the end............

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today, my long distance partner of just over a year called an end to our relationship, I love her dearly and hope that someday I can have her back once again, the hurt I feel I cannot describe as I have never loved anyone as much as I loved her

I was to blame for it ending like this as I had cheated on her, although only once, with my ex (kind of a "one-night stand" type thing though it wasn't at night, I admit I'm a fool), who I hate and feel nothing for, so the pain is far worse

can anyone at all relate to this, because it's hard to get past this and I also suspect I might have clinical depression (though that's something for another thread)

Speaking from experience... don't expect to get over it, ever. That may sound harsh, but I don't think the pain ever goes away. You'll stop beating yourself up over what you did, but you'll always regret it. Just accepting that much, that this person will always be a part of your history and your heart, is a big step toward healing.

Yeah. Heartbreak is an injury that never completely heals. Chances are, you'll find yourself depressed about it years later, out of nowhere, just when you think you've gotten over it and moved on.

- D

30 years later -- still getting over it (without succeeding).

Yep - I second everyone here.

You won't get over it... you might be able to "sleep it" in your head but whenever you feel depressed or whenever a similar situation arises, it will rear its ugly head.

Aspies have this worse than most people because of our long term memory.

mmm... I got over my wife of nine years fairly fast (separated in September). I still love her, and think she's a great person, but I don't hurt anymore or really miss her, other than just the normal loneliness. Well, a good sized chunck of loneliness, but... No clue why I got over her so fast though. Problably becuase the separation was after a long time of separateness.

Long distance relationships are very difficult, if you were able to feel like you had two way loyalty and a sense of reality in the relationship you're probably already a better man than I am in that regard.

On another note though, life is full of missed opportunities. You just have to remember that none of them are really be-all-end-all. There are more, there will be more, the trick is just remembering that and remember that there are a lot of people you could connect with very easily in your future - if not now maybe a few years down the road. You can't regret what you've messed up, just take those instances as learning experiences and promise yourself that you'll grow from them as well as correct the things within yourself that they pointed out - whatever that may be (and I don't mean just what's on the surface, dig as deep as you need to in order to sort it out).

I am hopelessly attracted to someone who currently lives 300 miles away, but she shot me down solely because of the distance, despite the fact that we were probably perfect for each other.

Sorry to hear about your loss

I've had 2 long distance relationships in the past, both started off in close proximity but changed as the girl went back to their parents either for the summer or after graduating from school. The one I know would've ended anyways but the other I think had potential, but that kind of distance just makes things tremendously difficult. It's been 3 years since that one and I still am not over it. The pain never goes away, you just learn to deal with it.

thanks for the replies so far

I'm feeling worse today than I was yesterday when I made the initial post, but the reasons why are unrelated

There's nothing like being kicked while you're already down.

What's going on?

Why do people keep saying he won't get over it?
How do they know that?

He may well get over it. Besides those that have had heartbreaks in the past, does that mean you are half arsed towards your current relationships? Nobody is expecting him to forget it, but that doesn't mean he can't come to terms with it.

maybe if you never have "communications" with your ex again, that might help

you should think about WHY you did that... and hopefully you will come to understand that this longdistance relationship is not what is right.

im sorry you feel bad about what you did... but you should. it's just indicative that you needed to move on anyway. once you've found what is really best for you... you will start to forgive yourself... im sure the regret will stay as others have said, but use it as a guide.

I think, unless its a mutual no-brainer, there are always a lot of insecurities surrounding it. Each person involved can easily feel like its not fully real, for a woman the guy probably can't be there enough, same for the guy and he most often will know in the back of his head that she probably has equal or better options a lot closer at hand than a thousand or more miles away. Its why I'd never long-distance date anyone I had to make efforts or overtures to win over, unless its such a supernatural 'love of a lifetime' thing where it all practically falls into place on their own it feels too sketchy and unstable a situation. Regardless of how much you may be able to expect of yourself also, part of what nags at you is the understanding that you can't really expect much from other people and long distance fidelity does feel from one's own end like its asking a lot.

From what the OP said it sounds like it may very well have been some of these factors in his case that got the best of him in the end - I could be wrong and I wouldn't want to project on him, but still I do think its best for him to remember that if any of these things applied it very easily could have been the nature of the relationship that was part of the problem (and while he'll probably blame himself amply he's likely to be too hard on himself if he doesn't take that into account let alone possibly make the same mistake twice).

I've not said that about the relationship - I was referring to the betrayal/affair.

As an aspie, anything I do that is wrong - haunts me for the rest of my life.

I'm haunted by all the times I said bad things to my mother, times when I've had fights with my spouse, been uncaring or angry at my kids etc...

I never forgive myself for my wrongdoings. I just can't.

I can "sleep them" a little, but they always come back to haunt me whenever similar situations arise.

So - how do I know that... experience.

Learn from your mistake and move on. I've had women forgive me for such offensives, not always, but it does happen. If it's true love it will come back to you, if not there's no sense in giving in to self-pity.