Can a person on the spectrum ever be socially confident?

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No matter how much I've tried in my life to improve socially... I don't think I will ever feel "confident" in that department. Everyone else seems to notice when someone isn't confident too -- it shows up in the body language.. slumped shoulders, not standing tall, not smiling with twinkle in the eye, etc.. Confidence is attractive -- and draws people and when there isn't confidence, people notice right away.. Alot of people are so quick to judge too.. I wonder if I was just hanging with a group of Aspies at their house, or wherever... away from NTs.. maybe I would feel happier and more confident?

I just rented this DVD at Blockbuster called "The Human Face"... it talks about how there is something like 7,000 facial expressions... wow... They also show where an NT goes into an MRI machine and they show where a part of the brain reacts to people who are expressing strong emotions and the brains of people with Asperger's show no reaction at all.. It's as thought that part of the brain that recognizes facial expressions doesn't register on the MRI like it does with NTs..

EDITED to add that I am on the autistic spectrum myself. Just wanted to clarify that since my post might be interpreted as offensive if someone thought I wasn't on the spectrum.. Apparently at least one person thought that.. sorry if I wasn't specific enough.. I actually really do worry that I may never be "socially confident".. at least in NT settings..

It depends on the definition of "socially confident," it is possible for an aspie to improve in the area but there probably is a place that the bar could be set that would be too high for most people and all aspies.

I have mastered a few types of social situations by studying and analyzing them.

I am completly fine running a high power corporate meeting, for instance, because I understand all of the rules and I can expect specific outcome. I can convince people most of the time in debates and debates are not at all intimidating to me. I also find Job interviews easy.

I am definatly not confident in social situations like Restraunts, Parties where I don't know at least 70% of the people, large casual introductions (hello this is John, hi john, and this is james, and this is Don, and this is Claire, and this is debbie....), Group exercises, such as support groups or church, or study groups. All of those things are paralyzing to me, but typical people find them easy, whereas debate and business meetings paralyze many people but I shine during them.

The main thing is there is a ton of material about strategy for meetings, debate, and interviews, but there are no good resources about social chitchat or dealing with restraunts or parties, so I have found it really hard to study about how to master them.

Hmm. I'll provide a singular view of "on the spectrum". My son is somewhere in the neighborhood of LFA/MFA. He is active, happy, loving, and personable for the most part, but almost entirely lacking in communication skills. His lack of communication skills actually serves as something of a shield for him with respect to social problems and anxiety. In effect, because he has no real sense of what is socially correct or not, what is socially expected of him or not, he has nothing to worry or be anxious about aside from some frustration over an inability to communicate effectively.

In all, I would say that my son is very socially confident via complete social ignorance. An interesting side effect benefit of autism.

Good fortune,

- Icarus has amplifiers rather than shields...

I've tried to get a "twinkle" in my eye...didn't take.

Can a person on the spectrum ever be socially confident? absolutley.

Just be yourself!
Maybe you could tell someone that you are shy as people accept shyness more readily. Or you feel uncomfortable in places/situations you don't know?
Then when you are more comfortable you could tell them you have AS and one part of it is not being that socially confident.

I've often wondered about this myself. Will I ever be socially confident? I hope one day I will. My problem is I often don't know what to say to people, or how to respond when someone says something to me. It's like I have a brain freeze. Even online sometimes I get "stuck" and don't know what to say. People around me just think I'm shy and quiet -- I haven't told anyone I think I may have AS.

I've done relatively well for periods of time; even got called "charismatic".
. . .but I've never drawn to me the more stereotypically mainstream kind of people.

I have social anxiety traits for having been bullied for over a decade and then, on top of that, mobbed at work years later. . . also "lack of practice" for being isolated most of the time; other than that - and provided I'm reasonably careful - I don't seem to do terribly bad in certain groups. It depends on both my mood and the circumstances; sometimes I click with specific people right away and that helps dealing with the rest.

I guess, provided that for the next years I don't have to put up with co-workers grabbing my throat and/or calling me "aids-ridden bastard"* just because I happen to have an education; my actual desire to communicate with people will gradually emerge anew as it's been happening for the last months.


I even do better offline than online; where I can keep track of people's body language.

* that was the "welcome back" greeting after having been absent due to a flu.

It takes me a lot of practice in any social setting to be confidant, but when I get there, I'm GOOD. Right now at sbux, I rock the house!! ! I am funny, endearing, and well liked by coworkers and customers. I have a "character" to play. I can get on stage with my band, and I can be a great entertainer. I can also go on a date, and be the nervous guy who never makes eye contact, and never get a second one. I can step off stage and have a GORGIOUS lady walk up to me and buy me a drink. Then I say thankyou and make the fastest b-line for the door you've ever seen. I can't even do well in rehearsal with a new band. As my old friend Matt says, "You are the most charming person I know...from a distance"

I can appear socially confident.

I'd have to say 'yes' and 'no' on this, yes for the fact that there are times that I just want to be out somewhere hanging out with my friends, and no for the fact that there are days that I just don't want to go anywhere or see anyone, I just want to be in my house by myself with my pets.

Depends really...

When I am in an environment where I can show my strengths, I seem confident. However, in an environment that exposes my weaknesses, I am not confident at all.

sort of fall into that bit with the 'expected outcomes' situations. I don't go to parties, because I'm not invited. Tend to be rather quiet, but no one has a problem with that...