A depressed pink monkey

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I first heard of aspergers about a month ago and the more reading and research I do, the more analyzing of my childhood memories and my current behaviour patterns, the more convinced I am that I have it. I mentioned it to my therapist but she said that it is difficult to diagnose and that by my age (40+) I have learned to compensate as much as I am going to. You would think that finding out there were others like me adn finding WP, a place where I can be myself, would be a relief and empowering. But the fact that there is actually something wrong with me and to have a label to apply to it has left me strangly depressed. I feel like we are all pink monkeys and we will all be ripped to shreds by the normals and that nothing is going to change that. Just because there are more of us than I thought does not make a difference.
Since the divource three years ago I have pretty much given up on woman, longer then that since I attempted to have a friend. The only thing that keeps me going these days my children, two, 8 and 6. If it wasn't for them I would have cashed it in long ago. Is this all there ever will be? The kids will grow out and away, my mother will die, and I will be utterly alone with no connection to anybody or anything.

You left out the part about wrinkles, flab, failing eyesight, losing teeth, illness. suffering, and death.

That cannot be explained away by AS, it is your fault for being born.

You have children, so your life is not your own, you get to play kid again, and as AS is genetic, they need you, for hidden in everyone is a touch of autism, a normal human thing, often called the creative.

You have a lot of free time, do something if you want there to be more. Twenty years to Social Security, are you gointg to sit and watch the clock?

You should be into the peak function of the brain, write, draw, keep it moving. Start businesses, nurse them along for five years and sell them.

Learn to eat monkeys, they call it the law of the jungle, when they are doing it, and have other words when it is being run on them.

Pump iron, study martial arts, keep a fit body, and controlled mind.

Do something, volenteer, join the local autism group, you can do what no other can, help people.

You are going to die alone, what are you going to do till then?

I know what you mean about feeling like the "normals" will never accept us. In terms of friends I have found that people who have disabilities or people outside of the mainstream tend to be much more accepting. I too went through a great deal of depression in my life. Like you I found out relatively late in life (I'm in my late thirties). That is great that you have children; it must be nice to have that kind of connection. What kinds of things do you like to do in your spare time? I know making connections with other people is hard. Yes, having AS is difficult but I came to a point where I had to decide that yes, AS sucks in a lot of ways, but I decided to make the best life possible for myself. I don't know what kinds of things you like to do so it's hard to know how to advise you. I have been in the pit of despair before so I will not minimize the way you feel. You might want to contact the University of Florida regarding an autism support program. I know someone who is planning to move to Florida because of support for adults with autism. I think the place is called the Center for Autism and Related Disorders. You could do a search online for it. I have been fortunate to have met some other people on the autism spectrum and making friends with them has made me feel much less alone in the world. I don't know what your schedule is but volunteering is a great way to get out of the house and get your mind off of things.

You are welcome to send me a pm if you need someone to talk to.