Does anyone else here feel larger than life?

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What I mean is, i'm 25 years old and (without the schizophrenia comparisons) I feel like I am being pulled in a direction in life (by outside forces) to do something extroadinary in an artistic sense.

I think some of us high functioning aspies have special things to give if we have an alienated, social invisible start to our lives in school/college etc. and understand our own internal bravery when you're a young child to be an observer and create your own world view and your own world with your interests and gifts.

let me know what you think peeps

ps (this is not an advertisement) but I practice transcendental meditation too

I'm not sure if it's in the same sense you mean, but I get perceived by others as 'larger than life and twice as interesting'. I get noticed. I stand out.

The trouble with that sort of perception is that people will use you as 'living entertainment', you know, everything you say or do is regarded as entertainment. These days I'm careful to dress anonymously and not draw attention to myself in public. I cultivate anonymity. I got tired of the 'living entertainment' thing a long time ago. It's a form of unpaid work to me, like forced labour.

amen!
being 'larger than life' can be a never ending acting job. Everyone thinks you are "on" all the time and of course, we find it hard to let down our 'public' by being anything else but 'the star'.

After a while I have to move or change jobs or find other friends just so I can relax. As I got older I don't do it as much - just don't have all that energy it takes to be so manic all the time.

Merle

yeah exactly, sometimes it feels like Catch 22 because I struggle to form a persona where I can just be accepted, so it tends to be me the 'entertainer' or me 'withdrawn, depressed, paranoid whatever'

both personas can't survive consistently on a regular basis, so then the hidden third persona which isn't actually a persona is the 'caught in two minds/hey folks i'm not actually a human being', please please ignore my behaviour and don't take offence

and then there's the balance of outgoingness/friendlyness/quietness

it can be a nightmare! but a pleasurable one in a laughing at life type of way

Yeah, I think I sort of enjoyed it more when I was young, because people seemed to like it, but then they never let you out of that 'living entertainment' prison.

You can go into showbiz or standup or whatever but thats like the circus. I have moral objections to having to make a living out of being a freakish human. Some ex circus people love that life though (showbiz) they meet partners and have a social circle of other strange people, and if you're careful and lucky you can stay sane and do alright financially. Myself I always thought I was like those dead celebrities so I kept away from it - I never had much stability as a young person.

I spent my whole trying to be someone that other people wanted to be.

You won't find what your true talents are until you start listening to yourself and following your own direction, imo.

I've always felt like I had a calling and never felt comfortable around so-called "normal" people. I was always the "weird" one. So I wound up in the world of alternative/ hard rock music, where everyone was strange and everyone's behavior was accepted (well, except for the boring, normal people - we didn't want any of those around). As a result, I was just one of many and wasn't expected to be any more entertaining or "on" than I felt like being. It was the first time ever I felt like I was Home.

And I actually did make something of a name for myself as a rock journalist. And my journey as a writer an author is still ongoing. So, uh, yeah, I totally relate.

-J.

That's exactly how I've felt for a long time. I always tried to fit in and be what I thought others expected of me. I just couldnt handle it. I cant try to be "normal" anymore. Beign who I am has relieved a lot of pressure on me.

You also realize that you have special talents thats others dont and I found that I was repressing them just to be normal and not stand out.

I feel exactly the same way. I've felt a huge difference in my confidence and everything else in my life once I quit trying to be like everyone else. The sky is the limit now.

I now feel that the only thing stopping me from taking over the world is a lack of resources.

I'll second that.

It can be very hard to listen to yourself and truly figure out what your strenghts and weaknesses are, without deluding yourself. You also need to fully realize what things you enjoy doing, and which you don't.

Doing all the required thinking took me many years and I'm only starting to act upon my conclusions. I've only recently gained a good understanding of what kind of person I am, and what I can realistically expect from society (I'm 36 years old - most people reach this stage when they're about 18 don't they?) Sometimes, in order to think I had to lock myself in a quiet room, relax and close my eyes.

The process was hard, but I believe that the result is worth the effort.

Alternate realities topic

I clicked on this topic because at first I thought it had something to do with a perceptual distortion of feeling bigger than everyone and everything else around--the opposite to the Alice Wonderland phenomenon where you experience the abnormal visual of seeing yourself as reduced in size, and everyone/everthing else is much, much larger, gigantic.

Now I know it has something to do with the experience of being under the microscope for someone else's amusement. I do not want to swim in a goldfish bowl, with others staring at my every move.

I do not want to end up a cartoon in a cartoon graveyard (Paul Simon in Call Me Al).

I agree with Postperson, et al.

Last edited by sartresue on 06 Mar 2008, 10:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It’s interesting how everyone interprets things so differently.

My interpretation of the topic was the feeling that you are here on the planet to do something BIG, regardless of whether anyone took notice of your contribution, or not. I can relate because I have felt that way for many years, even before anyone took notice of my so-called ‘gifts’. Then when others did notice my ability to write, or what they felt was an uncommon intelligence and wisdom, it just fueled that feeling.

As I have gotten older, I don’t feel that way as much as I used to. I’ve realized that “thinkers” stand out from the crowd, because the vast majority of people seem to be too overwhelmed and exhausted by everyday life to attempt it for themselves. Many just want to be like everyone else, so they refuse to even try. It’s easy for those who stand out from the crowd to seem extraordinary, not just for other people’s amusement, but for the fact that we aren’t in lockstep with everyone else. Sometimes I wonder if anyone cares enough to entertain new, or radical ideas. Some days I have the drive to create for a time when people are ready to evolve, and other times I am not sure whether or not mankind is even worth my contribution. Regardless I am driven to keep thinking, and communicating my thoughts to those who do care enough to listen.

I'm probably narcissistic on top of AS, but I actually like being the center of attention. If it's in a good way, at least.

That said, I hated being "living entertainment" as a child and young adult, when I was around mostly NTs. When I branched out and found people of like insanity, then standing out became a game and a challenge. Plus, in my work, being "living entertainment" can be used as a marketing ploy.

-J.