Dating norms?

Post Reply New Topic

Ok...well i've noticed that the age for actual dating is getting a lot younger.
I mean, it used to be that at the age of 15 [or older] that you get your first kiss...and now if you haven't been kissed by the age of 12, it makes you some kind of freak!!...

For example...you now hear about 10 year olds that have boyfriends or girlfriends. I am wondering if this is just "puppy love" or actual "dating".
Truth be told....I have never felt compelled to date and feel that it is unnecessary to "rush" things. I am only 16 so sure I have not had a lot of like experience. I just feel though, that the pressure to be dating at a increasingly younger age is rediculous.

I'm not entirely sure where I am going with this but I may aswell finish off by saying...
*What do you think of the whole "normal dating standards"?
*If you have had a boyfriend/girlfriend, what age was your first one?
*If not, at what age did you feel like you "should" be having a relationship with someone?

I don't keep track of dating norms anymore, but I got my first relationship at age 17 (I'm 28 now).

Tim

There are probably some biological things playing at the background. Growing up in a 'richer' environment causes people to develop faster.

And I think social standards are a bit higher than they used to be. But if that is really the case?

I think it depends completely on the individual. The age doesn't matter.

don't worry about it.

Just had my first 'date' last night actually. I'm 19.

People have tried to mock me about it before, but it doesn't concern me, who cares? When something comes it will come.

I'm 19 and still havent had a single date, let alone a girlfriend...

I don't feel that there's any pressure coming in from society that "I'm too old to not have dated" (although pressure comes in for other reasons)... my only "dating" pressure to speak of is an internal one (that being I feel so alone in the world)...

I think the perceived norm in this respect is very, very different to the actual norm. If you believe the media you think that people start having relationships in their early/mid teens and don't stop. Get talking to some real people and you realise it isn't the case.

Having said that, I had my first boyfriend when I was fifteen. It lasted 6 months. I feel like when I was younger my odd-ness was quite cute, whereas now i'm an adult I feel like a great big lanky freak sometimes. I did better in my teens.

From what I know, the whole "dating" thing is very differnt in England to America, this is largely from the wide range of crappy american programs we get, and my sister working in america for a few months one summer. I wouldn't say, from anything I've seen in England, the dating thing works the same, sure people meet maybe go out for a drink or something, but I have never heard anyone young refear to anything about which date it is, or what you can do by which point, I guess thigns work different when your yonger, obviouslly ebing 21 I can't say what it's like for a 35 year old say.

But people just do what they do when they do, I mean I started having relationships at about 12-13 and having sex mid teen, but that's just me nobody else influenced that, so i wouldnt worry what other people do, I think if a lot of Aspie's did that we'd never leave the house in fear or doing the wrong thing

The dating norm constantly lowers because kids want to be more and more "grown up" faster and faster.
Which leads to situations like 11y/o kids kissing or 13y/o kids having sex.

Yeah there are plenty of cases of 12 year olds wanting to go on the pill, ahh in my day everyone lost their vaginity at 15 lol

I don't notice that much of a norm as to when one must have a first relationship--it's accepted that some people date more and earlier than others. Where the norm is much "harsher" is in terms of what kind of relationship one is looking for at what age. In other words, whether someone starts dating at age 13 or at age 28, it is assumed that in early 30s people who DO find someone to date are thinking about a serious relationship and possible marriage. This means that it's hard to find a "13-year-old-type" of relationship (with another individual of any age) as a 28-year-old--you have to "wade" through the same pool as people who are looking for a relationship that's normative for 28-yer-olds.

This shows up in that there are many places for 13-year-olds to hang out with others who are just starting to date, but there are no structured events/groups specifically reserved for people in their 30s who are at the same stage in their dating development. There are not even dating groups/services for people in their late 20s and 30s that do activities like minigolf, games running around on fields, etc. that younger people typically do on dates--it's all dinner and dress-up kind of crap, in addition to "nightlife".

I never paid much attention to dating standards. I had no interest in dating till I stumbled into an online relationship at 20.

"Norms" are formed by what is reported, and so much goes undocumented that they're not worth paying attention to.

Ultimately you date when you find someone you feel comfortable enough to intimate with. Paying attention to arbitrary norms just forces you to do things at someone else's pace rather than yours, and to make choices you are bound to regret.

It's nobody's business but yours when and who you date anyway, and you could be unwittingly overlooked by awesome people because you tied yourself to a dud for the sake of the norms.