"Girl talk" :?

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This has become an issue again. I want or need to talk to a girl and she is with one of her girlfriends and they get defenseinve over my presence and ask me to excuse them, citing "girl talk", which does not compute to me. By my logic, choosing someone to confide sentitive personal informatin to based solely on gender is ret*d and neurotic. When I need to confide something to someone, I do it based on a person't familiarity with the subject matter and ability to keep a secret. Gender is the last consideration. So, to this day, the definition of "girl talk" in my mental lexicon is: something that will only piss people off if I don't oblige. I know people have been trying to explain this to me for years, usually trying to appeal to my (nonexistant) social intuition, but can anybody explain the purpose of girl talk and why it's such a big deal?

Last edited by Sean on 28 Aug 2005, 4:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Oh gee, that's a hard one. I'm a girl I don't even understand it but I get real confused when girls tried to make some girl-talk with me. I'm a stripper so I hear girl talk very often when fixing my hair. I think it often has to do with bitching about other people.

I had female friend who would call me and talk for ages about how some girl was stupid because she had done this and that. After she was done she asked for my opinion and I answered I didn't know the girl and I had no idea why she acted like that so I couldn't judge her. My friend later talked to some other girl about my answer saying that I was a good friend but that I didn't defend her. I guess in those situations they just want other girls to approve their sayings so they can feel that they are right.

Some girl talk also seems to be about how men are stupid, how we should all be lesbians, about periods, their beauty secrets and their diets. I never know what to answer when a girls starts explaining all about her diet but when there is a bunch of girls, they all know what to answer and it goes on for about 30 minutes.

it's about female bonding, sean, as much as men-talk is about male bonding. i wouldn't even try to understand it from a logical point of view. but accepting it, saying "tut!" in your head and finding someone else is probably your best bet, really.

one doesn't have to understand something to accept it, but it's helpful to be able to do that, as it saves an awful lot of stress, i've found. "i don't know why, but it IS, and so that's where i'll start from" is a common refrain for me.

Why on EARTH would be a stripper?

I'm not big on male bonding either. I can't manage keeping a large enough group of friends to make such a drasitc distinction between male friends and female friends. Girl talk has usually been only a nuiciance since I first learned about it at 15 (I was really off in my own little world before that), with one notable exception. Now, there is a small group of older teens and young adults that I am probably going to need to explain AS to, and I don't want anybody who doesn't need to know finding out via "girl talk".

Please discuss that with her by PM or start a seperate thread for that. I really want to keep this thead on track.

Sean,
being a girl myself, I quite agree with you. I have a few close guy friends and don't mind sharing private details with them. It sounds like sometimes girls think they have to use it for various reasons, but a lot of times, it's to gossip about something or someone. I don't really like it.

That's just my two cents. I don't blame you though either for wanting to explain your AS yourself instead of it being some conversation that doesn't include you.

Mellow

I'm a girl, but am not really involved in "girl talk". To me, it seems like a pathetic excuse for a bunch of girls (usually the more popular kind) to chat with each other. Usually it turns into gossip about something or someone. I guess I'm pretty fortunate because most of my friends are either guys or tomboyish girls, hence the decrease in gossip and such.

I would stay away from "girl talk" as much as you can.

not so. men "gossip" just as much as women. different nomenclature, maybe, and a different manner of speaking/responding. i'll even give you a reference for that, if you like.

I don't know about "girl talk" but I do know there are some thigns I would want to say to some of my friends and not to others. Perhaps it was a topic she only felt comfortable talking with her female friends about. That's the closest I can come to explaining it; I myself have far more male than female friends and am not all that into "girl talk." ((Might I add, I seem to wind up becoming the male plutonci friend of the men I do hang out with. I'm sure it's entirely my fault; still, a tip to single guys: Do not complain to single females that there are no good single females out there. It's bad form.))

And there are some subject matters that only someone of the same gender as you can really understand and relate to. At least that's the way I see it.

I'm not sure what the purpose of "girl talk" is. A lot of that stuff is glorified small talk, which I have never liked. Maybe that's why I don't tend to attract female friends all that often.

If I feel comfortable or uncomfortable discussing things with someone, it probably has to do with their views and values, not their gender. I also look at a person's ability to keep a secret. A blabbermouth gossip who belittles my views is a PITA regardless of gender, race, age, or any other demographic trait.

Over the years, whenever they ask me to excuse them, citing girl talk, they always seem to be indignant over my presence, as if I've violated some social rule that should have been obvious. I know that this isn't the best site to ask this on, but is there some sign to look for that is used as a general unwritten social rule to signify that a male presence is not wanted in a conversation?

I guess when you see two or more girls (without any guys) talking about personal and/or female-related things? I don't know - I've never really gotten the "girl talk" excuse.

I understand 'girl talk' and have done it. Trust me, Sean, you don't want to be around when girls are having 'girl talk'. They are most likely discussing boys, or b*tching about other girls, or 'other things' that I think would be better off in the Mature Forum.

When they say 'girl talk' they mean 'What we are talking about is private, Sean. We don't want you around right now, but we don't want to completely hurt your feelings or create an awkward situation by telling you to go away.' Also, like I said before, you don't want to be around. They are talking about something that would make you feel awkward by being there.

When you see girls talking alone don't approach them. If they greet you then you can. That's probably the best way to do it if you don't know when they don't want you around.

Last edited by Bec on 29 Aug 2005, 12:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

you took the words right out of my mouth, Bec!

one thing, then sean, is that they are, at least, trying to spare your feelings, and not just telling you to bugger off (or worse).