Sleep Schedules and Roommates

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I'm getting the feeling that one of my two roommates, who happens to be the more introverted of the two and a computer science major like me, is a little annoyed at my sleeping in so late on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays when I don't have class till 2:30 in the afternoon. It's not that I'm sleeping till 11:30 in the morning to piss him off, but I need a healthy amount of sleep; and, if they're going to be up clacking away on their computers until 3:00 A.M., it is to be expected, I'd think.

A few days ago, we created our official roommate contract, signed and everything. We agreed to be courteous about each other's sleep schedules and have a lights-out policy after 2:00 A.M. However, both my roommates seem to be much less sensitive to noise and light, so they can't really seem to get it through their heads that, just because I'm in bed, doesn't mean I'm able to fall asleep—even if they've turned their desk lamps off. I have a hard enough time falling asleep to begin with. Their typing and moving their mice and the light radiating from their screens do keep me awake as much as the main room light being on! I also seem to need more sleep than either of them do (maybe because I have so much trouble falling asleep) and am a pretty light sleeper usually too (luckily, if I'm woken up, I can fall back to sleep more easily than initially usually).

This hasn't become a huge problem yet, but; despite the roommate contract, I have a feeling this problem could come to a head eventually. My roommate, the computer science major one, has stated that he's both a "morning person" and gets by fine with only about six to seven hours of sleep per night. He said, on weekends, he can understand "sleeping in" (by which he seems to mean till 9:00); but, if he's got to get something done, he won't feel bad if the noise wakes someone up. I don't know if he means this will become a fixture for weekends in the dorm room (his getting up at 9:00 or 10:00 Saturday and Sunday mornings just to do some calculus homework or whatever he works on into the latest hours of the night).

My roommate was trying to downplay the disturbance his desk lamp causes to my sleep by saying the light would shine more on the other roommate's bed than mine. But that doesn't take into account different levels of sensitivity!

I was trying to tell them how even the noise of the air conditioner (which is a must) makes it harder for me to fall asleep and that, as far as my body is concerned, having a desk lamp on is equivalent to having floodlights on because the result is the same: I can't fall asleep. The self-described morning person thought that, if I set most of the rules for bedtimes, I'd be "controlling" the room. I told him, further, that noise and sound really didn't bother me much when I was awake; I can study with all kinds of noise going on around me; it's only falling asleep that makes the issues issues.

I'm just worried these sensory and schedule differences might create conflict, which I want to avoid. One of my roommates seems deadset on following his sleep schedule come hell or high water even though it ruins mine. What is the solution?

A few possible solutions. Get new roommates. "Deal with" the sensitivity (yes, I know it doesn't work that way). Take your diagnosis to residence life and ask for an individual room. Move off campus.

It goes beyond the realm of expectation for you to expect dead silence and darkness in the room until noon or so every day. It also goes beyond the realm of expectation for you to function normally on 4-5 hours of sleep a night. If your sensory issues are serious enough that you can't sleep even when dead tired, it's probably necessary to find an alternate solution.

I had this problem with one of my roommates. She wasn't on the spectrum, but she had OCD. The noise from my computer keyboard at 3 in the morning drove her crazy and stopped her from sleeping. She tried earplugs, sleep meds, nothing worked. We had a couple screaming fights about it and she'd end up crying in the bathroom. I wasn't about to back down, because the reason I was up at 3 was to IM my best friend who was in another time zone and having some serious psych issues of her own. I also still had a lot of angst from the past because I was undiagnosed at that point. So crying in bathrooms from sensory issues was standard practice for me and I thought it should be "gotten over" at all costs.

We eventually quit talking to each other, moved out at the end of the year and never spoke again. In retrospect, she probably should have gone to residence life and asked for a new room assignment, which probably would have landed us both in counselling, which would have been a good thing for both of us.

If your diagonoised its very possible you can request a single (as in 1 person) dorm room for your disablility though they are probably all filled now and you might have to wait till midyear or even next year. Im having the same problem with my roommate (currently I have 8 class and he comes in from 2-3) dont know how its going to work. I tried to get a single this year but without the offical dx (I just had my regular doctor say I needed it and I was getting tested for it soon which I am) they said nope.

If it were dark and quiet at 2:00 A.M., I'd be able to get up earlier in the first place.

Singles are more expensive. I'm living in the dorms because I don't have a source of income and my parents will pay for tuition and the dorms. I have also taken out a subsidized student loan.

Yeah but an extra year of college would probably be even more expensive and if you cant live there :shrugs:.

Since getting a single is out of the question, my advice is to suck it up. Moving in with a different roommate or roommates is almost always disastrous. The only vacant spots that the residential life department will be able to move you into will be with people who have had their roommates abruptly leave. That means you could end up with your college's resident necrophiliac gerbil-rapist, or even a Slipknot fan.

Talking with your current roommates might work, but try not to suggest anything that you wouldn't be willing to do for them. Unreasonable demands = lasting bad vibes = bad situation.

That is a difficult situation, NeantHumain.

I agree. It is hard living with other people. You need to to compromise.

No, not hard - impossible. I really would pull out all the stops for that single room if you can. What on earth are the up to, sticking three or more people into one room? I am so glad that when I did the college thing I had my own space. I could not have functioned otherwise.

I agree with ad. I tried to compromise and everything last year... ended up with a 2.5 GPA (which is sooooooo horrible for me.)

If you have to compromise your grades like Endersdragon, NeantHumain, then you should live by yourself. Do what you think is best for yourself.

I have. I told them watching TV, etc. doesn't bother me if I'm studying or anything. That kind of stuff only bothers me when I'm trying to sleep. I just can't fall asleep unless I'm under certain environmental conditions. We had agreed to 2:00 A.M. for turning lights off just days before, but apparently they don't count their computer screens as lights. I don't know how they can go to sleep at 3:30 A.M. and wake up in time for a class early in the morning.

When I'm trying to fall asleep, I notice sounds and lights more acutely because my mind is not preoccupied elsewhere.

Seems, in my experience as a mostly day-sleeper, that people are judgemental about WHEN more than HOW MUCH I sleep. If I sleep 8 hrs. from 10 p.m -6 a.m. that's considered "normal". If I sleep 8 hrs. from 4 a.m.-12 noon, that's considered "lazy" or "being in bed all day", worthy of disapproving comment or obnoxious wisecrack. I've always been more a night owl than a daylight person, but I'm not consistent, not willing/able to follow a schedule. Sometimes I'm awake at 2 p.m., sometimes I'm awake at 2 a.m. I do what feels right for my mind & body in the moment, can't predict in the future whether I'll be up to doing this or that. When in school/scheduled life, I was miserable & exhausted constantly, my patterns/windows for certain behavior remain minimally negotiable/modifiable. There are pros & cons to this "lifestyle"/mode of being. Never did get along w/roommates in school, they'd usually move out soon, leaving me alone at last. Incompatible personalities & ways of functioning, I guess. I wasn't mean, just wasn't interested in these people & I didn't pretend otherwise. Would be nice if colleges could match up sleep preferences, or noise/loudness thresholds, etc.-so strangers might have increased chance to get along smoothly, even if merely trying to ignore each other.

Hmm, you know how some people use a sort of blindfold sometimes to help them sleep? I don't know the proper name for it... something to try out maybe?

Yeah, for now I've been putting the blanket over my head, but then I can't get enough air, so I take it off. Getting off campus to buy such a thing is a difficulty, too, of course. I don't own a car.

any chance of getting a blindfold/earplugs on the internet, neanthumain? i know it's extra money, which you don't have. other than that, it's trying to explain yet again that computers = lights for you. give it one last go, and then start considering investing in the blinfold things - apart from anything else, wearing them will show how serious you are.

do you have a tutor you can talk to about this? or student services, or something?