I'm not seen as a girl?

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I'm rarely ever treated like a girl by guys... more like... an animal? Androgynous? Something like that?

See, for example once I was out with two female friends and a guy who was a boyfriend to one of them. And when we're about to go home, around midnight, the guy makes scene to ensure that his girlfriend will go home safely. That's to be expected since they're a couple.
But then he also makes a scene about the other girl. Not wanting to let her go by herself, claiming she'd call a taxi express to get her home.

And after she went I was left with the guy - and he just said bye and went home.

Uhm?? I'm a girl TOO. And I had to walk the longest way home out of us 3 girls!!

That's the typical treatment I receive from males. If they talk about girl - I'm kind of excluded. I'm treated differently than the other girls too.
And really, only 3 guys ever had a romantic interest in me for a few hours/days.

No guy seems to seriously consider me as a woman and I really don't know why it's like that.

Please don't shoot the messenger here! You could simply be a tom boy, but a lot of guys find that attractive so I doubt that alone would cause them to treat you like that.

I hate to sound so shallow or superficial, but for most guys, especially NT ones, it probably comes down to this: What do you look like? Do you have feminine or masculine features? Do you have a feminine body structure? Are you petite or bulky? Do you look as though you could kick any man's arse who messes with you? I don't know because you don't have a pic in your profile, but knowing how most of us guys think and how much our attraction to women is visually based, that may be a possibility.

Sorry for jumping in on your forum, ladies. I got here from the new postings list on the home page.

But I wanted to mention that I've very often experienced the same thing in the opposite direction, like listening to women complaining that all the good men were already taken or that it's a shame that some guy is gay because it seems like a waste.

I could go on, but I won't.

I'm not doubting or discrediting the original poster's concerns, but I'm wondering if this problem is more universal than gender specific.

I'm allowed to participate in the economy if somebody thinks they can make money off me, but I'm not a part of human society. Not being seen as a potential partner goes along with this for the same reasons.

Anyway, I'm outa here.

Maybe you just come across as tomboyish. Do you dress feminine? Do you have a girly-girl hairstyle and mannerisms? If you aren't overly feminine guys tend not to treat you like a girl. Also if you don't talk to the guys and clamor over them then they may be afraid to speak to you or approach you.

Perhaps also during the walk home scenerio the other two girls were verbal about being scared and perhaps you with AS did not voice your fear therefore the guy thought you were not scared. Or maybe he was nice to the girls entirely in hopes of getting in their pants as that is often the motivation for young men to be nice.

From your post in the "blessings of AS" thread:

I read through this and it seems like people are trying to make excuses for the guys and question your looks, mannerisms etc
I needed validate your position. You were unfairly treated, he was an ass.
I do think some men treat women based on their physical attractiveness and this is wrong they should first have equal common decency to other human beings.
I know that some women can also do the same to men so it is not fair to be gender biased. It is just that a certain type of people in this world are s**ts.

Oh dear... uhm, I'll start at the beginning.

LoveableNerd:

I don't know if I have feminine features. My friends say I do. I don't know what males would say though.

I do wear about the same clothes as other girls I think. Now in summer, I usually wear tops and short trousers or skirts. Maybe that attire is too childish? I don't know.

But I do have a feminine body, yep.

I'd think guys would be as interested in me if I were 16 too. Lots of 18-20 year olds have slightly younger or older girl-/boyfriends.

Also, some of my friend have boyfriends too. And exactly the two youngest looking have boyfriends all the time...

tailfins1959:
Well, despite the fact that I can take care of myself just fine, I don't seem appear like it. I'm often seen as vulnerable and in need of protection by older adults.

I don't think I understand that question about whether I make 'them' angry? Do you mean the guys?

CanyonWind:
Not taken discrediting at all, because I think you're onto something here. Maybe it's to do with roles. Others expect one to do something that they don't and based on that decide whether one is a 'real' girl or guy.

Just a spontaneous thought.

Ticker:
I'm not sure I come off as a tomboy. I dress feminine and have girl-y hair, but I bet I don't act all that girlish. My behaviour is very much influenced by autism.

I rarely talk to strangers though. I talk to those guys I know, but they just treat me all the same.

I wasn't talking about walking home, but joked around. The other two girls got real angry with the guy for belittling them... gosh. I swear the second girl (after his girlfriend left) was this short of getting into his face. (She has temper.) He just continued to act the role of the gentleman towards her and in the end, she stomped off and threatened him that he dare didn't call her a cab.

Thanks for saying I come off as nice, 2ukenkerl.

Thanks also, alexbeetle. I suppose he was an ass for behaving like that...

Sora,

There is just something you do here that comes across as feminine. ALSO, Women are generally good judges of feminine beauty, so I am sure you look nice. I really can't say anything about WHY you were treated so.

I have had similar things happen to me, so maybe it IS autism. WHO KNOWS? If a young woman is here, I will be NICE, help her choose things, give directions, open doors, etc... but I WON'T drive her around, not even to the next block. That is because of the stupid legal system here.

HECK, I almost wonder if I should talk privately to so many young girls/women. I LIKE it, am civil, etc... but some way get suspicious. BTW for the record, I NEVER got phone numbers, real names, or addresses from such young girls/women. The 4 women I DID get such info from are ones that are just friends, and I think they are ALL over say 25. I KNOW 3 are. Also, those 3 are married. I have only personally met 2.

ALEX has to be careful with kids under 13 due to C.O.P.P.A!! !! !

2ukenkerl, I don't think alexbeetle meant you with his post.

Yes, it may be autism. It already puts the women off me, makes people generally treat me funny and strange. So the problem with males may be due to being on the spectrum.

Heh, my friend has a boyfriend twice her age now. I know there's an issue with ages and all, but I don't get it. But I probably don't have to worry about it, because I'm female and not male. I have the impression older males must really worry about such social rules (who's allowed to be with whom) a lot more than females.

Being female has it's advantages.

It may just be the way you talk to the guys that makes them think you're capable of taking care of yourself. Some girls overdo the defenseless thing as a way to charm guys - you know, the screaming in scary movies, "oh, hold me I'm scared!" It's a ploy to get masculine attention, whether it's conscious or not. Maybe you don't do that. Guys may just think you seem independent and capable of handling yourself, which you should consider a compliment.

If you don't like it, practice acting the damsel in distress more often.

Golly, I'm back. This topic's been on my mind.

I'm not insisting that everybody has to agree with me, but I'm considering it from the perspective that this problem applies to both aspie men and women.

Accepting that it's a part of aspie life, I'm wondering if there's a way to deal with it.

I don't think I'm a skilled enough actor to convince other people that I'm somebody besides who I am, and even if I was that good at faking, I don't think that would be a promising basis for establishing a relationship.

I think one fact is critical. I've found that something like maybe one to five percent of the people I run into don't think I'm stupid and aren't bothered by the fact that I'm kinda weird.

As far as I'm concerned, most people are a lost cause, but not absolutely everybody.

So between one in a hundred and one in twenty, something like that. In an environment like school or the workplace, that's not too good, but for friendships, you only need one or two people, and for boyfriend-girlfriend relationships, you only need one.

The rare exceptions might be far more significant than the rule, and the number of exceptions that are out there might be enough.

So I guess the question is: How do I find the people that are the exceptions?

It's been my experience that the standard advice stuff doesn't seem to apply. Things like common interests, or common beliefs, or common political views don't seem to have anything to do with how people respond to me. "Friends of friends" generally don't like me.

As often as not, the few people that have been glad to accept me as an individual have been people I would seem to have nothing in common with.

There are people out there who would be worth including in my life, but randomly sampling the entire human population sounds like it would be a discouraging job.

Still thinking of how to approach this.