After 10 years my 13yo Aspie STILL can't complete a.m. ADL's

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Help!! I can't take it anymore. My son is 13 years old, and we have used the same routine for getting ready for school for YEARS. Yet if I don't queue him, he is still found in his undies sitting on the bed, staring into space. I have tried many many different behavioural programs, but we seem to gravitate to a list of tasks (put on deodorant, get dressed, make bed, brush teeth, comb hair...), posted in his bedroom the bathroom and the kitchen. SHould I believe he will always need supervision? Will he EVER be independent in this area?

so, if i understand correctly, he actually does the list~he just doesn't function without the list ?

Does he wake up using an alarm clock? My 11 year old seems to like that, and follows his routine fairly well after that. Getting himself ready seems to be something he likes though -- it's paying attention in class that we have a rough time with!

Kris

My kids aren't as old as yours, so I can't be that helpfull.
At least lists work! I'm guessing you have tried rewarding him?
My son is 9. He needs lists morning and evening, he even needs a promt to remember to flush the loo!! ! We took the promt down after 3 years of flushing, and he immediatly forgot to do it! It astounds and amazes me, too!

a cool looking/sounding alarm clock may work.
then again, it may irk him.
my dd (11) just started using an alarm clock. i think morning transition is the worst for us, so you are not alone i try to make everything as clam for her as I can (even though I'm at work when she's getting ready for school). it's 50/50 with her and her attitude in the morning.
some tasks may take longer to grasp than others - so don't give up. some folks are morning people, some aren't.

i still need lists to remind me to do some things......there's worse things in the world than having to follow a list.

You may want to research something called "Executive Dysfunction":
http://thiswayoflife.org/ef.html

Especially look under the subheading "Using Reminders & Checklists." However the entire section of Executive Dysfunction is well worth a read if that is indeed what fits your son's behaviour.

And remember there is nothing "wrong" with your son. It's just the way his brain works. It is not a moral flaw that causes this.

I guess I'm not sure what happens: he needs cuing but is that with the written list or a list AND a verbal cue? And does he need continual verbal prompting even with the written list to keep going?

My NT brother was like that with waking up and grooming. He could wake up and clean himself, he just didn't want to. If it was something he wanted-hunting, fishing or sports-he could wake up at 2am and outfit himself completely.

I have this problem to a degree myself. Although I am a mother of 2 children.
It is an inability to start a new task.
Same music , with which I was productive once helps me a lot.
It looks like I simply record mys state.

Wow, that's a great link! I'll be using that information myself.

I had the hardest time getting ready when I was a teenager. I had a routine but it had to be done in exactly the same order or I'd completely forget something obvious like putting on a shirt. And I do mean exactly the same order - If I put my left sock on before my right I wouldn't remember to brush my teeth. It just wouldn't even occur to me that I would need to go in the bathroom, even though I always went in to brush my teeth immediately after putting my socks and shoes on

Now I can get ready in pretty much any order I want in the morning. The only routine I have is that I get clean clothes, a towel and washcloth before getting in the shower. Moving away from home helped because I was in a less stressful environment. I am not sure if getting older played a role or not

Yes, great link!
Triangular trees: are you saying it was harder to get through morning routine when you were a teenager than a kid, and do you think this is a general problem for aspies i.e. should I expect this from my son? Was it your brain that was more muddled at that age, or that you had to do these things more independantly? Or was it just that living at home there was to much going on?!
I know it is hard to generalize, but from your experience, would I help my son by making his routine even more detailed (left sock before right sock)?

My life was pretty far from typical. I wouldn't be surprised if I went back and time to discover that I did not take one bath from summer vacation at the end of second grade until 4th grade, or brush my hair even once then. In 4th grade it changed because the school called my parents. However prior to that I remember my mom laying out clothes for me that I would pick up on my way to get ready - I don't recall ever having a problem. In 5th and 6th grade I did get ready on my own but I only changed my pants once a week, the shirt I changed daily. I still didn't bathe every day.

In 7th grade I began showering and wearing clean clothes daily. I was fine for about two years. But by 9th grade my routine had to be exact. Then I was living with my dad but my mom was the next house down (about a 1/4 mile away). So that meant I was living in a house with no food, basically living alone as I minimized the opportunities I had to come into contact with my dad, close to the parent who mentally and phsycially abused me and who probably saw me nothing more than as a free labor source at the time, which could have had something to do with the need for routine.

It has also just occured to me that I watched a television show in 7th grade that gave tips for how you should live and eat - I think it might have been American gladiators for kids. I remember taking notes on every episode. That might even be the reason i began showering daily. And then maybe I was thinking "wow there is all this stuff I didn't know like how you must brush your teeth for two minutes" so I best follow everything in case there is something else I don't know that they didn't tell me. Thereby creating pressure on myself to do things "exactly right" if that makes any sense. I've learned as an adult that I don't do any performance task well under pressure. Which is odd is all but one of my best research papers have been written in 4 or 5 hours the morning they were due. The exception being the graduate one I wrote in 6 hours the day before it was due as i had changed my topic at the last minute



Of course I've been away from all that negative stuff for about 8 years now and I still have extreme difficulty tying my shoes if I put the left one on first. However, I can do it now and if I choose to do it that I won't forget to do something else.

I guess I needed some new ideas and a reminder that we are not alone - my son and me ! ! I am considering all of these ideas, and will keep you all posted - GOD BLESS YOU!

That sounds tough, Triangular trees- you must be quite special and strong to have been able to manage and even teach yourself these skills from the telly.