I'm Still Confused

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Damnit! I need an electronic translation device to understand women!

I keep getting mixed signals. She sometimes tells me I'm disgusting, but it could be in a joking manner. I still don't know how to flirt, and don't give me any shi*t about it coming "naturally". If I ever do flirt, I really don't know I am. I honestly don't know what she thinks of me. She just recently unblocked me on AIM (long story), so she might be interested in me. Or my reminders and daily apologies finally got to her. She says she's kind of annoyed by the fact that I talk to her on AIM like I'm the only person she's talking to. And...she usually is. I've said it before, but I'm normally better at conversations with women. I just don't know how to flirt or interpret any seemingly romantic gestures. I once saw a scene on TV in which the girl was flirting with a boy, and when she was done he said "Is 6 alright?"...I had no idea what was going in that entire scene. I couldn't tell if it ws romantic or playful, and I'm having this trouble in real life now. If I could just learn how to be suddle about asking her out, I'd be happy. Because this is the kind of person that may take bluntness as rude, and I tend to be very blunt. Sudlty is not my strong point, but I wish I knew how it all worked. I'm so confused right now.

First of all, and if you were an NT I'd tell you to know that I'm saying this just matter-of-factly and not to be rude (but thank goodness you're one of us!) -- the word you called "suddle" is spelled "subtle", the other word is spelled "subtlety".

Mainly I just wanted to say good luck with the women. I'm not saying it'll be easy. I actually learned much of what I know about how to flirt with my husband from watching sitcoms. I'm not the kind of person who usually endorses that anyone watch more TV, but sitcoms have actually taught me a lot about human interaction. For flirting, and expressing sexuality, I like Will and Grace. That doesn't work well for a hetero man, I know, but since I'm a woman, I would watch the character "Karen", who is very comfortable with herself. Friends has enough characters in it that you can usually relate with one or two of them, but there weren't that many relationships in it. I like Smallville now, but I hate the unsuccessful Clark / Lana relationship, so that wouldn't really work, but you get my drift. I find an example, tv show, or movie, or other guys who are successful daters, and just watch, and memorize, as if it was a new language.

One thing I know from watching people, is that even if much of their made up stuff doesn't make any sense to me, I know it's real to them, so I try to respect that. I just memorize the "rules" of interaction that I see, and replay them the best I can. For example, I compliment people a lot, and say hi and bye, etc., and I smile at people sometimes. None of this is necessary, or even beneficial to me, it actually takes a lot of energy and I have to go home and rest alone afterwords, but I know it's important to them. It's my way of "translating" myself to them.

As far as "flirting", humor worked best with myself and my husband. Try to steer her away from sarcasm, it's the worst and will just stress you out faster. One thing about subtlety in asking her out that I was taught as a teenager, is to ask as if it didn't matter as much as it really does. It's all acting, see. But it's not a bad thing. Don't be afraid to do some acting, to translate yourself into NT speak, so that she understands. There's nothing wrong with it. It's something you can do to show you care. So, ask her out -- pretending to be casual, perhaps with several options such as days or activities. I would say don't worry about trying to be subtle, it's not that important. Rather, (and maybe this is the same thing to them, I don't know) I would maintain the illusion that she isn't your whole world. I know that she probably is, but it seems she may not be ready to know that, so just try to not mention that part, and not show it whenever you can think of a way to not show it, and you'll be just fine.

My advice to you is to do your best.

I asked what she thought of...but I forgot how much of a open question that is and she got confused. I did this all online by the way. She was confused by the question and asked what I meant by it. I'll just post the converstaion.

She finds you to be a weird person, but fun to hang around with. You pursued her on the "ret*d" comment, and she didn't want to insult you further by explaining why she thinks of you as strange. It's a natural tendency for people to avoid specifically pointing out what they see as flaws in other people, and I think that's what she was doing there.

Hmm...I'm by far no expert on communication, but I'll let ya know what I think. It seems that she is not interested in a romantic relationship, although she wants to be friends with you. As for the ret*d comment, well she called herself a dork, so she's just pointing out and probably grossly exaggerating some harmless quirks, perhaps even ones she finds endearing, as a way of being playfully humorous. However its not flirtatious since she said she didn't want to date. In fact, the ret*d comment may not even be reflective of anything about you, I know lots of people who like to jokingly throw insults at eachothers, (its an NT thing I think because sometimes I don't pick up on it as being a joke rightaway what with my AS and all). I really doubt the ret*d comment and the loser comment were meant to be taken literally, since she said she was joking. She said you are cool, so no worries as far as what she thinks of you as a person.

Like Ghotistix said, don't focus on trying to get into a date with her. But if you don't mind seeing her as a friend for now on, the door is wide open.

I figured that out today. We're on friendly terms, but no harm in trying to get a date every now and then.

I evantually got her to elaborate some and get serious with me. She says she wouldn't date me because I'm not "her type". She really couldn't explain what she meant by that, I guess it's something that I should've picked up on years ago thats considered common sense and can't be put into words. I asked who was my type then, and she said she couldn't think of anyone. Meh. I'm stuck in the friend zone, but I'm gonna keep tackling 'til I'm out.

Personally *I* wouldnt date *her* for using the word "ret*d" as an insult. And for being a shallow snot. But that's just me. Heh. Talk about hot button words. At least from that conversation she doesn't sound worth your time.

Advice from a girl: find someone interested in you who can talk to you HONESTLY and has, like...um...an actual vocabulary.

Thanks for that reminder (not sarcasm). I have tendency to like girls that are a bit less mature than me and a usually snobs, or girls that are ten times more intelluctual than me but not nearly as flamboyant and ...dare I say it...social...I'm attracted to the two polar opposites of myself, and it causes great confusion. For some reason I find this girl's immaturity attractive, well, maybe more her hyperactive tendencies than immaturity. I can't really pin it down, as odd as that sounds. Maybe I should try getting attracted to someone smarter than me again, that might fix my current situation. And when I say smarter, I mean has more common sense and is usually more mature and has more self control...as opposed to the oppostie, my current attraction. Wait...everyone has more common sense then me.

If I've learned anything about women by watching old movies late at night, the one method that never fails is to slap her, shake her roughly by the shoulders, say "Woman- you're being irrational!" and then kiss her forcefully. Never fails.

If you pull this off successfully she'll probably cook you breakfast too.

Remember, i'm pulling for you.

We're all in this together.