Advice on Living Abroad (or not, heh)

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I have just started the second year of my degree at university. My course is called Combined Honours Arts, which basically involves choosing three subjects in the first year, then quitting one at the end of the first year (ie: last June) and continuing with the two remaining subjects for the rest of the degree.

I chose history, american studies and spanish, and dropped the american studies in June.
I was let on to the Spanish course as an exception, as I don’t have an A level language, I got the highest grade in GCSE French, but that was four years ago, and I only just scraped by with my English.

I love my Spanish course. I love learning the grammar and translating and I love the systematic way the words work on paper.
My major problem is the conversation, the speaking largely. I find that as I've only been learning for one year, it requires so much reading of body language, facial expression, tone of voice, and I really really struggle with it.
In fact, I'd say I hate it.

Apparently, this course includes a compulsory year abroad, and the basics have to be finalised by November.
I know it could be an amazing experience, & I’m worried that this is just first-week-back-at-university-course-panic, but I also know what I feel inside, which is that I really don't want to do this.

For the first time in my life I'm comfortable with where I'm living, and there's a certain amount of security and safety. I want that. I don't want to pick up and move again in less than a year.
I feel like theres so much still to explore, that I could spend days in one park because it changes every day.

I feel like I should just take some time to get back into the swing of things here again, but I have a limited amount of time before I actually have to start applying places, and I’m freaking out.

On top of everything, realistically, I’m not sure if I’m healthy enough, or how stable I will be in a years time. If I’m going to change anything, I’m aware of the fact that I need some consitent therapy, which I’ve never really had, and close monitoring with meds. As soon as you tell anyone in the nhs you’re moving/leaving/slightly unpredictable, they can’t do anything for you. I’ve already been referred to at least 15 different mental health professionals in the last four years, not counting the people I saw in hospital. I’m not getting anywhere

I want a life. I want a course that I enjoy and I will enjoy for the duration of it. I want a stable home. I want help and I want to work towards being healthy.
I will go to the welfare place in the guild and talk to them, I will go to my course supervisor, I’ll even go to my personal tutor if I can remember his name, and I will speak to my doctor about a possible diagnosis for AS

But it’s still so tempting to just ignore it all and hope it goes away.

I'm impressed if anyone actually got this far,
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Yes, I would say wait as long as you can since this might be early school year jitters and if by the time your decision absolutely has to be made and you are still very uncomfortable with doing it, don't go.

In our language courses over here it isn't compulsory to go abroad though it is highly recommended. For the very reasons you stated, I would not dare to go.

If you truly feel you know yourself well enough that your extreme anxiety over this issue is truly justified, then trust yourself.

Is there any way to still take the courses even without going abroad???

Thanks both for your replies...
I think waiting for as long as possible to see if its just temporary nervousness is a good idea.

I know in many ways going away could be good for me, but I also know that I can go abroad, I have travelled before and enjoyed it, but I felt ready to do it then.

I'm not sure if I can still do the same courses, I would say it was unlikely, but I am going to try and speak to someone about it next week, just to see what my options would be.