It's Okay to Let Kids Sleep with Parents

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When my kids were small, they frequently felt scared at night and wanted to sleep with us parents. All the experts stated flatly that this was bad because the kids would never learn to sleep by themselves and parents need time alone and if kids were sleeping with them, it was bad for the parents relationship.

They are wrong! The stories I hear about trying to enforce rules with a scared kid so go back to his or her bedroom.;.. that's not a way to treat a kid you love. Don't listen to those experts. Cultures all over the world have had the family bed until recently.

My kids sleep by themselves now and aren't afraid of being alone at night. They wanted to sleep with us less and less until they just stopped sleeping in our room.

I slept with my parents throughout my childhood but not every night. I can remember my Dad carrying me back to my room when I was little. He did it till I was 11.

My husband and I were denied co-sleeping when we were young. I only wanted to sleep with them during storms (other kids were able to at least sleep in the same room during storms). We have never denied our son except when were trying to have him sleep in his toddler bed. We never left him alone while he was still awake but we did unsuccessfully try to get him to sleep in that stupid bed. At 8, he still likes to be tucked in and have a story read to him. Now he listens to music to sleep.
I remember a mom telling me about locking her 3 year old in her room (alone) and listening to her bang on the door and cry for hours. They were convinced that that was the best thing for a 3 year old autistic girl.


I can say from experience that "toughing it out" doesn't make you stronger or fearless. The first thing I did when I moved out on my own was sleep with all my lights on for a long time, I was 24! I had insomnia as a kid for years (fear of the dark and caffeine addiction)

KimJ, that's so much like the sad stories I hear about parents trying to follow what the "experts" say.

My kids' teachers and doctors all disagreed with me letting the kids sleep with us. Some even said that parents need to be seperate from their kids because of sex issues! So that's why I made my first post so bossy sounding. I'm just disgusted with how "experts" deny what's in their hearts and deny logic and thought and all follow in lock-step with the previous "experts."

I am the single mum of two boys, C aged 18 and J (as) aged 9. Both my boys slept in my bed, C until I was way to pregnant with J and he was uncomfortable so at about 8, and J until he was about 6.

It is the best time of the night, both kids would talk about their days, their fears and their dreams. Plus it was the only way to get some sleep.

I'm glad that it happened this way as C has sleep apnea and I may not have picked up on it had he been in another room/bed.

When my kids were snuggled up next to me, sometimes I felt like a mother cat and thought about how much joy mother cats felt to be cuddling with their kittens as they all fell asleep.

My daughter slept in my bed until she was four. Being a single parent, it didn't really bother me. Although she had her own bed, she had trouble sleeping, and would often wake up crying from nightmares. So I decided to just let her decide on her own when she should move onto sleeping by herself. She started taking naps in her own room at age 3, and then gradually moved to sleeping there all night.

My sons 8 and still sleeps in my bed when he wakes in the night.I tryed getting him to sleep in his own bed but he started sleep walking and having nightmares,he also was up every few hours.I need sleep and so does he so it seems more logical to just let him sleep in the same bed.

I agree, wholeheartedly. All three of my boys slept with us when they were little and all are now well-adjusted happy sleepers. My second son, who has AS, wanted to be next to me all the time, even at night. I think maybe he saw me as just part of himself, even more than the others. He also loved to be carried in the sling most of the day.

Our now-13yo AS son had a great deal of trouble learning sleep routines, right from infancy. He slept with us, or in a co-sleeper beside our bed, or on the floor beside our bed, on and off until he was 7 (which is also the age that he finally slept through the night). Sharing a room with his younger brother helped him to learn to sleep, too.

I am happy to report that he now had great sleep habits. He still doesn't "feel" tired all of the time, but he a has learned to put himself to bed, and to stay asleep.

It was a long, slow process but worth every minute of it. The only thing that I regret was following our doctor's advice and trying the Ferber method with him as a baby. It set him back so much we were dealing with the anxiety a year later.

I really think that co-sleeping can be very beneficial for kids, AS, or otherwise.

yeah i agree that it can be the best thing. mine go to bed in their own beds at bed time, but if they wake up during the night come and snuggle and sleep with me. and sometimes when i just need someone beside me i go and sleep with them. i guess if i feel like i want it why wouldn't they? i would agree that it may put a strain on the marraige especially if both parents aren't on the same page, but you can alwasy carry them back to bed when they've fallen asleep. thankfully because it's just me now, i don't have that problem and i'm good with it, and it can mean a better sleep for all.

My NT niece (who is now 9) always liked to sleep with "Grandpa" (my stepdad) when she stayed at my parents' place when she was little.

OregonBecky, it seems you and I are always in agreement when it comes to parenting...

My child's pediatrician told me over and over that he had to sleep in his room alone...I remember the countless nights of "letting him cry it out"...which of course, didn't last more than 10 minutes before my husband and I lost it and could not bear it any more...Eventually, we just put him in our bed and never again...I wish I would've listened to my instincts sooner...As he grew older, then it was he has to go to bed alone when he's 3...well, that came and went...and then it was 5, well...that came and went...he's 6 1/2 now...He has no problem sleeping over at my mom's house without us, he has actually no problem sleeping in his room if he has a friend come over (has only happened twice...) but, at the end of the day, well, he still sleeps with us. My mother has even told me that she's heard that it's almost as "incest" to have your kids sleeping with you...argh! I about told her where to go...There is a known psychologist in spanish TV stations that talks about that as well...crazy woman I think...

Anyway, there is nothing sweeter than going to bed at night with the kiddo...we read together, we meditate with music sometimes in the background, and it's great...he sleeps between hubby and I...we don't mind. Yes, it's tough on the marriage sometimes, but we manage and have a great relationship anyway...

By the way, after learning about the autism and the sensory issues, and how some like the "weighted blankets", etc...I think that is why my kiddo likes sleeping with us as well, as he normally will be trying to snuggle very close to one of us...maybe the preassure makes him relax...

I don't like it when co-sleeping is portrayed as the "best" thing to do. I believe that many children like being alone much better. I suffered a lot of unnecessary guilt from co-sleeping mums telling me I was doing a bad thing to my son by putting him in his own crib when he was almost a year old. We had been co-sleeping but he could not sleep well when he was around me. As soon as he learned to sleep on his own, he was brighter and happier both day and night. On either side of the fence, I don't think anybody has sufficient evidence to say that their way is the right way for everyone.