As an adult, what are your conquers & challenges

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There are so many things I have learned to live with and cope better with. Then there are things that will just always be tough.

Most of my conquers boiled down to a simple rule to try and never do harm, and that includes to myself.

Here is my list:

Conquers:
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- can go to a social event and effectively lurk quietly in a group of people without embarrassing myself
- can do some basic small talk, usually by directing a lot of questions at the other person, as I find out what their interests and life is all about (and, I make sure that I listen!)
- can function well in my job by making sure I work extra hard, stay out of political situations, ask advice when I'm not sure how to treat a relationship type situation and really know the business, people and environment well so that I can add value
- Learned to accept myself the way I am, always analysing myself to understand myself better and knowing that most decent folk would accept me

Challenges:
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- I still get the meltdowns, usually from frustration because people don't understand a point I'm trying to make (it's LOGICAL, damnit!) and/or because of sensory overload
- Being too honest still makes me wish I could put my foot into my mouth, especially when it comes to personal remarks (e.g. "I'm sure you only have to loose 20kg!"... ouch).
- Being completely clueless about the underlying emotions, sentiments and politics in meetings, where all I want to do is solve the problem and get on with the work.

My no.1 challenge:

- Making a friend. Keeping a friend. Believing that a friend really wants to be my friend. Always being a good friend back. Perhaps knowing what it means to be a good friend would be a good start.

What are yours?

what a GREAT THREAD! I am dashing off to work ( that I keep my head down and do my work and have a couple of people that I actually 'click' with!) but I will write more when I come home ( to my own apartment and dinner that only I subsidise!)

Merle

Hi there,

I was so taken with your post that I joined this wonderful site even though it is my first time here. First let me say that having been here a few hours I'm wondering if most everyone I know doesn't have this condition on some level, and I'm not being glib in anyway when I say that, please don't think that as I'm being perfectly honest.

I've read your list 5 times now but I have to tell you that you sound like you are dealing with the same challenges most everyone does and doing a better job of it than many. You are so aware, honestly, the world would be a much better place if more people were aware of their behaviour the way you are. Many the time I've seen people acting in ways that make you wonder what their reaction would be if they saw a video of themselves that evening....or the next morning.

As to all your questions about being a friend...those are questions everyone who's a good friend asks. Every relationship is so different, some friends need little from you, just want to hang out, chat, have a meal, other friends need you to support them while other friends would rather just support you and so it goes. Everyone brings their own problems dealing with life and their own realities to the table so, as much as different self help books would have you believe otherwise, there's no formula for being a friend. Be kind, be as understanding as you can and still be true to who you are (yes, 'friends' can sometime be anything but), and always remember that every person you meets brings their fears, their perceived inadequacies, their needs, and their reality to the table and there's a very good chance they are no where as near as self aware as you are. Though, and I have friends who do it to so don't think you're alone, a comment like the 20 kg. one's probably not the best way to go though with certain friends it would be good for a laugh. Instead when someone says they need to loose weight it's always best if you have to say anything, start with....I think you're beautiful the way you are...(and if you mean it you can add) but...if you think you need to loose weight, is there anything I can do to help?

If I thought it was allowed I'd address each of your points directly as I've honestly never been close to a single soul, including myself, that is not struggling with the same issues you've brought up here and you are far more self aware than many of those. I'd hire you in a minute and would think anyone would want a friend like you.

Conquers:
* Graduated college even though it took awhile.
* Got married, have two children.
* Have a handful of friends.
* Able to communicate effectively with school people (for my children) which felt impossible due to bad past experiences. This was made possible by realizing I have AS and that I wasn't just socially paralyzed.
* Able to force myself to be a bit more social and have conversations without looking like a complete ass.

Challenges:
* Meltdowns with a sudden change in plans or sensory overload.
* Severe tactile aversions to some very common things you encounter everyday, like paper and metal.
* Visual/oral/tactile aversions to foods and food groups that come and go. Right now I'm in one and almost everything but a few foods really grosses me out and my diet is extremely limited.
* Difficulty concentrating and/or dealing with very noisy (or multiple noise) situations.
* Significant impairment understanding timing of give and take in phone (and sometimes other) conversations.
* Significant impairment knowing when it's time to end a conversation or visit.
* Missing social cues.

I have graduated college.I have a job in which my bosses understand my AS condition.
I have a car , and can drive.

My challenges are I have to keep my head up when walking at work, so I don't look like

a whipped dog. I need to control what I refer to as "Aspie Humor"( Don't Ask) Trying to be like

Job.

conquers: self
challenges: self

It's almost spooky. Everything you wrote, seems to describe where I'm at in life, right now. I'm still working on my"social events", but everything else is spot-on. It sounds like you also, have truly accepted yourself for who you are. It took me 33 years to reach this point. My only other problem is that I get depressed alot, and there seems to be no real reason why. Maybe I'm bi-polar too. Who knows? Nice talkin' to ya.

OMG I have goosebumps all over! I usually get emails to tell me people are responding to a thread, and I got none this time, so I thought, oh well, no one was interested. What a suprise when I got back here now! I am truly touched. Thanks guys. You are all awesome. Please keep posting. Wow.

sinsboldly: Please don't forget to post!

Pax:

Yes, the more you get into the deep stuff of what Asperger's really mean, you find that even your toughest hardcore NT may have a symptom or two which is all good. We are all human, in the end, once you look further than the labels, and we are all similar in one way or another. Thanks for your encouragement - really, really appreciated.

Mikomi: we seem to have a whole lot in common... just hoping to have the kids too one day

preludeman: Ok, you have to explain the Aspie humour thing...

jawbrodt: Thanks for the encouragement! I also suffer from depression, but I am on pills (citalopram) and hope to one day be able to be not depressed without them, also. There is no reason why I shouldn't be, at some stage - my life is not bad.

Thanks all. I am truly touched.