Can I get your opinion of some of my poetry?

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The Opposite of Small


What are emotions?

Emotions cannot be seen

Nor can they be described

For it is such a wide spectrum with two very far poles with so much inbetween

How can they call it bipolar?

No one ever truly is at the poles

we just jump around so rapidly from so very near one to the other

Making our life feel like it is full of so many holes

How can they expect you to answer when they ask how are you feeling?

How can they expect us to explain

How can they expect us describe these feelings

When they don't even have a name

There arent enough combination of letters

to spell out enough words

to name all these feelings

and even if there were who could remember them all

because the spectrum of emotions is the opposite of small


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My Obsession

By: Laura Z.

I have an obsession
It's very important to me
It's right up there with air
My Obsession
It's driving me crazy
And I think I'm nearly there
My Obsession
I feel like I can not live without it
Yet it makes my life so jumbled
What is that you called me?
What is that you mumbled?
"I called you Loony" they said"
But that just makes my obsession greater
"Why thank you" I say
"You know there's a character with that name"
"Oh no!" they cry "Not again"
My Obsession
Going back to the story
You wouldn't believe what it caused
When I finally meet someone
Who likes this "thing" as much as I do
After hearing the next part you will probably think I'm cuckoo
I like him so much I feel he's perfect for me
Wait a second . I'm only 14 and in 4 ½ years he will be 33
He's my English teacher
And he's nearly twice my age
Though I feel its true love my parents say it's just a phase
Then how come he's in my dreams at night
If either my parents or him knew what was in some of those dreams they
would be in fright
My Obsession
Its making my world spin around and around
Then suddenly it stops and I fall down to the ground
I have an obsession
It's very important to me
It's right up there with air
This obsession is driving me crazy
And I think I'm nearly there
My Obsession
Then again this thing I'm obsessed with
It's keeping me sane
This thing I'm obsessed with It has a name
Harry Potter


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WARNING!! GRAPHIC!! !! !! !! !! !! !!

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(No Title)


All this Pain

I can no longer keep it inside

All this f****n pain

No longer can I let it hide

I want my box cutter back

So I can make more lines on my arm

No I dont

I dont want want to do any more self harm

I just want to be free

free from this agony

My heart is full of holes

But its in better condition than my soul

My soul is torn

ripped

destroyed beyond repair

Life isnt worth it any more

The pain is still there

the more i keep it in side

the more its eats me away

more and more i just need to say

i need help

why wont you believe me

mommy stop yelling at me

i didnt do anything to you

why r u adding to my pain

I just need to get away

Last edited by Ravenclawgurl on 16 Apr 2008, 3:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Just typical dull angst poetry.

Try some colour and wit in your next stuff if you want to be angstsy.

Fields of flowers, crooning robins
Shallow meadow, opening in the woods


And just work with that, then get ironic with it.

I loved it ! ! It made me feel like I was floating on top of the ocean slowly bobbing and down , I know that is a very descriptive response. But it seemed to flow very well from the first word to the last word. I think if you can accomplish that in poetry then you have a lot of talent! As well as the rhyming structure you did a very good job conveying what you wanted to say . I find this the hardest to do. A lot of people will be critical of your work , if you think they have something productive to say to improve your work thats great! Otherwise just don't listen. My sister says when I sing it hurts her ears because I sing like crap and my voice is piercing but I don't let it get to me . So don't let people get to you either! keep writing its good ! !!

btw you like harry potter books?

what about lord of the rings ?

A crass and highly unfortunate way of putting it, but he has a point.

This is well written, but as far as subject matter and imagery, it's relatively standard fare, particularly the third one. I'm sorry, babe. You clearly have a flair for writing poetry in general though. Try shifting your focus to other subjects and seeing what comes of it.