. So they practice lots of Taekwondo everyday.

Re: transitioning off computer - buy a little timer. Work out a system with him eg With 5 minutes to go you will tell him it is 5 minutes until he has to get off the computer. Set the timer and put it near him.

My second son was initially diagosed with PDD-NOS but his diagnosis was later changed to Asperger's.

Anyway, I'm rambling on.

Welcome to WrongPlanet! This website has been a lifesaver for me.

Regards
Helen

I can't really address the issue of time limits, but I can share what helps us with transitioning. First, I put another activity between a passion (the word "obsession" sounds so negative to me) and the activity I desire my son to do. For example, tonight he had martial arts.

He loves martial arts, but the transition from home to class is a difficult one, and transitioning from Sonic to martial arts is just about impossible. Instead, I let him know before he started playing that he could play until dinner. Then, I gave him the usual warnings, and helped him save his game at 1 minute until dinner so that he could wash his hands before coming to the table (as much about transitioning activities as germs). At that point, there is a set progress of activities: dinner, change, get in the car.

I think the gentle transitioning with a set progress of activities makes it much easier for him to shift his mindset from Sonic to martial arts, and helps him enjoy the class better.

Oh, and I fully agree that chocolate is the only way to survive days like that. Preferably either at Starbucks or with a good book.

Shaggydaddy, I'm not at all hostile towards videogames and I have posted about them at length. I just think that very young children (under 7 or need some time limits on them. We all have limits and boundaries and we do it to teach our ideals about lifestyle habits.

And I am just saying that there is a generational problem that puts videogames in a different category than other intersests. I strongly hope that my son will someday enjoy video games as much as I do, but I am not going to limit the amount of time he is allowed to read books just so that we can have similar lifestyles.

I strongly believe that lifestyle and self regulation are not something you can force on somebody (especially an aspie) You can model them, but forced time limits teach self-regulation about as well as federal income tax teaches you how to build a school. True, the school gets built, but in the end you just feel like somebody took something from you by force.

Usually when he has school (M/W) we do have a routine. We'll get up, eat, his 7 y/o bro. will do school, then my 4 y/o will get dressed and play Sonic. I'll let him play for an hour. Then, I give him his usual time reminders, we'll have lunch. Then, they'll usually play in their room for a half hour or so until it's time to go. About 5 min. before it's time to get ready to go, I give him another reminder.

He really seems to have a hard time transitioning from the house to whatever activity we'll be doing, even if it's something he REALLY likes .

You did say something in your post that got me thinking though. On the computer, he can't save his game. So, when he shuts the game off and starts it the next day, he HAS to start at the beginning!! How frustrating for him! I can't thought of that in passing a couple of days ago, but it slipped my mind until I read your post! Hmmm. Maybe I will have to get him a hand held game. I'll look on ebay. We really can NOT afford to buy a new one right now.

Thank you so much!

shaggydaddy, I am fascinated by your approach. I'd really like to try it, but E has responded in the past to extended play (longer than an hour) by forgetting to take bathroom breaks and deeply offending my couch.

Did you have this problem during your son's Sonic immersion, or is it unique to mine?

I just have to thank you shaggydaddy. I would have never have thought to incorporate Sonic into other things in my son's life. I told him that tomorrow we're going to have Sonic pb&j sandwiches for lunch. He got a big smile on his face and said "yesssss!" . Thanks! I will try to include sonic in more of our lives for W sake!