The best laid plans...

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My entire life I've been trying to plan things out so that I'd be on top. My entire life I've thought ahead thinking of scenario's that would lead me to a generally good financial/physical place. But to this point in my life not a single think has gone as planned. Because of social issues, not a single one of my plans have worked out. I'm twenty years old, and I've got butt-kiss to show.


I started thinking about it this morning when I got up to go to my new job... The TV was on and lo and behold Inuyasha. I intensely dislike Inuyasha, its not anything wrong with the show. Its the fact that it was the absolute favorite show of the only girlfriend I've ever had. Whenever I watch it I think of her.


The girl was intensely obsessed with it. I was mildly interested, I thought it was cool at first but after about the first season or so it gets really monotonous.


A month before now this time last year we broke up. Because I had to open my stupid mouth. I wasn't sure whether I was going to leave the Army, I hated it... But I hated even more the situation my family was in. I considered staying in for the singular reason of getting my family out of that situation. I told her that, and she told me that she had waited so long for me, that I was being selfish that if I did not tell her for sure that I wasn't going to do such a thing, it was over.


Going on a friends advice I broke up with her. He told me that I need to do whats right for myself and that if the girl couldn't respect that and didn't even consider a way to make it work out that she was being the selfish one. It was probably for the best, but on those lonely nights I really miss her (and lately most nights are lonely).


That got me thinking, what else have I let slip away because of the decisions I've made. I've changed so much, and frankly I don't think for the better. I used to have college aspirations, now I just wish I could afford an apartment. I live in my cousins house because his parents are the only ones that don't mind having me around. Me and my cousin are talking about when we save up some money moving to a state where things are cheaper so that we can afford an apartment (in the area I'm living in apartments start at 900 a month).


I don't know what I'm doing in m life. I barely have a job, no girlfriend, most of my family has forsaken me... I only have some vague plan about moving to a place where the cost of living is more reasonable. I don't have a career plan, I don't know what I want to do, heck I'd start college when I got to this place (won't be for at least a year from now) but I really have no idea what I want to do. I feel like I'm lost in life.

hmmmp! your 20 years old. You have your whole life ahead of you.

Planning is good, just concerntrate on completing small things rather than big things I guess.

Also make some decisions about things.

Good luck

Planning things, my bane and my fortune.

You sure aren't alone here and sometimes we plan things so thoroughly it can freeze us in our tracks. Procrastination. It's like we see all possible outcomes, we map it all and sometimes don't act for fear of the failure. That you act on your plans is very very positive. Keep at it.

It took me a long time to understand that my failure's weren't really failure's at all. I learned at every try. The most successful, kinda, was when I let my heart guide me, my obsessions. It wasn't so much the struggle as other attempts at other things. I was relaxed and wrapped up in it. Not that I had a lot of choice, it was an all consuming obsession, but I didn't need to keep taking it higher in the sense of actually getting paid to do it. I was so damned good at putting the plans together, the puzzles, the parts, I excelled in what I was doing. And damned if it wasn't fun, I've done it all my life. And yeah I understand you're not looking at money as the end goal in all of this. But the principle is still the same.

When you're into what you like and are all relaxed and enjoying it, sometime you're going to look up and see someone looking at what you are. No plan involved, it just happened. But you did it, you got up and did it and for a past failure to keep you down, really is a failure. They might knock me down, but at some point I'm going to do it again and be a little smarter than the time before.

I met my wife when I noticed she was looking at I was. She still had to hit me over the head that she wasn't just looking at the objects of our attention anymore. When I did realize it, I forgot to ask her to marry me, I assumed she just knew it. She had to ask. Yeah, she had a plan and it probably was a good thing. But if I had had one, I'd have never have been there, I'd still have been home procrastinating. All those damn choices, so I said screw it and just did what I wanted to.

That you act on your plans is very very positive. Keep at it.

Failure is just a snap shot in time from a point of perspective.