How to correct inaccurate Gossip that has been spread around

Post Reply New Topic

Gossip and Lies have spread to the new city I am at, from the old city I was living in... I made the mistake of going to a club where a handful of people attended that were from the old city I had lived in.. One of the reasons I left that old city was because of inaccurate gossip being spread about me... People whisper and exclude me and they don't even know me!! ! They believe any negative gossip or idea that others might have about me because I am different... they whisper and point and God knows what they are saying... I have an idea how one misunderstanding might have occurred, but I don't know how to correct it..

Once a misunderstand happens and gossip starts, it never seems to end --- I feel that things are now tainted in this new city.. more people are starting to spread gossip in the new town and whisper based upon lies that they heard from people in another town... will it ever end??? or does it just continue and get worse like a disease or virus spreading??? to every town I go to? All it takes is ONE person to start talking as if what they are saying is fact and others will immediately believe whatever negative thing they say because I am different...

I've thought about writing an original song about being misunderstood and singing it on open mic nights even though I don't sing real well -- just to get the point across... ???

I don't know how to fix this situation... any ideas?

This is horrible and there is very little you can do about it. The passage of time helps when people grow up a little or experience suffering of some kind in their own lives. Thats how it is.

Our family suffered for years when a neighbour spread gossip about us and a few others at every opportunity; we were isolated and made scapegoats for a few years, if anything went wrong, it was supposedly down to us. After a few years, we heard that there had been people before us that the person had lied about and had the nasty person lived, there would have been others after us.

These kinds of people rarely change in a hurry but they often do move on to pick on others and that may not be the ideal solution, but you just have to hope your turn is short.

Wish I had something more hopeful to say, I really do. I suppose I could roll out the usual stuff like just ignore them, but I know from experience, that this can be impossible if its ongoing and frequent.

I hope you find places to go where at least you can move freely and in peace.

I have also had a lot of gossip spread around about me, and I can't find much to do about it either other than live my life the way I always have, as who I am, not who other people might want to make people think I am.

I also found an important thing to know is that if someone tells lies about you, yes it can affect you because people treat you different if they believe it. But at the same time, it's not you they're lying about, just an illusion of you they have in their heads. Somehow I find that comforting to know that they don't know who I am, they are doing the equivalent emotionally of beating up on a decoy of their own creation.

And as for gossip, I really found Donna Williams's advice invaluable in some ways:

This is a large part of the reason why I high-tailed it out of the little rural Minnesota town (population of just over 500 people) I grew up in. There is no privacy, any behavior that the community considers "deviant" or "odd" usually ends up as a subject of gossip. Small, rural communities are often little police states, and anyone who violates the unwritten taboos of the community gets shunned. This happened to the town's liberal Lutheran pastor, who became shunned as a "fag-lover" when he criticized homophobia in a sermon and lost his job soon after.

I'm a musician and moved to a new city to try and play music again... The last city I was in, I wasn't allowed to play because I was shut out of their cliques and gossip started that wasn't true.. Years prior in another town, I had been able to take part in bands and play out in clubs and really enjoyed that and I hope to have that again...

Now, that I have moved to a new city, it has been difficult getting to know people.. but slowly, I have been able to find people to jam with and hoped to get with a band again.. I've also been learning more about music production and the business end.. I'm in a "music mecca" type town.. The fact that a few people have showed up from the old town's music scene and are spreading lies about me is deadly to me here....

I don't know what to do...... I made the mistake of telling a few people where I was heading before I left the old town -- that was another mistake.. I can only hope to keep playing music and avoid those people.. I've thought of changing my name and my look and everything.. I may have to move again ultimately... we'll see .. I won't tell anyone where I'm heading this time either if I have to move again.. -- but there's only so many music towns out there

I appreciate your thoughts and advice. Maybe, in time, it will get better.. I won't be going back to that particular club.. for a long time.. anyway... I think If only I could get my chance and be part of a successful band (one that plays out regularly, not necessarily stardom) that wouldn't care what gossip is around, then I would be respected and maybe then, people might start to think what they heard might not be true..

I've played for over 10 years, mostly in that original city from years ago.. I might end up having to move back there though.. we'll see... All this pain is because of just a few people.. but it's spread... and has no truth to it, but everyone who hears it in this new town will believe it... they have no reason not to.. they don't know me.. but neither do the people spreading the gossip...

Gossip sucks. There's not much you can do about it. I've had my fair share of gossip to deal with. The most you can do is, if anyone asks you something regarding that gossip, tell them the truth, and keep a good impression going so that it will gradually die out.

That's terrible that it had to travel to your new town! Well, good luck with it, stay strong!

I don't have any answers for you, but if you find the magic solution I'm sure many here would like to know. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Ignore it / any true friend will / if that isn't possible just maintaining your maturity will go a long way to dispel any false rumors.