Trouble with recognising your own emotions?

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For me it was worse when I was younger, for some reason I didn't seem to be very self aware? Strange..

But now, (I'm 26 now) I am incredibly more self aware, but with much effort.

Despite how far I've come, I still have problems with it. Like my mother would comment "hey, you look happy today", and I wouldn't have noticed that I AM happy until she pointed it out to me.

And then there's anger. Many times I feel very angry or short tempered, and I really cannot figure out what it is that's bothering me.

And then I get upset with myself for having these emotions that I can't find the logic for! It causes me to be really hard on myself.

So is this an aspie thing?

I don't know if it's an Aspie thing, but I also experience similar feelings.

I am not sure if my issue is that I don't recognise emotions, or if I just don't experience them very strongly. I do know that I don't experience emotions the same way most people do, because for others, it seems so natural for them to express or explain what they are feeling, but for me, I just don't seem to get it.

I feel generally contented most of the time, which is not a bad thing, but it makes me feel rather disconnected from others at times. I don't ever think I feel excited, and am very very seldom angry, though I will experience mild irritation. As for "love"- this emotion remains a mystery to me. I don't understand how people know when they are attracted to someone, and that they want to "go out" with them. For me, it seems I have to logically work out my behavior around a person to understand how I might feel about him or her.

I also get very upset or irritated with myself when I feel strong emotions that don't seem logical. Several months ago, my cat died, and I was very upset. I just kept crying, but the entire time, I felt at a distance from my emotions. I kept saying "Why am I crying, this is stupid, because it won't solve anything." And I became angry at myself for being so illogical. My parents had to explain "grief" to me, and had to tell me how to go through this process so that I didn't just keep get stuck on the "crying" and "getting angry for crying" stages. Even my little brother was able to deal with this emotion more easily than I was.

My parents say that I'm too analytical, and that's my problem. I don't allow myself just to "feel" things- what they don't understand is that I don't know how to just "feel" things, and they can't explain it to me, because it's something they do completely naturally. So instead of relying on my emotions, I generally rely on logic, and that seldom fails me. It does, however, cause neglect toward certain issues, like sociability. While I can understand other people's emotions logically, I can seldom (if ever) connect with them on an emotional level. I feel as though there is a wall between myself and others, because of these differences, this inability to connect.

I can recognize my emotions, but when I think about it more than I do most of the time.

I recognize myself in what Civet wrote. I am happy most of the time, and even when people tell me that they are depressed, for instance when they talk to me on IM and tell me that their day went very bad, it does not make me depressed. When people talk about depressing things, most of my relatives and the people I know start to be depressed too, but I do not. Maybe this is why some of them talk to me when they are depressed, because I analyze their problems logically and not through feelings. I am not saying that I am never sad or angry, but most of the time, I am contented.

I am very analytical too. When I feel something, I always try to understand it the logical way to determine how I should be feeling. Sometimes, it is a good thing, but sometimes, it is annoying because I can not always manage the feelings I have.

But I also have a good intuition ; I am not "only logic".

Loy

Alot of times my emotions seem to be connected with my physical needs. I can become quite irritated or cry alot when I am tired and need to go to bed and rest. Some days I can be upset and angry for no reason and then when I think about why I'm upset I remember that I haven't eaten all day. After I eat something, my mood improves. Strange but true.
- Patti -

I had a very interesting experience along these lines - this is a long story, so be prepared . . .

My best friend was also my boss in my previous job - this left him in the rather uncomfortable situation of having to be the one to lay me off . . . I've been through hell and back with him - the short version is that he saved me from killing myself on several occassions . . . we have always had a really strong connection with each other for some reason . . .

So, that overwhelming empathy thing kicked in and I knew something was wrong so I really paid attention to his body language (I'm very good at reading that from being around animals a lot) and finally figured out that he was going to have to lay me off - based on what he said and how his apperance would change when he said it . . .
So I figured I would save him the trouble of having to do it and, basically, tell him I had it figured out and not to worry about me . . .

That was the plan but it went very differently . . .

When I went to tell him that I had this figured out I was fine for about the first two sentences and then proceeded to start crying uncontrollably - BUT, at the same time I am doing this I am telling him not to worry about me and that I'd be ok - and I MEANT it - it was like my emotions were running all on their own . . .
It confused the heck out of both of us and made me feel really badly for him, since he is very sensitive and I'm sure it made him feel very badly to watch me have a meltdown like that . . . which was just the opposite of my intention . . .

I also have had the experience of not really feeling an emotion but having people tell me that they thought I was upset or something based on the way I looked . . .

I know what you mean, animallover. This is how I felt when my cat died. It was like my intellect and my emotions were completely separated, almost as though my mind was a cold observer of my emotions, like they were two different people.



Hah, the story of my life. Apparently I look worried, upset, or displeased most of the time. My cousin explained to me it's because I don't smile, and since I'm not smiling, people think I'm not happy/content. I guess smiling comes naturally for most people when they are feeling fine, but for me, it doesn't. I generally have a blank, confused, or concerned look on my face, from what I've been told.

That's funny about the smiling - I do almost the opposite thing - people say I have a very nice smile - and I've discovered that if you smile really big after you say something then people think it is all ok and will leave you alone . . .

So, generally, when someone asks me something strange I just smile and say something general like 'That is really interesting . . .' and usually they will laugh it off and leave . . . which is what I want them to do . . .

Smiling comes naturally to me in some situations, but even when happy my baseline expression is also blank. I think not smiling as much is more accepted in men (and white men, at least in America) than it is in women. So I think it is partly a gender thing that I get accused of being unhappy so often, and partly an autistic thing in that I have less expression than most people do. Plus I am told my resting expression does not look blank, even though it is blank, it apparently is something people would read as mean.

I often get asked if I'm ok- apparently I'm looking depressed/confused/upset to them but inside Im not actually thinking or feeling anything in particular. I frequently think about what they would say or think if I was smiling during these non-connected times- they'd think Id gone completely nuts!
I have also experienced the separate awareness from my emotions- this is why I worry I will never be able to fall in love because I can't give myself completely to emotions. I'm far too analytical and find it hard to just feel something without thinking 'Why am I feeling this?' 'How am I feeling this?' 'How do I know that I'm really feeling this and not thinking Im feeling this?' It gets very annoying and confusing.

Civet's posts made me think about my emotions. My self-centered emotions, such as anger or excitement, are strong and I have trouble controlling them, despite years of effort. But my social emotions (love, hate, guilt, remorse, envy, worry about someone, etc.) are either non-existent or weak. For example, someone is in trouble and I very much want to help him/her. But do I worry for them? Suppose that I must wait until I can do anything. During this wait I actually do not feel anything and couldn't care less about the person in question. So either my logic can control such weak emotions, or I do not have social emotions at all, and the "feeling" is just a logical response, similar to what Civet described ("While I can understand other people's emotions logically, I can seldom (if ever) connect with them on an emotional level.") Well, usually I can't understand other people's emotions at all, even those emotions that I am able to experience myself. Things like love, dating, romantic relationships are completely elusive for me, and I don't feel competent to theorize on them.

I cried a lot as a child, but then I decided that it is unbecoming a man, and I stopped crying. During last 7 years there were three occasions when I couldn't contain emotions and started crying. Of course I was enraged at myself for such a stupid and illogical behavior. Fortunately, every time I managed to regain control and stopped crying quickly.

To answer Deborah's question, I will say that I consider emotions my enemies, because they are illogical, come at worst moments, interfere with my logical reasoning, and cause all sorts of unpleasant physical effects. I usually know what the emotion is about (from context), although I am sometimes surprised by its strength. However, in some cases I need to think what it is that I feel. For example worry and excitement over anticipated events are often indistinguishable. The feeling comes and makes me think "OK, I am anticipating something. What it is, and is this thing good or bad? Am I worrying or am I happy?".

I agree - I hate emotions - I wish I could get rid of the mcompletely - that would make my life so much less complicated . . . in fact, one of my favorite people to be around makes jokes with me (I mean not at me, but as a way of getting me out of uncomortable situations) whenever someone says something that I don't understand emotionally he just smiles and says 'WE both know that emotions like that are useless . . .'

I also really agree with the experience of only wanting to hear about emotions when I can do something about them - at my old job there was this one person who would just talk excessively about her minor problems like the world would end because of them (this irritated people other than me, but irritated me especially) and one time I made her mad at me for three or four days when I said 'I know that is frustrating - what do you want me to do about it?' - and I understand now how that sounded - but what I literally meant is 'What can I do to help you with those situations?' - and now I say it just like that becuase NTs percieve that as being less harsh . . .
My two favorite people to be around know how I feel about this sort of thing, so they will always finish any ranting they do with 'Thank you for listening - what I needed was someone to vent to . . .' or 'And it would really help me if you would do ____ to help me with this problem'

The up side of this whole thing is that this need to help people in a SPECIFIC way is the reason I'm so good at my job . . . regardless of the sort of crisis someone is having when they call me there are only five things I can do to help them - send police, send EMS, send fire, send police and fire and ems, or send fire and ems - therefore the solutions are very well defined - I just have to get the information about where to send the option I decide on . . .
The other up side of this general lack of emotions in my job is that sometimes we get just horrible calls - I mean horrible - and when I listen to them I tend to notice things like the way a person sounds before I think about what is actually going on - this works very well because I am able to be detached enough to do my job, while other calltakers are very emotionally involved . . .

In one state, I'm unable to feel much except very basic things like frustration and "cerebral pleasure"; that's rarer now though.

In another state, I can experience lots of anger and some anxiety, and other more complex things if they go through the imagination.

Then there's the state where I can experience "normal" emotions and know I'm experiencing them but not express them, sometimes because I don't know words for them and sometimes because I just can't. This can be literally sickening.

And somewhere in between is the state where I experience strong emotions and don't have a clue that they are emotions; this is called alixithymia.

There are similar variations in my capacity for empathy. Sometimes it's so strong my brain seems to completely identify with the other person, which is useless of course (except for knowing what they're feeling - it's useless for responding adequately); sometimes a part of me can "see" the psychological stuff behind a person's words or behaviour, which can be useful but also terrifying or disgusting - a kind of insight about human nature; and sometimes it's so completely turned off that I almost forget about its existence in other people.

The confusing thing is not just the unpredictable alternations between these (and other, like verbal vs. nonverbal) states, but that they can occur at the same moment; I think I've experienced up to three at once.

This is part of why I view myself as different people whenever it could possibly make things clearer; the alternative would be to view myself as one incredibly messed-up person .

I tend to analyze myself psychologically obsessively and have done so since a couple of years after I went to therapy and actually found a use for understanding oneself psychologically. I am easily aware of what emotions I'm feeling and why I'm feeling them pretty much all the time.

Oddly I don't have too many problems identifying basic emotions within myself and sometimes others, it's when I get anxious or frustrated that a lot of my emotions become a blur and so do those of others.

When I was younger I'd aways get really p***ed off without knowing why. I've realized that's one of my reactions to sensory overload, and it doesn't take much to set me off... One thing that will do it without fail is washing dishes. Just the tinkling and clanking noises really get on my nerves and if someone tries to talk to me while I'm doing it, it's just to much to concentrate on. I will snap at them.
This is a problem I've always had but it was a long time, even after my diagnosis, before I realized why some situations make me so angry for (apparently) no reason.