Is this woman worth my time?

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Wise sages help me decide. I can't believe this woman. She responded to an advert I put on a website asking for a girl to date. When I replied she waited a week to reply to the e-mail. The next time she waited 2 weeks. It kept on that every time I replied she waited 2 weeks. Then eventually she didn't reply until today - and kept me waiting for more than 1 month!

Is this girl crazy or what? She makes the excuse she's been on holiday to the Costa del Sol - for over a month, I don't think so!

She seems quite nice if a little bland. I was going to meet her 2 weeks after we started chatting, I suggested a meal and a night drinking and she then didn't reply and waited until a whole week later to tell me she had been spending the whole day with her mother 'cause it was mother's day.

Is this woman wasting my time? Are relationships all a waste of time anyway? Maybe I should just stick to learning the piano and achieve something in my life.

She sounds like a flake to me. Quite possible she is out dating other guys, and only gets back to you when they don't work out. If it is legit and she really is that busy, then she is unlikely to have much time to devote to a relationship if it were to happen. I'd say she's wasting your time, though I wouldn't say that about all relationships.

Either
(A) she's uninterested and for whatever reason not being direct about telling you so, in which case you should take the hint and look elsewhere, or ...
(B) her life really is this busy, and you should consider whether there's even TIME to form a relationship.

I think it's unlikely that someone can be this busy for all those different reasons for so long, but have an open schedule any other time. Not impossible - but unlikely. If you absolutely MUST follow up on it, ask if she'd like to go to dinner next Friday at 6pm. If she backpeddals without providing an alternative time, or she doesn't show up... do yourself a favor and hit the road.

I don't think she is wasting your time, I think that you are wasting your time. She obviously has a life and is living it, not waiting around for your emails like you are for hers.
She isn't giving you what you want, yet you doggedly expect her to any minute now.

Perhaps she hasn't read your script on how you want her to act? why don't you write it up and send it to her so she can decide if she wants to follow it? She just might surprise you!

Merle

Oh, I was unaware that one is supposed to be a friggin' psychic when it comes to this stuff... jeez, no wonder...

I think I'm not going to try dating or looking for women to date anymore. I want women as friends and nothing more for now. I don't think it's worth the time trying to impress someone who you barely know. If a friend developed into a lover it would be much easier because I would know exactly how they thought and what would impress them.

Please don't give up, Perambulator, based on what one woman did. Obviously she is not as eager for your company as you feel that you are, for hers. You want to get this off the ground, and she has stuff going on that you don't know about. Don't take it personally! There's lots and lots of women in the world. Go for it!

The friend into lover concept makes perfect logical sense. Unfortunately, most NT women don't see it that way. They have this thing called the "friend zone" and once you get put in it, you can't get out. Any attempts to do so will not only end the friendship, but probably result in her completely avoiding you. At least this has been my experience.

An NT female friend of mine, Mary put it this way:

The only exception to the rule is when the girl was interested in you from the beginning and waiting for you to make a move. Again, this would probably require you to be psychic to descern that.

I recently had a similar experience.

there ya' go! that is EXACTLY how to find a mate! No put on, dating behaviour where neither of you are being real, just that carefree banter, enjoyment of each other's company with no rigid rules of engagement! You have found the secret, the key and the sanity saving compromise.

Date less, befriend more!

Merle

The ones I can't stand are the ones who clearly want to be friends, but don't really want a relationship with anyone, and then set an arbitrary time period (which could be several years) as to when they will be ready.

I need someone who wants me now.

I follow the same mindset really. In fact i was browsing on bash.org and there was a high ranking quote with puts the whole idea of men seeking women into a well written analogy. I had to laugh but also nod as how true it is. I have quoted bellow for reference:



another I found was this:

HAHA. I had read it in my friend Mary's blog. She hadn't credited it to anyone, so I thought she wrote it. I had thought that was quite profound for an NT girl, and a perfect analogy.

Here's a related quote I found:

Nice! I like to call it "being in the fridge".

On one hand, she probably really DOES like "nice guys" like you for ALL the reasons she's listing when she's drunk and/or mourning a pathetically failed relationship. She's not being intentionally dishonest. But on the other hand, she still has doubts that you're a Winner. She suspects one of these jerks she's dating might ACTUALLY be telling the truth, and might ACTUALLY be everything they claim to be - and are not all giant liars like they finally turn out to be.

And if you're willing to hand her Kleenex and stay perpetually on hold while she looks for this mystical creature, why not let you? After all, she's been technically honest with you. Just because you assume "I consider you a good friend" to mean "You stand even a remote chance in hell" isn't her fault. (In any case, if you're playing "the good friend" so she keeps you around, while hiding your romantic desires so she doesn't dump you... that's dishonest on YOUR part.) Note she doesn't go out of the way to disuade you or suggest you really do start dating other girls. She enjoys having so much devout attention, and without any commitment on her part.

No, sir, you are being kept in the fridge. And when she's in her 40's, she MIGHT open up the fridge and decide you'll be an adequate substitute for the guy of her dreams. I suggest a spot in the butter tray; it's secluded but accessable. And keep away from the vegetable crisper unless she cleans the fridge often. You're gonna be there a while, so make friends with the frozen chicken.

Don't misunderstand. I don't think women set out to put a guy in the fridge. It just turns out that way, and both parties are too comfortable with the arrangement, and too uncomfortable with the details, to talk about it openly. Incidentally... I find women have an uncanny sense for when THEY are in the fridge... and usually they have the good sense to look elsewhere.

Sounds like she may be just seeing what is out there for now. I wouldn't put much effort into her for now.

No woman is worth anyone's time unless she is interested in you.