Why does everybody ask me IF I have a job?

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Hello, I'm a 21 year old male who has been unemployed since leaving highschool 3 and a half years ago. I have a question for you guys that is really bothering me. For the past few years I have always been getting people asking me IF I have a job. They don't ask me WHAT I do for a living. I don't know if this is because people figure that I'm stupid, or if they figure that I'm lazy or what but it REALLY bothers me. In fact, it made me feel depressed and suicidal for a long time because I felt hopeless after being asked that same question from so many people. I figure that if people are asking me IF I have a job they must just assume that I don't have a job. They are not confident enough to think that I have a job so they ask me IF I have a job... There could be an explanation for this though. Upon leaving high school I still hung out with a few friends. Out of all these friends that I still had, most knew that I was unemployed, and they knew that I was unemployed for quite a while. Possibly people were asking me IF I had a job since I was unemployed for a prolonged amount of time after leaving high school? I dunno, whatever the reason is, it still offends me beyond belief. I swear that whenever I get asked If I have a job I feel like punching the person right in the face. I've been asked by cousins, old friends of mine, one of my neighbors, various friends of friends... One thing that I should note though is that of all of the people that I've been asked by, they all know me from some connection (from a friend of mine, cousin, etc). Nobody that I've been asked by has been a stranger (thank god, that would make me even more mad and feel even more hopeless). Because of being asked this question so damn often I have just avoided going out at all, I'm downright sick of it and I feel harassed. I live in a small town and I couldn't go up town without some idiot asking me IF I have a job. Have any of you guys had something similar happen to you? Do you think that these people ask me IF I have a job because they heard that I was unemployed for a while? Also, would you guys feel offended if you got asked IF you had a job? Is it normal for me to feel offended? Thanks.



Th

I don't think them asking you if you have a job or not is because they think you're stupid or something, they are just curious about you and they want to know what you do for a living. I have asked other people if they have jobs because I wanted to know more about them, others have asked me the same and what I do in my job.

Are you a student? If you are, tell them it's because you're in school. I don't think that be lying. Lot of students don't work while they're in school. My brother isn't working but he will in the summer again.
Some students have a job on the campus though.


I don't know if it's normal or not to feel offended by the question. It could be caused by having low self esteem.
I don't get offended when asked. I've always seen it as them wanting to know what I do with my life because they want to get to know me. Part of social skills.

You don't get it though. I'm being asked IF I have a job, not "what I do for a living". Most people in this world get asked "what do you do for a living"? They don't get asked IF they have a job. I tried explaining this to someone else before but they said the same thing you said. I wouldn't be offended if people would ask me what I do for a living, but when they ask me IF I have a job they are just assuming that I don't have a job, and it really really makes me angry. After I'm asked this I will usually go home and start smashing stuff in my house, that's how bad it bothers me.

These are the reasons why it bothers me:

1. People assume that I don't have a job when they ask "IF" I have a job, which is offending.
2. I don't like to be reminded that I don't have a job because if I didn't have anxiety I would be in a workforce and be living a normal life.
3. It's a display of ignorance and it's downright rude.
4. I am a shy guy so they don't care if they ask me this because they know I probably won't attack them physically or verbally if they ask me this.

Those are just some reasons why this makes me hysterical. I've mainly been isolated because of this problem, it makes me angry like you wouldn't believe. I don't understand why some people don't understand why it bothers me so much... Surely there must be other people out there who get bothered by this question.

I am only bothered by that question when I don't have a job.

Merle

I thought the question they were asking was "Do you have a job?"

I guess I really don't understand

According to your profile, you're only 21 and people with AS often look young for their age too. Isn't it a possibility that these people think you may be in full time formal education? University or college or something? and that's why they may be asking? I mean, you may be right, they might just be jerks who think you're incapable. But just keep in mind that they might have other reasons for using those words. Try not to jump to conclusions or you'll end up taking offence to absolutely everything and that ain't good, believe me.

With someone your age, I'd probably ask "Are you working or do you go to school?"

What exact words are folks saying when they're talking to you? I think it's probably just folks trying to find something to converse about.

Yeah I kept on being asked and nagged until I got a job and now there all nice to me, sums it up.

When I was unemployed for a bit, I was being asked if I have a job and I'd say "not right now" and they ask me why and I tell them why. I said "I moved" and I tell them I was quitting because I was moving and then I got laid off and they ask me more questions like where did I move to. I never took offense.

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You sum up a lot of my own personal rage on this issue. Yes I agree with you if people keep asking if you have a job all the time they are not doing it to be social they are just being stuck- up and making themselves feel superior to you. As if being employed is the greatest achievement one can accomplish in life and that you are not even considered a person unless someones sends you a check on a weekly basis in exchange for your "labor". Sounds like a bunch of mindless prostituition to me but most people can't even define what they are without first listing off their job title. I have an uncle who I hate seeing every holiday because every holiday he asks if I have found a job yet. What pisses me the most off about it is that the people who tend to ask me that question don't even know me but just know about be. I have a lot of interests and even when I am employed it is only a small part of my life. I am not one of those who lives for my job. Even when I am employed I don't like to talk about my job so if I were you I would just avoid the subject when it comes up or only socialize with those who get you and not the image of you.

Being unemployed for long periods of time is not something a lot of people choose to understand or have dealt with on a personal level. People are just going to be heartless pigs about it because it scares the hell out of them the idea of ever being unemployed for a long period of time.

I'm GLAD that someone else feels the same way I do about this! All I'm ever asked anymore is "do you have a job"? "Do you work"? "Are you employed"? Leave me alone! To be honest with you, I don't even really understand why most people even ask each other what they do for a living. It doesn't mean anything what someone does for a living. I'ts just a stupid outdated "traditional" question that's been left over from hundreds of years ago. Wouldn't it make more sense to ask a person upon meeting them what kind of personality they have? What they do for fun? What their favourite hobbies are? Asking a person what they do for a living is like asking a person "will I approve of you, or will I not"?. It's a really narrow-minded outdated question. Another thing that bothers me is why does society just assume that everyone has a job? Haven't people seen any figures and realized that (depending on your country) a lot of people are unemployed? When a person is unemployed it's usually due to illness, but society likes to ignore that fact and just assume that all unemployed people are lazy outcasts. A lot of people with aspergers must feel like they are in an awkward situation when someone asks them "what they do for a living".


A lot of you people out there will probably think I'm silly, but I don't think anything that I stated above is silly at all. It's just thinking that is possibly way ahead of my time.

Well people are nosey. Alot of NT's just want to get to know you. Also people wanna know how much money you have. If you have a good job they figure you have alot of money.

On a related note, this forum offends me because it's called "Work and Finding a job" rather than "Work and Jobs."

Plenty of people in the 18-22 age bracket get asked this. I see it all the time. It's not rude, it's simply a NT way of making conversation. You're overreacting since you don't have a job; you're taking it as an attack. It's not.

Perhaps your second sentence above is the answer. People see high unemployment figures, so they ask IF you have a job. Maybe if the perception was very low to no unemployment, they'd ask you what your job is.

Perhaps they ask you because they have a perception of you as someone who doesn't have a job. Like do they see you always running around town goofing off? Do you dress super-slobby? Do you comb your hair? Are you covered in tattoos or visible piercings? Do you always talk about doing a lot of activities, traveling around a lot or playing video games all day that might lead people to wonder how on earth you could do all that and work?

Get used to it though because people will ask you that the rest of your adult life. If you visit a new church, go on a first date, meet someone from a personal ad the first words out of their mouth is always "where do you work?".

PS: I only mentioned tattoos and piercing not as a judgement only that people with those have told me its hard to get people to hire them if they have either. Other people know this too so they judge anyone with body mods as non-working.

Sometimes it's just out of ignorance,and habit, that people ask that.A much better "icebreaker" I think is "So what do you do with the days ?" I try to say that.When I talk to people.Which is not often.