Keoren wrote:
Everything is fine in the internet, things are nicely. However, as I leave the house, it seems that all the light, people and noises make my brain somehow get stuck on the superficial level. I become anxious and can't really think the same way anymore (thoughts actively disagree to get on a deeper level), ending up acting like a total idiot with no proper sense of the consequences of my actions.
I can feel and observe the situation and my behaviour and take notes, but I seem unable to change it drastically. At the end of each day, I see a scale inside my head of how I did that day. In the last few weeks, only two days have been positive. My thoughts also tend to dwell around everything I screwed up.
Stimming and music help, but don't take the problem away. I also often get too stuck on a physical level, simply unable to make myself stim with the finger weighing 500 kilograms.
Someone else with any advice or experiences to share?
YES; I have advice. STOP judging yourself. STOP trying to change your behaviors. ACCEPT yourself (as I am also trying to accept myself). See my post here:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt52557.html
If music and stimming help, do your best to use those things. I think we are made to enjoy music/vibrations more than NTs. I'm a musician myself, and I find myself rocking and moving to music much more than other people; I think it's just the way we are made. It's a gift!