Hitting my head on a wall.

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Hiya everyone!

My name is Maria and i feel helpless about my 15 year old daughter, Hayley. Since Hayleys traumatic birth i have always thought of her as quirky and whenever she did something others would look at me funny for, i would explain it away with, oh that's just Hayley as i didn't know anything different. At 3 her bedroom was spotless, if i moved one thing she would know and play merry hell at me. She has never been a touchy feely person and as she has gotten older she has secluded herself even more.
I went to her school fearing she isn't socialising as much as she should as she was coming home very introverted and didn't meet her friends outside school.. Infact the only time she goes out is to go to school. The school suggested she may be slightly autistic. Looking back on everything i wouldn't be shocked if that was the case and it would explain a hell of alot. She won't look at anyone and yells at me if i look at her while talking to her, she is a fantastic artist and gamer to the point she wants to be a concept artist in the gaming industry. She hates human contact, her hugs are literally arms on my shoulders with a huge space between our bodies and i cannot remember the last time she kissed me with her lips ( i have to kiss her cheek ) as she says it hurts. She tries to second guess my mood through my speech rather than my facial expressions, ie i could be watching a tv show, she will say something and if i answer quick she will assume i am angry.
She is clumsy and can't tell the time properly, the whole concept of time is alien to her yet she can very efficiently play some arcade shootem up on the fastest lvl with the greatest of ease. She has no repetative behaviour yet has her obssession with her teeth, bugs and germs. She is very bright so i guess she would be a high functioning AS?
I went to the doctors with a huge list of things i have noticed that isn't quite right and he is referring her to a psychologist and i fear she might be given counselling sessions rather than looking into if she has AS or not.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Love Maria

xxx

I am very sad about you problem, and all I can say is try to get help for your child and yourself.

It sounds as if you are having a tough time also. Read everything you can on AS. I wish you luck.

When you see the doctor, it might help to list the things you have told us here, EnglishRose. By introducing this list during her evaluation, and directly asking that she be tested for AS, it may help you get to a diagnoses quickly. I think it's easier for children to get tested, than it is for adults. Good luck!

P.S. I love the name Hayley!

Welcome English, I hope you can find some of the help you need here.

I agree with what's been said. Tell the psychologist what you've told us, and be sure to give as DETAILED and SPECIFIC information as you can to him/her regarding your daughters behavior. The more info your psychologist has early on, the better.

Good luck! Keep us posted!

Hi EnglishRose,

welcome to WP.

I am only a year older than your daughter now, and was diagnosed when I was 15.
I can say that if you know that there is something "not quite right" with her, she probably does as well. People in that age [especially females] are generally very social and if you aren't...well, you can actually start to wonder what is wrong with you, and this thought playing on your mind for a long time is NOT pleasant.
Have you spoken to your daughter about what the school said? [that she is possibly slightly autistic].

Anyway, I hope that you and your daughter get all the help that you need. If you want to, introduce her to this site. She may benefit from it, she may not...but in the end, it's worth a try.

Thank you so much for all your replies, it's very comforting, like the clouds are shifting! Hayley is aware and when i wrote a list for our GP in the first instance i let her read it. After all i wish to have no secrets from her as they can end up causing more problems than her behaviour. Hayley doesn't think there is anything wrong with her ... it's everyone else who is strange.
I am still waiting for an appointment to come through for the Psychologist so i might pester them on the phone and see if i can push something through. Referring to my initial post, when i visited the school the Pastoral did a round robin to all her teachers for some feedback on her behaviour. Nothing was noticed out of the ordinary, just the fact she was quiet which makes me think, well if she is quiet they wouldn't really notice her in a classroom of rowdy kids? She has one to ones with her form tutor about life after school which he was doing with all the class, she couldn't wait to get away and he said she looked painfully shy as she wouldn't look at him. Maybe there isn't as much awareness in places like that as there should be, ie the teachers. Also, she has no dress sense at all, preferring to wear boys clothes ( i don't mind that ) but she will wear things inside out and feel that it is quite normal. *giggles*
I will definately stick around and keep you guys updated and i will try to get her to have a look around.
Thank you for making us feel welcome and i wish all of you all the best!

Love Maria

xxx

Nice to meet you, Maria .

English Rose Maria-- where do you live? If you live in Canada or America, your daughter could go to Digipen and get a great job in the gaming industry.
My oldest son designs game levels for Guild Wars. He used to be lead artist at Outrage but the company was purchased and then closed. Oh, he did not go to Digipen. He went to a commercial art school and then privately tutored in computer art.
My middle son programmed for Amaze and now 5th Cell.
Being a tumbling type of industry can make it difficult for those on the spectrum but as you see my sons found it easy to jump from one company to another. And spectrum traits are easily tolerated.
I see a great future for your daughter. Problems, yeah, but we all have them, however we're wired. You might enjoy reading Emergence:labelled autism, and Thinking in Pictures, both by Temple Grandin.

I wish I could talk to her a bit. When I was a teenager my mother mentioned that she did not trust a certain neighbor because she would not look her in the eyes. That stunned me. I did not look in people's eyes because it hurt too much. Not physically, but in a way I could not describe. Brain scientists recently discovered why. Most people when eye gaze is engaged have brain signals in the limbic system. In autistic people, the brain signals go straight to the amygdala, causing panic.
Back to my mom's statement: I decided I did not want people to distrust me so I had better learn to look at people's eyes. I started painful practice. Even at my wedding I found it hard to bear the gaze of my loving husband but I persisted. I don't remember when it quit hurting, but I think it may have been in my late twenties or early thirties. At age 55 I have no trouble at all looking into people's eyes.
In the book, Sound of a Miracle, no, wait, oh phooey, the aphasia is kicking in again. Anyway, I met the girl of that book who is now married to an engineer and lives near here, and she told me she hated to look in people's eyes because she thought people could read her mind if she did.

And Maria, is blonde normal or is brunette normal? I think your daughter is normal. She does need to learn coping mechanisms to be more comfortable and to get along with the other normals who don't think they need to cope.

Sadly i live in England but i found your story fascinating and i would love to get her to talk to you. I told her about this forum this morning when she got up, she answered with a grunt and simply refuses to believe anything is different about her. I'm at my wits end, if she doesn't think there is anything and it's everyone around her with problems, how can i help her? going off her behaviour and what i know she is like i took a test on her behalf and scored 40-50 on the autism one ... it might be slightyly high due to presuming but the questions were very easy to answer from living with her I ask her why she won't look at me and she just argues that she doesn't have to. My, she has always been a stubborn one! i read a post that someone can't stand denim somewhere? nor can Hayley, she last wore jeans when she was about 6 and didn't have much choice. Thank you Lelia, i feel reading the posts on here is validating what i have a gut feeling about - Hayley is an Aspie! If only she would listen to me

I think I missed something. What is it you are trying to tell your daughter that she is not listening to?

You ought to go to the parent forum and read the top two stickies. As one with recently realized Asperger's and a parent of one with asperger's and one with autism plus I found the replies fascinating.

Hi and welcome to WP!

Everyone else who's strange. Well, what can I say. I thought that for years too.

Sounds like your daughter has an awesome mother though. Much luck!

Welcome to the forum, Maria!!

I agree with Sora, I believe Hayley will be alright because she has such a wonderful mother looking out for her.

This might be due to skin sensitivity. By reversing her clothing, the seams can't rub against her skin. Also, I have found that clothing designed for boys is more comfortable, because they don't have annoying features like gatherings, ruffles, and tightness where you don't want it. And plenty of pockets! I personally like men's flannel shirts, men's sandals, some knit shirts, and even slacks. So, her dress sense makes "sense" to her.

You guys are fantastic! I have learnt so much in the 24 hours i have been on here! I can see she isn't so different as she is very much like a lot of you wonderful people
At least if she doesn't want to talk to me then i can ask you all about anything i don't understand
I told her the joke about the man eating shark from the humour thread, she didn't get it which i guessed she wouldn't so it made me chuckle a bit more.
Lelia i guess what i meant was i was trying to talk to her about how she may have Asperger's and she doesn't want to listen to me, she walks off and she even cried earlier ... because i asked her about her no eye contact thing, she just point blank refuses to talk to me about how she feels. She is a wonderful person and i don't want to make things harder for her so i guess this will be our secret on here, hehe
I've just got back from my brother-in-laws house, Hayley didn't want to come but that didn't surprise me so i will look at them links on the parents section you recommended for me now, Thank you

Love Maria

xxxxx

I remember asking my asperger's son how he felt and first he would look desperate and then his lips would quiver because he did not know how he felt and he COULDN'T tell me. Being a slow learner, it took me a while to learn to quit doing that to him.

And that feeling I got when I looked in people's eyes, only now at age 55 can I describe it I think as anxious. Before, I said it hurt even though that wasn't the right word but it was the closest I could think of at the time. Even now it takes me a long time to recognize when I am anxious even as I am wandering a room and picking things up and putting them down and looking out the window and picking things up but I can't figure out what I should be doing now and I set them down again and pace. It generally isn't until I'm in the car and driving away and where am I driving? I don't know, that I recognize that I'm anxious.