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ASPERGERSJOHN
Deinonychus
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29 Mar 2008, 2:17 pm

As you can probably tell by my username i suffer from Aspergers Syndrome.
But i have now got a girlfriend who i love so much and we really get on well together however i have not told her about my Aspergers and i am thinking if i should tell her or not bother???
I have never been in a relationship like this before so i am really not sure how to go about everything.

Any help would be appeciated

Thanks



LePetitPrince
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29 Mar 2008, 2:23 pm

what are the benefits if you tell her?



olle
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29 Mar 2008, 4:53 pm

This is an interesting question. What are the reasons not to tell? Why not tell her so that she gets to know. Maybe she would find AS interesting. Maybe not. I don't have any answers, I'm just speculating.



DeGenisis
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29 Mar 2008, 4:58 pm

Don't tell her.



weather1man
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29 Mar 2008, 5:31 pm

DeGenisis wrote:
Don't tell her.


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AndersTheAspie
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29 Mar 2008, 6:19 pm

How long have you known her? At least let her get to know you (See that you are not Rainman) before you tell her.
I think many people benifit from being told, makes them stop wondering why you sometimes do such strange things.

Be careful though; depending on how long you waite to tell her, she might get the ide that you don't trust her, or that you are ashamed of it.


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Midnite
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31 Mar 2008, 1:28 pm

I am a NT. I met a really nice man, through a friend at dinner, a year ago. We have emailed since, no phone calls or get togethers.

He has never mentioned to me that he has Aspergers but through some of his mannerisms and words in emails I suspect that he has Aspergers. I don't know if he knows for sure but I feel he does. Certain words that I use seem to upset him (like this past weekend).

If I could talk to him I would let him know what those mannerisms and words are that keyed me into suspecting or knowing that he has Asperger's which is no problem for me. I could help him refrain from those mannerisms and words in the future to avoid others picking up on it like me if that is what he would like. I could be a very good friend and sounding board for him. I know he trusts me. He tells me what an honest and great friendship we have. All I want is to help him and continue to be his friend.

I feel you should do the honest thing and tell her. Communication is the key. Some words that I say upset him and some words that he says upset me but it is just our own (aspie or NT) interpretations.

I have gotten onto this site to try to better understand him. Your girlfriend could do the same.

I feel for you. I am afraid to mention it to the man I like very much. I'm afraid I may push him away (like I did this weekend) but I could be his best friend.

Do the honest thing, John, and tell her. If she leaves you, remember, she will be the one missing a very good thing.



UtukXul
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31 Mar 2008, 1:35 pm

Midnite, that last statement is very misleading.. Not only would she miss out on a very good thing if she left, John will miss out on possibly a great relationship (which is rare among people with AS) as well, which isnt fair at all.. My advice to him is to just be careful about bringing up that subject.. If he chooses to bring it up at all.



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31 Mar 2008, 2:25 pm

Don't tell her.


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LePetitPrince
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31 Mar 2008, 3:45 pm

Don't tell her. There's no benefits for that , it's even better to let her thinks that you are somewhat unsocial geek than making her thinks that you have some kind of complex and seeking emphasizing and excuses by creating a fictive disorder.



UtukXul
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31 Mar 2008, 7:35 pm

Yeah, most DOCTORS barely know what it is, I doubt she would understand in time to give you a chance. When most NT people think "aspie" or "autism" they think: "some kind of ret*d".. You definitely dont want her to think that about you.



Bopkasen
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31 Mar 2008, 8:46 pm

ASPERGERSJOHN wrote:
As you can probably tell by my username i suffer from Aspergers Syndrome.
But i have now got a girlfriend who i love so much and we really get on well together however i have not told her about my Aspergers and i am thinking if i should tell her or not bother???
I have never been in a relationship like this before so i am really not sure how to go about everything.

Any help would be appreciated

Thanks


Keep it a secret or wait just substitute with intelligent syndrome.

I have intel processor Xeon Quad, will you accept me? Press Y for Yes or N for No.

It a half an half. Do it if you think she compassionate otherwise don't.



Lordnarfington
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01 Apr 2008, 10:35 am

In my view, we shouldn't hide who we are. Unless she's in a coma or you're the perfect actor, she has to know by now you don't act like a "normal" person. So if simply giving her the name of your pattern of behavior makes her reject you, then she is probably not worthy of you.



JohnHopkins
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01 Apr 2008, 11:20 am

How long have you been together? Because the sooner the better, but you don't want to scare her off.

She needs to know eventually. If she's any kind of a woman, she'll be sympathetic and take it into account. But if you don't tell her quickly enough, she might feel betrayed and not trust you.



aaronrey
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01 Apr 2008, 11:56 am

tell her. if she dumps you because you have AS, she's not good enough for you. if she really cares for you, she will accept you for who you are.



Caroline677
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02 Apr 2008, 4:35 pm

I don't understand the difference between telling her you have AS and just having AS. She's probably noticed and just doesn't know what to call it-- it's not as if owning up to it would make you different in any respect.

Anyone of reasonable intelligence should realize this.