I'll be out of mental hospital soon.

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So, after 4 months I'm soon getting out of mental hospital.
I don't know what to think about it, actually. I'm so used to the routines of the hospital, the other patients that come and go and the personnel and everything..... It's gonna be SO weird to live like any normal person with my mom and going to school and spending time with friends....

Just because I've had the diagnosis Aspergers' Syndrome and because I've confessed I was sexually abused I'm supposed to be alot less depressed and not suicidal at all anymore...
But it's not like that. I don't feel overwelmed by happyness and motivation at all. But I'm gonna lie to the doctors cause I do want to get out of mental hospital wheter it might just kill me or not, outside atleast I can cut myself whenever I want to and get drunk sometimes.
Also I'm alittle curious about my new school that I'm going to. But that's it.

I feel really hopeless. Now I know for sure I'll always suck at socializing and I problably will never even get a work.
I'll be very alone very much for the rest of my life, no matter how hard I try that's the case. People will always misunderstand me and get pissed at me, it's just my fate.
Thinking about the future, I can't see myself alive or doing anything at all actually. Neighter can my friends, perhaps it's cause I'm not supposed to have a future?

I seriously can't stop cutting, and I am 100% sure I'll start drinking as fast as I get out of hospital again. I can't see why I should stop cutting, my arms are already totally f****d up and so am I so why bother......
And the drinking, it's not THAT very dangerous and I don't drink very much and not every day... Atleast before I didn't.


Conclusion
:
I'm a mess, a hopeless one.

They have computers in Mental Hospital?

Cool.

Anywho, I know how you feel mate.

Aim for hopelessness, and pessimism and in the end at least 1 good thing will turn up. That's what I do.

No they only have tv. But I'm having a free day since I havn't tried to kill myself for a couple of days now.
Heh okay.... Yeah who knows....

I can't imagine how devastating it is to have both Asperger Syndrome and be sexually abused. I greatly sympathize. My family wouldn't allow me to become depressed, so I don't have depression. I visited a mental hospital a few years ago. It's a secluded place in Orting, WA called Rainier School. I saw some mental patients who were in really bad shape. It was an experience of a lifetime. Now, I'm a psychology major and I plan to become a specialist in Autism.

That's not true. The fact that you have made several attempts on your life without succeeding and the fact that you are talking to us now about your situation means you want to live. That's a good step right there.

Things are gonna be a little crazy getting out of the hospital and getting your bearings, but just hang in there!

it sort of gets me suicidal, i feel like a hopeless case and nothing else.
okay... well, sense im at the childrens mental hospital people are not that bad cuz i guess the ones that will become really gone are somewhere out there having a horrilbe time.... but ofcourse theres a couple of really broken and insane people....

You know, part of the reason why I never developed depression is because I learned that I can take my experiences and use them to help other people out there that are worse than I am. Don't take this the wrong way, but I learned that suicide is the most selfish and pointless way to end one's problems. I learned that there are better ways to solving your problems. Still, I can't imagine being in the situation that you're in.

Oh it must be hard to think like that all the time.... Isn't it almost impossible??
Yeah I kno, suicide is cruel. That's why I'm alive. Otherwise I'd be dead long ago.

My experiences with AS are the reason why I'm going into Psychology. Nothing is impossible when you set your mind to your goals. I mean, this probably won't be like the movie Pay It Forward. I was going to major in Music Education, but I realized one day that I'd make a lousy teacher. Basically, when I used to think of suicide, my mom would get after me and be totally blunt about it. This happened a few years ago, and it was the last time that I thought of suicide.

Anyway, explain more about yourself. Anything!

Do they have Art Therapy, in Mental Hospital? I really enjoy working on my art. I bet that you're happy about getting out.

A "free day"?
That sounds more like a prison than a hospital! Hospitals are supposed to help you and provide therapy these days...not just lock you away.

Anyway, I'm glad that your getting out. I can't imagine even being inside

It is so hard for an Aspie to be accustomed to hospital life, only to be released into the "real" world again. I went through it when I was younger, and didn't really want to be released. Sometimes I still wish I could go back to the hospital, but I have managed to make it and I sincerely hope you can too.

I used to feel the same way, I wouldn't even leave the house. It just took like 3 months, and they got me on the right medication. I mean don't get me wrong, it's not like it makes me happy, it just makes me not want to kill myself..

Don't you have a counsellor/therapist that you will see, once you are out of the hospital. It's a good idea.

I believe you CAN stop cutting.

Well, it's just so hard to have goals when you're depressed. I set up goals sometimes, but I usually give up on the the following week when I realise they're impossible....
Umm.... I don't know what to explain... I'm very stressed up now, cause my mom wants me to take a walk or something, and not be such a computergeek. But I think that's my business, and my life, not her life
Well, I gotta go now, before she gets even more pissed off, I'll anwser everyone better next week when I get a free day...

I understand how you feel. I'm autistic and I used to have a really hard time socializing and being accepted by others. I had no friends and was lonely and depressed. I felt hopeless because I thought autism was genetic and that there was nothing I could do about it. I later learned that I can have friends, be happy, and live a decent life. You may be different but there are people who will accept you the way you are. People misunderstand you often now but you can change that by asking questions on WP about why you were misunderstood and you can practice socializing so you can get better. Some people will get pissed at you when they misunderstand but don't let it bother you. It's not your fault they misunderstood. When someone gets angry because they misunderstand you, tell them something like, "I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me" and then talk to them about it so you can express yourself better next time.

I think you should tell the staff at the hospital and your parents how you feel. Tell them you need help socializing so you won't be so lonely and depressed. There are probably social skills programs and therapy that can help you learn. You can go to the library or ask your parents to buy you books on Asperger's syndrome and socializing so you can learn how to improve.

Please don't give up or cut yourself because there is hope. Some things that help me are reminding myself that none of us are perfect, thinking positive, and focusing on what I can do to improve myself and make my life better. Instead of being depressed because you are lonely, think about what you can do to socialize better, make friends, and be accepted. I'm confident you can get better and be happy.