My 16yo daughter just diagnosed - How do I tell her?

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I need help from those who know, how to discuss this with my high function daughter. Help?

Tell us about her.

Welcome to WP!

Well, how did she get diagnosed and what did she think was going on? Did she think she was being tested for something else? Could you just say, "The doctor you spoke to thinks you have AS"? A lot of aspies like to be given the facts in a straight-forward manner without too much elaboration or emotionalism.

that, too, was my thought. I think finding out that she's not alone, that there are other people like her, may be a help.

However, at that age, they want so desperately to be different...in exactly the same way as everyone else.

you might also ask the person who made the diagnosis as to what they would suggest...they're the experts.

Welcome shirleyt!

Just, don't make too big a deal out of it, and don't make it negative. When my dad told me I wasn't surprised or emotional. But then, I was relatively young.
And send her here, we take care of our own.

Welcome, by the way.

Well I was a similar age to your daughter when diagnosed (age 15). The doctor who diagnosed me just told me simply that I have Asperger Syndrome and gave me some information about it. I tried to deny it at first, but it wasn't because of the method that the doctor used to tell me, it was just because I didn't want to accept it.
I suggest that you just sit her down, tell her that she has it, but make sure you reinforce the fact that there is nothing "wrong" with her, just because of this label. Have some information on stand-by incase she wants to read about it and if not, then don't force her.
She'll most likely be curious and do her own research in her own time, like most teens.
If she does happen to accept her diagnosis, then thats fantastic! If not, then give it time.

Oh, and welcome to WP.

Maybe the psychiatrist that diagnosed her should tell her. Who better to answer any questions she has?

Nice to meet you, shirleyt.

She may find it a bit of a relief to know why she seems a little "different" than her peers.
I would just be honest and straight-forward with her. My guess is she proably allready knows on some level. Lets face it, we all knew at 15 or 16 that we were somehow a little "different" did't we?
I agree with The Midnight Judge. Send her here, and Welcome also.!

Be sure you understand yourself that Asperger Syndrome is not a disease, a dysfunction, a disorder, or in most instances, much more than a mild handicap. It's simply a condition. A method of brain functioning that is somewhat atypical (slightly askew from the norm).

While it can present social difficulties and the occasional emotional issue, it also brings it's gifts: extreme powers of concentration (at least on things we find interesting), thus the ability to excel in very specific areas (specifics will vary by individual). It also tends to confer, along with some less than tactful bluntness, a tendency toward honesty and personal integrity, in that when lying and deceit are difficult for you because they stress you out, you tend to avoid doing things that put you in those situations. The list goes on, ask anyone here.

All in all, an AS diagnosis is nothing to get freaked out about. Knowing won't change the condition or make it go away, but knowing makes it easier to understand why you have reactions and tastes and interests that others around you don't seem to have. And knowing others live with this different way of perceiving the world too, does help with the self-acceptance. I was so relieved to find that my differences were not a personal defect, but a perceptual difference I share with many others.

I celebrate my differences, in spite of the difficulties they engender, and I think you'll find that most here on WP wouldn't change what we are even if we could.

Welcome!

If she's fairly mature it's probably worth getting some reading materials or having her look on the internet for more info (or talk to the psych, if she's still seeing them could be best)

I'm a bit curious though. She's 16 and yet the psych for some reason felt the need to exclude her when they told you? I would assume that she would be in on all of this, she's almost an adult...

But just tell her, all this means is that she thinks a bit differently than most people. Doesn't have to have any positive or negative connotations to it.

Though, it might be relieving to her if she understands that this explains why she has difficulty with certain things, or how this works to her advantage.

Thank you for the warm welcome and the fabulous input. Here's a lengthy response to your questions:

Divorced parents with dad in denial for too many years and under-informed pediatrician also contributed to the delay in diagnosis. (Small town) She got in trouble with the law (non-violent) so dad had to accept plan that included required counseling. I finally found in the therapist someone with AS experience who listened to me and asked all of the right questions. So, as far as she knows, her testing and therapy have all been part of the initial probation required. This started over a year ago and she is now complete with probation and her record clear. She has not committed to therapy and participated only because it was required.

My daughter wasn't present for the discussion with the doctor for a couple of reasons - she was away on a week-long school trip. I met alone with her therapist for the regular support plan meeting. We live in a small mountain town in Colorado and the psychiatrist is in Denver 220 miles away so our conversations are usually by phone. Yes, she knows she is different. She has developed many coping skills over the years with resultant behavioral modifications, thus the delayed diagnosis. She does well academically when she chooses and is a baseball uber-fan - Go Rockies!! is the household mantra. She is also the star pitcher for her high school softball team (fast-pitch) though her teammates don't "get" her and she suffers socially as a result. The movie "Mean Girls" is real for her in many ways. The school did some initial testing over a year ago and determined that she did not qualify for academic support services as her IQ is high and she can make very good grades. They aren't interested in social support. Her therapist helped me push the issue and find a qualified doctor in Denver and here we are. I won't go any further into her personal challenges; suffice it to say that her stepfather, her two older sisters, and I are regularly challenged in keeping her safe from predators and in understanding her in general. We are most concerned with helping her prepare for a not-always-safe adult world and college. Her grown-up life-skills are short though she is truly trying to learn better ways to deal with her world.

I will take your comments to heart and the two of us will have a good talk soon. I expect she'll be somewhat relieved. And she is an internet junkie - I know she'll be joining this site soon. I've gathered a good bit of material and ordered some books.

The psychiatrist recommended this site and she is so right - fabulous input from people who know the subject best. Thank you, thank you, again! It's amazing to me that after all these years, I've found such amazing information and support in the space of 48 ours. Wow!

Good luck.

ShirleyT, with parents like you she really has a leg up on most of us, good luck!