20 May 2008, 4:32 pm
Hi, I've been reading for a few weeks now and I guess its time I'd introduce myself 
I haven't got a diagnosis and won't try and get one - mostly because I don't like doctors but also because after 31 years of "coping" I don't see much point now. I'm my own therapist - always had to be.
I came to consider Aspergers after a long time researching all sorts of disorders based on the odd behaviours I have and always had. ocd, social anxiety, tics (which I now know are called "stimms")...it was all there but I had looked at them as seperate issues. Then i came across the description for aspergers and something clicked. It ticked all the boxes and suddenly everything made sense. Why I find it so hard to look people in the eyes. Why honesty and fairness is such a big issue. Why I find it so hard to connect to my "peers" and could never understand "small talk". Why I am so clumsy. Why I love solitude and retreating into my own head. Why I'm so tense and anxious. Why I can't grief. Why I'm so sensitive to loud noises. Why I fall to pieces at the smallest bit of criticism...the list goes on and on.
I was a difficult child (or so my dad tells me) with lots of melt-downs when things didn't go my way and floods of tears. I felt like I didn't belong, that I was somehow different and beyond elementary school I was very awkward and couldn't connect to my peers at all. I couldn't make sense of small talk, fashion and was either playing piano for hours on end or retreating into my own little world. The friends I did make were either younger or older than me and I was bullied quite a lot when in high-school.
When I got older I learned to cope, I am good at analyzing and copied well but when I moved to england 8 years ago (I was born and raised in Germany) my strategies were suddenly failing and thats when I started to search and look back and try and understand myself. Thats the short version of events. Theres a lot more that got me to my "self-diagnosis" but I don't want to go into detail.
Once I connected the dots and came to the aspie conclusion there was a certain calm in my head. I guess having found a plausible explanation has removed a lot of the uncertainty and fear about myself. I have stopped beating myself up about my failure to connect and am less hard on myself. I make a conscious effort to stop trying so hard to fit in and to accept myself for who I am warts and all. And I finally "allow" myself to stimm (in private or secrecy) to my hearts content, knowing that it actually helps me to calm down and refocus. Before I would always try and stop myself just like my parents tried to stop me when I was a child.
The reason I signed up to this bored is that I can identify with a lot of what is posted here and I appreciate the warmth and welcoming attitude of this place. I won't be the most active poster as I always preferred to stand at the sidelines observing but I may just put my 5 cents in here and there.
20 May 2008, 4:36 pm
Nice to meet you, Silke. 
20 May 2008, 5:29 pm
richie
Supporting Member
Joined: 9 Jan 2007
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 30,142
Location: Lake Whoop-Dee-Doo, Pennsylvania
20 May 2008, 5:33 pm
To WrongPlanet!! !
20 May 2008, 5:39 pm
21 May 2008, 1:57 pm
21 May 2008, 7:37 pm
Hello Silke. Welcome to Wrong Planet. I enjoyed reading your introduction. It was very well written and informative. I especially like the way you describe or refer to your realization that you have Asperger's Syndrome as "connecting the dots." What better way to reveal the picture of who you are. I always loved those connect the dots puzzles.
Can you tell me about your avatar? I can't quite make out what it is. Eyes not so good these days.
21 May 2008, 7:47 pm
28 May 2008, 2:38 pm
Can you tell me about your avatar? I can't quite make out what it is. Eyes not so good these days.
Thank you Comiccat
- and thank you everybody else for the warm welcome!
The avatar is an image of strings - I love string theory! I got loads of them - made a thread one day dedicated to loops as I believe everything IS a loop or string. Have a look if you like http://discussion.chopra.com/forum_post ... 6&KW=loops
To me, despite the claim that aspies "can't see the whole picture" that IS the big picture. Or, if described by fractals, the whole is in the detail
and we are very good with details! 
28 May 2008, 2:49 pm
28 May 2008, 3:04 pm
